Diary of a Tsundere Italian
by MidnightSakuraBlossom and SYD
Summary: AU: The diary entries and personal thoughts of Lovino Vargas: explaining his experiences in school, trying to bond with his brother, trying to figure out his true feelings about his new Spanish classmate, and much more. DISCONTINUED
1. Entry 1

_A/N: I know what you're thinking: "ANOTHER HETALIA FIC? WHOA!" Well, my love of Hetalia has been ignited and rediscovered. And I really like Romano (I am not biased, just because I got distant relatives from South Italy! -_-) This fic details the life of our favorite little tsundere through his diary. This fic is kind of AU, by the way. Human names are used._

_The main pairing is eventual Spain/Romano and lots of mentioned Germany/Italy, Spain/Belgium/Romano and France/England. So if you aren't comfortable with these pairings, well, you can click away. There may be OOC moments, language (what do you expect from this being in Romano's POV?), and shonen-ai/yaoi. Just sayin'._

_I can't promise you this story will be long. I'm just going to see where it leads to._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or the personified nations. But...I GUESS I own Romano's diary...?_

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January 1st, entry 1

Current Location: My Bedroom, 12:00 PM

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Dear Diary/journal/whatever the hell I'm supposed to call you,

Hmmph, I don't what I'm supposed to be writing now. I mean, I've never really used any of these "diaries" before, as it seems really gay for me to be doing this. You probably think I'm a girl or something, right? WRONG.

Let me clue you in on something. I'm a guy. I'm 15, soon to be sixteen this March might I add. I'm not really too tall and I'm pretty slim and I've heard people talking behind my back saying that I look like a weakling. My hair is a dark brown, short and also has a lone curl that sticks out (...Maybe later I'll tell you more about it. If I even feel like writing more in this damn thing, it still feels so gay...). My eyes are hazel-colored and my skin is very white. My name's Lovino Vargas and was born in South Italy.

Since this would be the first entry of this stupid diary, might as well give you the general description of my life. I have enough time on my hands at the moment anyway. I never really talk to many people anyway and I guess...maybe this is a good way to get things off my chest. Isn't that what he said diaries are for, anyway?

I have a brother the same age as me. His name's Feliciano, but he is very ditzy and clumsy, annoying, and the list goes on and on. I don't ever tell him this, but I think he means well with all his innocent screw ups. And I do care for him...just not openly. What can I say? I don't want anyone to know I have feelings. Anyway, we look alike. We could be twins for all we know because we even have the same birthday. But I've discovered by research that Feliciano was born in NORTH Italy. What the fuck...? How is that even logical at all...? If we were twins, we'd have to be born...ugh, I can't take all this. This subject always rapes my mind to think about it. The point is; his hair is a copper shade and his eyes are more golden than mine. He also has a hair curl on one side as well.

The both of us grew up never really knowing our parents or any other relatives. For as long as I can remember it's just been the both of us together out on the streets and working ourselves to death just to save up enough money to be able to live. And we were really young too. I don't have many memories of when I was a baby, but Feliciano does and he claims that he has these occasional ones about a man with brown hair taking care of us. Yet he doesn't know how he was. Do I believe him? Well, I'm not sure. There's no true chance that this man he tells me about was related to us or just a stranger that could've taken pity on us and took us in. My earliest memory is from when I was maybe 5 1/2 and walking down a rainy street clutching my brother's hand and trying to get him to follow me. So...I don't know...

I don't know how we were uprooted from Italy, I don't know who our biological parents were or any close relatives, and I don't know who that man Feliciano remembers was or how we managed to survive alone. But I do know that I've always worked hard to protect the idiot from harm. And from taking tests that revealed our backgrounds, that's how I even know that we're Italian.

That's me and my brother's story in a nutshell. Now we live in a small apartment together, attend the same small school that we barely managed to get into, and do little jobs on the side to get enough money to live.

So...I still don't really have anything to do at the moment. Might as well release all my irritation with my stupid brother giving you to me. Okay, I'm kind of pissed about this! First of all: me and Feliciano had just woken up from the New Year's celebration he insisted we through last night. I had passed out onto the couch and woke up at nine in the morning draped over it with drool leaking from my mouth, and he was peacefully sitting up and sleeping against the coffee table. After we had regained awareness and gotten ready for the day, he suddenly gasped and said: "Oh, wait! I forgot to give this to you last night!" And he had dashed out of the tiny kitchen and returned momentarily with this book that had a black leather covering.

"What the fuck is that?" I had asked, glaring at my brother who's smile was nearly taking up his whole face. I waved the book around in the air.

"It's a diary!" He had replied so damn cheerfully as usual. I, meanwhile, stared at him in confusion. "You know, it's used for writing personal thoughts and stuff! I found it yesterday in a trashcan, can you believe it? And it wasn't even written in either! So I had secretly cleaned it up and wanted to-"

"What makes you think I need a diary? They're a waste of time and for girls anyway! I can't write my thoughts in this thing, it's gay!" I argued back, but honestly, I regretted doing that once his absent smile shattered like glass and fell. I wanted to kick my own ass for saying something like that. And I NEVER thought that this would happen...

Feliciano was obviously crestfallen about this, and even said that he had done so much work to clean it up. He also added that he thought I could use it to let out my true feelings that I 'hide' from the world. And at that part, I could feel blood rush into my cheeks and burn intensely. I wasn't angry...more like embarrassed. Embarrassed because now my brother apparently thought I was just trying to put on a tough facade because I must not want to reveal any "sensitivity" that I harbored. Or some crap along those lines!

Hmmph, he's clever sometimes. Maybe he was right after all, now that I think about it more. I mean, I don't like being weak. I don't like showing my true feelings. Why should I even do that in the first place? I know that as long as I show my true feelings about things and others then I'll just have pity taken on me constantly. On the contrary, I'm not a strong person and I have deeper feelings.

But I would die of fucking embarrassment if anyone found this out. That's why I'll make sure that I act as tough as possible. Never will anyone find out this secret. And if Feliciano ever tries to make his point again, I'll DENY IT.

Well...I can't think of anything else to say. I'll end this entry here, diary/journal/whatever the hell I am supposed to call you. Tch, I still don't know I even took the time to write this entry. Maybe I just couldn't handle seeing Feliciano crestfallen and accepted his gift anyway. For whatever reason, I admit that it felt like a huge relief to get this shit off my chest and tell it to somebody. But I won't lie; it still feels so gay...

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To Be Continued~

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_Yeah since it's the first entry it's kinda short. He apparently doesn't like writing. LOL. Most entries will be short to kind of long due to that fact._

_I noticed this entry had a little bit of drama to it. Oh well. I suppose that was intended anyway. I hope to update this story soon, but please let me know your thoughts and if you'd like to see where it leads. 'Cuz I, honestly, can see it going somewhere good. FOR ONCE I'M SAYING SOMETHING _NOT_ NEGATIVE ABOUT MY WORK! WHAT THE HELL? O_O_


	2. Entry 2

_A/N: Second chapter! *Overly enthusiastic fistpump* Let's just say that I'm pumped up to write out this one after much encouragement from a friend. I can't believe I'm being so positive...what is this? I don't even... -_-;_

_Reviews and feedback would be highly appreciated, just sayin'._

_Disclaimer: I suppose the only thing I own is the diary of Romano, everything else IS NOT MINE._

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January 1st, Entry 2

Current Location: the living room, alone 11:06 PM

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Dear Diary...journal...ugh, whatever you're called (Mark my words, I'll find a good name eventually):

Wow, I actually bothered to write a second entry...I didn't see that one coming at all. Look, I don't know why I even decided to write this second entry. Maybe I'm just doing this because there is something else I really need to talk about before I explode...

I can't even think about going to sleep right now. There's someone, or rather someone that's pissing me off, though he's been gone for a little while. Still, it's just the thought that he bothered to show up in the first place that set me off.

Sensing you might be confused about who I'm ranting about, it's that damn German guy that Feliciano is always hanging around constantly. Hummph, his name's Ludwig and he's about our age. He goes to our same school and is always so serious and calm about everything. It's like he thinks he owns the place or something! Well, by some wild chance that you're reading this, bastard, YOU DONT. Grrr, I can't stand him at all. I've always...I've always really detested him ever since he met up with my brother about this time last year. They claim that somehow, and I don't know how the hell why, they became friends despite the several differences between them. How does that even happen? I still think it's unlikely!

That potato bastard is always acting so stoic and sharp all the time. While my brother is so...so...lively and ditzy about everything! They're so different that it feels just a little ironic for them to have this unlikely friendship in the first place. I swear, the first time that Feliciano decided to introduce as, hoping that we'd "get along", I was very prepared to maim him in some form or fashion. And I swear, I would have done that if Feliciano hadn't interrupted and dragged me back to my room and locked me in there to calm down!

Sigh...well anyway, that's what the first meeting with him was like. Now ever since, the bastard is always trying to find some excuse to come over here and see my brother. And vice versa. It pisses me off to no end to think about this, I don't approve of this relationship at all. Besides...you have to admit that they just may, you know, have crushes on each other or something. I don't doubt it at all.

The potato bastard usually seems to be nervous whenever my brother touches him in some way, or just innocently brushes past him. I tend to catch his face turn bright red whenever he obliviously says something about him looking "good today", or suggesting they go "out somewhere". Yes, I am sharp when it comes to these kind of things, aren't I?

Feliciano always seems to be extra cheerful and overly-friendly when in the presence of that bastard. He constantly is effectively trying to make conversation with him and suggests places they could go out together. I guess his hints are ambiguous, but I know him well because I live here and put up with his antics every day. Not to mention that I've caught him blushing faintly to obvious whenever he would touch him in some way or his invitations were accepted.

In the event they start dating, I'll be there ready with a shotgun. Just in case...

Anyway, let me tell you about the potato-sucking bastard's visit today. It really, really pissed me off more than usual because Feliciano hadn't even told me in advance about it. After I finished writing your first entry, the apartment's doorbell had been rung at least two times. I knew that he wouldn't hear it, and I figured that it was probably the goddamned annoying landlord coming to lecture us about how loud we had blasted music the previous night. So I slipped you behind my pillow and then stored up some rage to face the annoying landlord...

And I made it downstairs, through the living room, and to the door. The instant I unlocked it and roughly pulled it open, I found myself looking up at that bastard's light blue eyes. Yes, see, he's quite taller than either me or my brother. Yet another thing that pisses me off about him.

"What the fuck do you want?" I had spat angrily at him, folding my arms over my chest.

"Is your brother here, Lovino?" He had asked me, God, he was only fifteen and his voice was getting to be deep. That's insanity!

"No, he is not. Now get out of here before I-" And I didn't get to finish that threat. Feli had burst in from the living room and pretty much threw himself onto the bastard, pushing me back against the wall in the process. I think my left side is still bruised from that, but at least it was amusing to see the bastard's face turn a scarlet red as he tried to peel my brother off him.

Truth be told, I don't like being around people much. I'd rather be off to myself. But Feliciano insisted that I stay around in the room and they maybe we could all chat. Pffft, like I would waste my valuable time talking to that guy. I wouldn't if my life depended on it. At least the bastard realized this, and he suggested that maybe I didn't want to stick around. But, I'll bet that he only said that because he wanted them both to be alone together (Nudge nudge wink wink). Them and their ambiguous friendship MAKES ME SICK.

...Wait, isn't a diary supposed to be used for "being honest" and "letting your true feelings come out without other people judging you", or any of that shit that Feliciano said? Hmmph, if it is, then maybe I could be honest here. However, if you're reading beyond this point, brother, I'LL KILL YOU.

Here goes: ahhh...to be honest, I guess their strange relationship doesn't fully make me sick. I don't show it or tell anyone, but I am glad that Feliciano found somebody like that. Somebody whom he obviously likes a lot. On the other hand; it's obvious that I won't ever find someone like that. I sure as hell don't need romantic feelings at all.

If there is only one thing true in this world: it's that I won't ever fall for anyone. Girl or guy. Because I don't need to, I've heard stories about all the chaos and heartbreak of love and I listen to all the rumors about various couples in school. Lovino Vargas doesn't need to fall in love

…

…

…

Wow, I had to stop right there for a minute. I heard my brother's overly-cheerful filter into the room. Cursing under my breath, I had closed you up right quick, and the next thing I knew when I turned my head; I saw his closed eyes and a large, absent smile on his face. This was how the scene played out, in case you're wondering:

"Hi, brother~! I just came down to get something to eat because I had this dream that I was eating this HUGE plate of spaghetti and it tasted sooo nice and-"

"Well don't sneak up on me like that! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Ve~! I'm sorry, I saw you sitting here on the couch and was going to remind you that maybe you should go to sleep to have enough rest for school tomorrow! ...Hey," He smiled once again and had pointed at you in my hands that I had been trying to hide from his view. "Are you writing in that diary? I knew you would like it! Can I read through it? Pleeease?"

I don't know why, but I could feel heat creep into my cheeks and to my ears. To hide my embarrassment, I forced a scowl and pushed away his hand that was about to grab an edge. "No, you can't read through it."

"But...but Lovino~!"

"Hell no, it's too embarrassing!"

"Ve~ what's so embarrassing about it?"

I wanted to facepalm at his stupidity, but I resisted that tempting action and merely got up from the seat. "You wouldn't understand."

After that one reply, Feliciano seemed to respect my wishes. Even though it was obvious he still wanted to read through you. He just walked into the kitchen to get a late night snack after having that strange pasta dream. And I had stood there for a while, my cheeks and the tips of my ears still red and flaming, until he was out of my sight.

And now here I am lying on the couch and finishing up writing this entry. Yawn, it's getting late. I'm tired as hell from all the tension today. Because I had to suffer sitting around bored in my room and listening to Feli and the potato bastard have their stupid talk. Which lasted about half an hour until they decided to leave the house and go out together for the rest of the afternoon.

Not changing the topic, but I'm still not quite recovered from that moment with Feliciano and his efforts at trying to ask for permission to read through you. Now that I think about it...why was I embarrassed? Hmm...I have a theory that maybe it was because of the things I've previously stated in this entry. The ranting about the potato bastard he's practically crazy for. If he were to read over that, he would either think that I'm just jealous of the fact he's spending so much time with him and not me, or that I'm just trying to deny I like him myself! Well, let me clear things up, the latter sure as hell isn't true!

Maybe I am a little jealous that Feliciano is constantly spending time with that guy. But, there's no way I'll admit that out loud especially not to his face. I can handle this strange, unfamiliar feeling myself without ever having to admit it. Well, it's very late now. My eyes are going to start looking bloodshot if I don't get some sleep now. And it'll an awkward day at school because of that.

So I'm ending this entry here. I'm going to head back to my room and crash for the night, and maybe sometime tomorrow between classes I can write more. As much as I'm embarrassed to admit it; writing in this thing is surprisingly interesting and helped calm me down. But however, Feli, if you or that potato bastard or reading this, you have exactly ten minutes to run before I catch you in the act.

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To Be Continued

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_This entry was more of a rant about Lovi's hatred of Ludwig. LOL. Couldn't. Resist. Of course that will be elaborated on a lot more later. We're just now beginning, my friends._

_Read and review, they provide the fuel for my motivation! :3_


	3. Entry 3

_A/N: Sorry for the wait. *Bats eyelash's innocently* No hard feelings, for being late...right?_

_Oh. And please ignore that one review from "me". -_-" Me and my best friend where reading fanfiction together after I had logged in. And when I left the room to get something to drink, she clicked over to Diary of a Tsundere Italian and read through it; posting a review. Silly Mandy is silly. She didn't even notice that she had posted the review while I was logged in. Ugh, I really lectured her about it afterward though. So, anyway, that's why that review is there. I didn't have the heart to remove it for some bizarre reason though. (You got off the hook THIS TIME, Mandy!)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia._

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January 2nd, Entry 3

Current Location: Study Hall, some time in the afternoon

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Dear...ah screw it, it's way too embarrassing to finish here where someone might have the nerve to look over my shoulder at what I'm writing...

Well, what do you know? I must really either be taking pity on Felciano or just that fascinating with writing to be including a third entry to this thing. I can't help but wonder which one. Seeing as though there's mixed signals here: I can vividly recall the hurt look in my brother's usually-closed golden brown eyes when I rejected the gift at first, and then I also am warming up to the idea of being able to vent and state my opinions and personal thoughts without getting judged harshly. But, of course, I'm still going to deny that I like this once someone has the fucking nerve to read this diary behind my back.

Right now I'm in study hall. There's nothing particularly knew going on. As I look around at everyone else, I sigh and rest my free hand on my chin. School just isn't my thing. There is some subjects I personally have an interest in more than others. Other than that, I just feel like I'm wasting away here. All the other students, my ditzy brother included, seem to be content with having to drag their asses here for several hours of the day. And they have many friends that they're constantly chatting with. Tch, but I am not envious of having friends to socialize with during classes, if that's what you're thinking.

And no, I am not one of those damned 'Forever Alone' types of people! I could open up and be nice to people and make friends with them, it's just that I don't want to! Look, I got a certain reputation around these parts. Mostly everyone knows that Lovino Vargas doesn't need anyone in his life and doesn't want anyone. If you were to try and at least make conversation with me, I would give the cold shoulder in return. That's the way it works, and I like it this way. I like it a lot. Some that barely know me think that I'm just that badass. Which I also like a lot. Why should I need friends? Ah, this is the question I keep in the back of mind and think about daily. Though as much as I try and search myself and go deep inside...I can't figure out the answer.

Maybe it's for the best...because usually, the truth hurts. Or so they say. I've yet to understand this phrase I've heard all over the place.

Anyway, now let me give you a general description of study hall at the moment. I might as well do it since I just finished up the rest of my math test I had forgotten to complete and don't have anything else to do. The room is fair-sized and we have a teacher at the desk lazily flipping through some gardening magazine by the look of the cover. When I look around I see my brother scooting up to that potato bastard's table while smiling, Francis trying to spark an argument with Arthur, Alfred chatting loudly and asking Kiku's help with some complicated math problem, Yao trying to get away from an all-too-innocent looking Ivan, Elizaveta flirting with with that Austrian guy, and Ivan's sisters in a table in the corner studying silently together. That's basically a brief summary of what's going on. Nothing really knew, is it?

I'm surprised that I managed to get enough sleep last night, not to change the subject. I had lied awake in my bed for at least ten minutes after I crawled in. Just...looking back on my life in general. But then my eyelids suddenly became very, very heavy and I had fallen asleep before I knew it. Instead of waking up to the sound of my alarm clock, I had woken up to Feli's sing-songy voice and a blast of goddamn sunlight in my eyes. ...I still have not gotten over that...and I felt the wild urge to jump up out of bed and just claw his throat with my fingers. Really, I'm not a morning person at all. And living with me for all the fifteen years of his life, my annoying brother SHOULD have known this! Ugh! Well, anyway, after the fucking horrible wake-up call...nothing eventful really happened afterward. I had trudged to the bathroom and taken a quick shower, gotten dressed in a simple red tank underneath a worn dark jacket and some jeans and sneakers, brushed my teeth, and combed through my bed hair.

I didn't even get to eat any breakfast because it was late already when Feliciano decided to drag me out of my slumber. Damn it, I was sooo hungry this morning in class. So hungry that my stomach had been growling loudly in the middle of my first classes...and everyone heard it and all eyes shifted to me several times. I can't handle these kinds of situations all that well usually. And it's very likely everyone noticed my embarrassment due to that annoying telltale bright red blush that ALWAYS sneaks it's way into my freaking face every time I get embarrassed. The thought of this really didn't help. Before anyone could comment about me, I just resorted to scowling at them. Luckily, no one decided to dwell on my constant, involuntary noise that disturbed the lesson. Thank God.

The rest of the morning was a blur for me. I do not really enjoy school much, so that's why I'm not going into any detail about it. Is there really a point to do that? Not really. It would just make my hand cramp, and I don't need that before study hall's over and I get going to the next class. Huh, wait, looks like something's going on with Alfred and Kiku. I'm listening in right now, thanks to my selective hearing and that American's blasting speaking voice that's always turning my eardrums inside out.

"So, Kiku, you got any New Year's resolutions...?" Alfred had curiously asked his reserved Japanese friend.

"Yes, I suppose so." Kiku had quietly replied. I must admit, I feel his pain. I have to suffer having a close relationship with someone that's very enthusiastic and cheerful too.

"Awesome, man! Mine is to finally find some way to get Arthur to admit he's developing an obvious crush on Francis. Isn't it stupid how he's always denying it? Hahaha, isn't he just crazy?"

"Actually, I think he's more of a tsundere."

"Tsundere...? Oh, like those bipolar anime chicks in the manga you're always reading?"

"...Well, not exactly. I mean, something like that..."

And that is basically what I overheard before Arthur had suddenly stormed up to Alfred and said some British curse that I didn't quite get the definition of, and then started insisting (loudly) that he didn't have a crush on that pervert. Ugh, I just had roll my eyes after listening to all this. It looks like everything's about normal in my world.

Hmm. Ah. Actually, what that loud idiot had said about New Years resolutions reminded me about something! Due to all of what happened yesterday with Feli giving you to me, and then his potato bastard boyfriend coming over unexpectedly, I forgot to set my own. I know it seems kind of lame, but I do usually make resolutions...though I can't say they always work out. Here's my main New Years resolutions as listed:

**#1: Try and bond with Feliciano**

**#2: Keep promise to never fall in love with anyone girl OR guy**

**#3: Keep the potato-sucking bastard away from Feliciano at all costs/make sure they do not end up becoming an official couple**

**#4: Find out more about my past, and who the brunette man that Feli remembers was**

**#5: Become stronger**

I swear that I will keep these over this year and fulfill them. No matter what it takes.

...Shit. I just glanced at the clock on the wall and it's about time for me to be getting to my next class. It looks like I'll have to end this entry here, but once I'm free...maybe I can write something longer. There's actually something that I've been thinking about lately, and it's really bugging me. Next entry, I'll explain more.

By the way, Feli, you better NOT be reading this stupid diary you gave me. I've noticed you sneaking glances at me while you were being all love-struck with the potato bastard. And if you are reading this, let's just say that you may be needing a trip to the hospital. Courtesy of me.

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To Be Continued

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_Longer entries will come soon. Along with more drama that is Lovi's life in a nutshell. It's only unfolding right now, my friends. Patience is a virtue...or so they say. :)_

_I have a question for you readers: what do you think about this idea I've got? I'm thinking of including a future situation involving Lovino discovering that Feliciano and Ludwig are actually going out like he feared. Somehow, he grows overly suspicious of the two of them and tags along after them when they go out somewhere alone. I may or may not include this situation, but what do you think?_

_Read and review, Lovino wants you to. And you know you cannot refuse him. :D (Lovi: *Gives me a deadpan look* You make it sound pathetic.) (Me: *Sighs* Maybe I am just pathetic. *Grabs Lovi's arm and wanders into the corner of woe to angst*)_


	4. Entry 6

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January 4th, Entry 6

Current Location: My Bedroom, 4:56 PM

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Dear...uh...(I swear, I will find something to call you.)...ugh, well you should know by now what I mean.

Dammit, I feel horrible. I haven't gotten around to writing in you yesterday or any time today. I think I might have caught something bad and now it's really taking it's toll.

Well, technically I wrote in you twice yesterday when I wasn't shivering underneath mountains of blankets in my bed. But those were were random drawings that I won't go into any detail about. Feliciano is, as much as I despise admitting this, more talented with painting and drawing than I am. He's always been.

In case you're wondering what's wrong with me, I think I may have gotten a cold or something. Though I didn't say anything, I've been feeling a little sickly since the 25th. Luckily, no one noticed. Well, now, I want to punch myself in the face for not taking any action. Now I'm feeling worse than before since the symptoms are really kicking in!

I had to miss school yesterday and today. Which didn't really matter much to me, except for the fact that before I got very down with this cold, I was going to look around at the different school clubs. Feli keeps annoying the crap out of me with his constant comments of: "Oh, brother, you should really join some of the clubs around the school! I just joined (insert the certain club name here) and it's really, really fun!" and "Veee~! It's so fun to be a part of a club, I've even gotten Ludwig to join with me and I get to talk with everyone!" I guess...hmmph...maybe he was right. I'm usually distant from everyone. But I have a damn good reason for it, believe me!

It's simple: I don't need friends either. The students in my classes don't seem to even notice me. In return, I never notice them. I am not good with putting my trust in someone, that's why I keep myself away from others. But it's not all that bad of a life. I don't have to struggle with balancing out time for my schoolwork, part-time jobs on the side, bailing my brother out of the problems his antics get him in, and maintaining good relationships.

Sometimes I let my mind wander though. And just try and visualize what my life would be like if maybe...I were able to overcome this paranoia and be able to put my trust in someone. Would it work out in the end? Or would I just be tricked by some two-faced jackass? No matter how hard I try, I can't figure out the answer.

I may be sounded very lonely right now, but I AM NOT ANGST-ING about this, thank you very much. It's just good to get these kinds of thoughts out sometimes. Which is what I've been discovering more and more since Feliciano first gave you to me. I guess he was right after all. Oh, but I can't tell this to his innocent face. He may take it the wrong way and think I'm saying it in an affectionate, brotherly way.

Okay, okay, in some weird way, I do care about him. I can't let anyone, not even himself, on this secret though. Because it's pretty well known that Lovino Vargas is a short-tempered guy you don't fuck with. He does not care about anyone and openly detests many. My reputation is constantly on the line, here. And that's why I try and put on a tough act. As you know.

I swear, it'll all pay off someday.

Ugh...damn it, I still feel so horrible. I can barely even write, and I'm wondering why I even bothered to do this until I'm back to normal. I'm freezing my ass off, even though I'm buried under several extra blankets, my nose is running and I hardly have the strength in my frail fingers to reach for it, and my entire body feels like shit. Plus, to top things off, I have Feli at my bedside...well, right now he's off at the nearby drugstore for some medicine, but he was nearly glued to the edge of my bed earlier today after he came home from school.

Feliciano had good intentions. Just between you and me: he's not the best person to have taking care of you when you're sick. He's clumsy and oblivious, he really didn't help me much. And I can feel my forehead throbbing continuously just by recalling what had happened.

Everything was okay at first. Don't get me wrong. However, he shortly started becoming irritating when he kept leaning over in my face, totally violating my personal space. He was asking several questions of: "Are you feeling better?", "Do you need to go see the doctor? Veee, I'll carry you down there myself!", and "Where does it hurt? Why are your eyes darkening underneath? Do you need some thing to drink, because your cheeks are so flushed!"

Then, a little bit later, I informed him that I was getting hungry. Feli nodded in understanding (at least, I hope he understood), and he then quickly reached for the thermometer on my bedside table and thrust it into my mouth against my will. I had squirmed and shouted a string of rough muffled curses in protest. He only gave me a smile and said he'd be back ASAP with some food. And then quickly took his leave.

So I just kind of lied there, glaring freaking holes into the closed door. I was not at all happy about having been left with that thing in my mouth. It tasted so metallic, ewww. Believe me, I would have spat the damned thermometer out if I just had the energy at the time. What was the point of taking my temperature, anyway? He just took it about twenty seconds before! Seriously, does one's temperature really change that instantly? I think it was already obvious I was freezing to death, nearly turning blue!

I waited and waited, pouting all the while. Feliciano finally dashed into the room no more than five minutes later with a bowl of some of the leftover pasta from the previous night. It was actual pasta, he had made himself completely from scratch. Knowing I was going to be eating some as well, he had even added extra cheese and tomatoes.

Hmm, how thoughtful, I guess. (That sounds so awkward. I'm not used to using compliments, so...yeah...)

He had placed the bowl on the beside table and then took the damn thermometer out of my mouth. When he read the temperature out loud, I could have sworn I flinched a little. According to that, I was at a near freezing to death temperature. He had given me a concerned look, but masked it with his usual absent smile and then took it to the bathroom to wash it off a little.

While he was gone, I eyed the pasta longingly. It had been hours since I last ate something, because I hadn't had the strength to drag myself out of bed. Miraculously, I had been able to at least leave the bed long enough to pee and come back. But that's as far as I made it. I just wanted to devour the food sooo badly, it looked extra tempting then usual. Luckily, Feli returned shortly and sat down beside me on the bed, one hand holding the bowl, and the other had the fork.

I just stared, my eyebrows furrowed together.

"Ve~ You aren't in any condition to make any movements, so I'll feed you." Feli had explained, taking notice of my suspicious staring.

I had just sighed irritatedly and shifted around weakly, just barely being able to get into a slouched position against the pillows. "Hey, I don't need anyone feeding me. I can do it myself."

"No, just relax, Lovino! I don't mind helping at all!" He insisted, I was at a loss of words for a minute because...I didn't expect him to say that. He sounded so genuine too.

Feeling my cheeks flush in embarrassment, I glanced the other way and pouted. It was just really embarrassing, being so weak and down like this. Barely being able to do any regular actions myself. And Feliciano was sitting at my side witnessing it. He was seeing me at one of the worst times possible and I just...

Ohh God, I can't explain it at all. Even though I was embarrassed, I caved in and let him feed me. This would have been one of those sappy brotherly moments like you see all the time in fiction. Except, there was a catch; Feli kept his eyes locked on each noodle as it went into my mouth. Tch, it was so pathetic and irritating.

Yeah, and strangers who don't know better wonder how we're even related at all when we tell them our background. If they knew of our obsession with pasta in general.

Anyway, anyway, so he gathered the noddles onto the fork skillfully each time and would lower it to mouth, waiting however long it took for me to stop getting my teeth to chatter from how cold I was, and I would lean forward and eat it slowly. It took about eleven minutes for me to finish, and then Feli had slipped off the bed and went back to my side after setting down the empty bowl.

Afterward, all was silent for just a few seconds. Just the way I wanted it to be, so that I could maybe take a nap and ease away this damn sickness that I just had to catch now. But unfortunately, my brother had another idea in mind. He had clasped his hands together and smiled like a young child. I sometimes wish he wouldn't do that; he's turning sixteen this March after all and it looks weird!

"Veeee~ why don't we do something? You look bored!" He had suggested and pointed out. I wanted so badly to chuck the nearby bowl at him, but I resisted the want because I was so frail at the moment.

I had sighed deeply and tiredly in response, turning my head and giving him an un-amused look. "Truth be told: I'm bored outta my fucking mind. But," I paused, bitterly thinking about how much I hated lying in bed sick and having someone see me this way. "I think I should just sleep it off for a little bit."

"Maybe you need some medicine as well, brother...ve~ I know! I'll go run down to the drugstore and get you some for your cold!" Announced Feli after snapping a finger. I just stared with slightly-widened eyes.

In case you're wondering, my response was: "Y-you'd really go out so late when it's close to closing...just to get me some medicine?"

"Of course!" Feliciano walked over to the edge of my bed and grabbed his dark blue jacket and threw it on right quick as he moved towards the doorway. Before stepping out, he turned around and added; "Just stay in bed and do not get out unless it's really necessary, Ve~ and I'll turn down the air conditioner so you won't freeze to death any more than you are now!"

And that's what happened. Feli's still gone, and I took the opportunity to write out this entry. I hope he returns soon, I-I can't stand this any longer. It's like a living Hell trying to put up with a cold! Especially when you don't get sick very often, let alone injure easily!

...Literally. I mean, I usually don't get sick often. And when I do, I heal remarkably faster than what's considered normal. Wish me luck, because I'm going to be struggling with this cold for a little while I guess.

Goddamn it, WHEN WILL FELI BE BACK WITH THAT MEDICINE...?

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To Be Continued

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_(Random and unnecessary) A/N: Poor, poor Lovi. I hate getting sick too; I caught a horrible cold last December and I thought I'd die. :(_

_Well, anyway, enough about me. I hope you liked the entry. Nothing really much happening, except for small little brotherly moments between Lovi and Feli. There's more to come, do not worry!_

_Hopefully I'll get to update soon. Please read and review, to make Lovino happy~! ^_^_


	5. Entry 7

_A/N: Sorry for the late update. I will try to be quicker. Also, Belgium is mentioned in this one. But I didn't what kind of human name to give her. She hasn't been given one officially, right? :\ Well, anyway, I went with "Brigida". Why? Because, for some reason, I think the name would fit her. And because I, yet again for some reason, like the name. *Shrugs shoulders*_

_Disclaimer: APH is not mine, I guess the diary of Romano is though..._

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January 7th, Entry 7

Current Location: School library 2:40 PM

Special Note: I finally figured out a name to give you. Antonio. I know it's not the best, let's just say that it came to me in a dream while I was recovering.

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Dear Antonio,

So there. I finally managed to come with a name for you. Now I don't have to suffer as much humiliation if someone manages to find you and take a read. It isn't real girly or gay-ish sounding like "diary" or "journal". Let's just say that dreams pay off sometimes. And just between you and me: there's something about that name that I like. It's shame that I've rarely heard of anyone named that.

Anyway, you better fucking like this name. Wait, what am I saying? Am I actually threatening an inanimate object? I must be really affected by that damn cold I had gotten struck by previously.

Let me tell you about what's been going on so far, I have the time to do it. School will be over in just a couple of hours anyway, and I have some time before going to the last classes. I usually tend to sit here by myself in the school library, it gives me a chance to kick back and reflect while I peek through books. I also have my iPod with me and I'm blasting some music on shuffle. Currently, Bring Me To Life by Evanescence is playing.

Well, I've at least learned something in these past three days. I am never going to catch a cold for as long as I live. It was horrible! I was constantly cold, but sometimes randomly felt like my entire body was on fire, I was weak and frail, I had to spend all day in bed, and I was forced to listen to Feliciano and his little boyfriend talk for hours in the living room. Ugh, these were some of the worst days of my life!

God Knows I don't want to admit this...but I...I guess I am glad that I had Feliciano at my side all the time though. He was annoying and screwed up a lot with things. But he was helpful at times, and he was genuinely concerned about my condition. Even though I treat him like shit all the time, he is my brother after all. I suppose living with him myself for all these years and trying to make sure the both of us were safe and sound, I care about him.

I will never say this to his face though.

Anyway, I would be lying if I said it feels good to be back in school. After Feliciano had escorted me to a doctor to see if I was well enough to return, I wasn't sure whether to smirk or groan by the answer. Even though I felt horrible for those few days, it was nice to take a break away from classes. Now, unfortunately, I'm back.

Let me tell you about my day so far. It was just how I wanted it to be. No one seemed to even care that I was back in school, they kept their distance. Just between you and me, Antonio, I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if maybe I stopped trying to put on a tough 'don't fuck with me' kind of attitude and give them the cold shoulder. If I tried to be myself, would they actually pay attention to my existence?

Oh. I don't even know why I'm saying this. Just as I've stated before: I don't need any friends in my life. I don't need anybody. I'm just fine with being alone. Besides, I have issues with putting my honest trust into people anyway. Let's say that I do happen to find a person that actually wants to befriend me. Well, I wouldn't be able to put any faith or trust in them. And the relationship would fail.

My theory about these trust issues' origin is that it all goes back to when I was very young. Being all alone with only my brother there at my side. Having take care of ourselves on harsh streets. Doesn't that sound likely?

Sigh, why am I even talking about this? I'm just going to forget that and continue going into detail about my day. When I first entered the school I saw Feliciano talking enthusiastically with that potato bastard.

"Yes, so my brother's no longer sick! Ve~ I'm so glad!"

"I guess...that's good."

"Isn't it though? Ludwig, thank you so much for lending me some money to get Lovino some medicine! Since he hasn't gotten to go to his part-time job for the past few days...well, we're desperately needing to save up as much as we can."

"Well...I knew that you were in a tight situation."

"Hahaha~ Ve~ Ludwig's looking kind of red in the face!"

And that was when I glared at them both from where I was at and started walking down the halls to get to my locker before I puked. Just listening to that conversation was sickening enough. This is why you won't ever see me fall for anyone.

The morning wasn't totally eventful I guess. As I said before; no one really noticed me. And Feliciano kept running to me between classes and trying to make fairweather-style conversation. Of course, I didn't really give him much response. Since it would be impossible to get away from him, I allowed him to go on and on until the bell rung.

One thing kind of interesting, I'll admit, was the little scene that Francis and Arthur were making during Math. I'm pretty sure that nearly everyone including me was looking in their direction, they usually end up sitting right beside each other anyway. I assumed that things were going to not be chaotic for once. But then Francis had passed a note to Arthur (since I was sitting behind him, even though I really didn't want to be, I could clearly read it's contents). He read it silently and tensed up afterward. I had to bite my lip to hold back my snickers.

The note read in that pervert's cursive, kinda girly handwriting: "You're looking sexy today."

Blushing a dark red color, Arthur had crumbled the note and then shot Francis an un-amused glare. He then started writing a note out of pure spite, that from what I could read, said: "Shut up, frog!"

And that's how it all began. While the freaking oblivious teacher had his back turned and was writing some long ass math problems on the board, Francis and Arthur went back and forth writing notes. I swear, you could barely even see their hands writing, mostly that English guy's. It was all a blur for me! I barely even got a glance at the notes. But I did make out these three from Francis: "I don't want to 'shut up'.", "Aw, you're so cute when you're embarrassed", and "just admit that you want me so badly, and I will leave you alone". I only caught one from Arthur that read: "If you write any more bloody messages, I'll fucking punch you in your stupid face!" God, why don't those two just become an official couple already?

Once math was over, I was quick to gather my backpack and get out of my seat. But I had suddenly bumped into someone as I did so, and this certain someone gasped a little in surprise as his/her things fell to the floor. I was about to get ready to cuss this person out for bumping into me.

And then I turned around and got a good view of their face.

I could feel my cheeks begin to heat up intensely, and found myself quickly getting tongue tied trying to utter an apology. This person that had accidentally bumped into my side was...Brigida. Who's she?

She's one hell of a _Bella signorina_, that is what she is. With her short, golden blond hair that's always pulled back in a high ponytail, beautiful sparkling eyes, lightly tanned skin, and then there's that kitty smile she almost always wears. I don't understand how she doesn't have guys practically killing each other to get to her. She's so attractive...b-but I'm not saying that I like her! Of course not! I'm just complimenting her, okay? Got it?

Hmmph...well, anyway, Brigida seemed to notice I was nervous. She gave me that kitty smile of hers (I felt like my knees were shaking and I was about to melt at that, don't give that look.) and she said it was alright and apologized herself for bumping into me. And I wanted to be able to properly respond back...I've wanted to do so for years now. But I could barely speak, and I was stammering and trying to sound as polite as I could manage. I felt like such an idiot.

I figured the least I could do was help her gather up her books and backpack that she had dropped. I got down onto the floor with Brigida and helped get everything together, but our hands at brushed at least twice. Which didn't help me at all, and I wouldn't doubt it if my face was as red as a tomato by the time we got back up. Thankfully, everyone else was already out of the room and didn't see me act like such a retard around her.

"Thank you, Lovino~" She had said after slipping her books into her backpack and smiling and looking straight into my eyes. It could have just been me, but those words just sounded so angelic.

I had stood there for several seconds even after she left the classroom. My face burning, and a genuine smile attempting to tug at lips I was fighting to keep in a flat line.

Well, that whole thing could have NOT been more embarrassing. I didn't even dare let her get a good look at me for any other classes we were in together. She probably thinks that I'm a big idiot. Either that, or she assumes from the my body language and the way I kept getting tongue tied that I have a crush on her or something! Ugh, this couldn't get any worse! I'll have you know, Antonio, that I do not have a crush on Brigida!

Maybe...maybe it's just because I, for some crazy reason, can't seem to be myself when I'm around the opposite sex. When I try and at least talk to a girl, I get all nervous and shy and try frantically to be as polite as possible. I'm such a complicated person. Maybe Feli was right, I do need need you. It feels good getting all of these thoughts off my chest.

And the last eventful thing that happened today was during study hall. I was quietly sitting at a table in the corner and studying for the math test next next week, and trying to forget about that humiliating encounter with Brigida. Unfortunately for me, my table was between the one that Alfred was sitting at with his quiet brother and that Japanese guy, and the one that Francis and Gilbert were sitting at together talking loudly.

While I was trying to ignore the Alfred's fucking blasting voice as he was saying stuff about the math test to his brother, I had turned my attention over to Francis and Gilbert; at least they weren't THAT loud with their conversing. I could make out the pervert and albino saying some stuff about how they heard there was going to be a new student attending here soon.

As much as I hate to admit this, I was interested by that. There was really going to be a new student? I had listened a little more to this conversation, and found out from Francis that he overheard (Cough, eavesdropped probably, cough) that it was an exchange student or something. But he doesn't know where exactly he/she came from before, what country yet. Really, what is the point of having an exchange student here?

There's already Japanese, Chinese, Italian, German, French, British, Canadian Russian, Austrian, Hungarian, and a whole lot of other nationalities here at this small school besides the American. It's practically the entire world studying at one school. Seriously, what...?

Well, the song I was listening too ended I just heard the bell ring. So, I guess that means I'm going to have to end this entry here. I'll write more later. Maybe either tonight before I hit the sack or tomorrow. Right now, I'm going to look around for some clubs to join and then once school is over for the day, go out to my part-time job at that local cafe that's across from me and Feli's apartment.

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To Be Continued

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_*Insert mysterious music here* And now things are picking up! Who is this exchange student that Lovino overheard them talking about? Does he really have a crush on Brigida, or is it just all in his head? What other situations will he get into next? And will Francis and Arthur finally just get together already? ;) Well, you'll just have to find out!_

_Oh, the whole "it's practically the entire world studying at one school" quote was SUPPOSED to be a joke hinting at everyone there is technically the world themselves. Yes, yes, I know that was a fail. *Hands you a baseball bat* feel free to hit me for the fail attempt. -_-'_

_I hope to update soon, please read and review!_


	6. Entry 8

_Disclaimer: It's probably really obvious by now that I don't own Hetalia Axis Powers, right?_

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January 7th, Entry 8

Current Location: My Bedroom, 11:00 PM

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Antonio,

Yawn, it's going to have to be a short entry. I was just about to crawl under the covers and try and get a little bit of sleep after what's happened to me today (that I'm sure I went into detail about in the last entry, right?). Not only was I exhausted as hell from school today, but also my part-time shift at this nearby cafe.

I just would like to have my head hit the pillows and then finally drift into a heavy slumber, so I can finally get my mind off of whether or not Gilbert and Francis were telling the truth about there being a new student, the two humiliating encounters I've experienced with Brigida, the fact that Feli was out for a long time with that potato bastard and didn't tell me what exactly went on during that time, and the upcoming big math test. I just want to forget about it all. But, unfortunately, I'm not so lucky.

For some reason, I can't fall asleep. My eyes will close, but they just have to crack open after some random amount of seconds and refuse to close again. Grrr...it's so frustrating! I could hit something, I swear it! Oh well, since I can't seem to drift off...might as well write another entry and share what all happened during my shift at that cafe. Writing usually makes he want to fall asleep anyway, but I have no damn clue why...

Well, let's see, I thought that my shift would be as uneventful as it usually is. Just the way I like it. Because if there's one thing I hate about this job, it's having to clean up nearly all the fucking time! It just pisses me off the way the customers that come in here are seemingly trying to be as sloppy as they can be so that someone will have to clean up after them! Yes, 'eventful' to me is having to be forced by the manager to clean up. I can't stand being bossed around or actually having to clean at all, it's just a hassle, but my job's on the line if I refuse. I need to keep this part-time job for as long as I can after all, just to make enough cash to live off of.

In case you're wondering, today was very 'eventful'. Every other fucking time I would go back behind the counter, I would catch someone "accidentally" making a mess in some way! There was about three spills, one guy was trying to count money an hold onto his leaking cup at the exact same time, and I'm pretty sure that these two old women were the ones that had knocked over the container of sugar without realizing it! Oh, but it doesn't end here. After I almost cussed some bastard out that had knocked over the cups I had just stacked on purpose, the manager tried to hold me back and then forced me to clean out the bathrooms.

Both bathrooms.

And let me just say that those were the some of the worst thirty minutes of my entire life. The men's bathroom was completely disgusting, the womens' sure wasn't that much different! Not to mention that when I had reluctantly entered the women's bathroom with the supplies I needed, they were all staring at me like I was a retard or something...which was what I felt like for even listening to my damn manager! I had hurried as fast as I could manage and left, all while saying some choice words to him under my breath in Italian as to not get myself in any more trouble.

Ugh, I was so glad to be finished cleaning those bathrooms. I fucking hate having to clean in general and I'm not used to it, Feli is usually the one that does the housework at our apartment anyway! Well, the past id the past I suppose. But I still am boiling with rage over how the manager treats me! He acts like I've got the plaque, and the other employees are always getting his respect! Especially that Finnish guy, Tino. But it's not like I care at all. Soon I'll be receiving my pay and I'll at least have a good enough amount in my savings, then I can just quiet happily.

Besides all the excessive cleaning I was forced to do today, nothing else to remark about happened.

That is, until she walked into the cafe.

I had been behind the counter once again stacking some shit and Tino was in the storage place with the other two employees (whose names I still don't know to this day, and never want to know) during this time. It had to be around 7:00, and the cafe would be closing in just another two hours, which was a big relief for me. I had heard the annoying bell ding repeatedly to alert me of a customer and I sighed irritatedly under my breath and turned around with my arms crossed.

The typical scowl on my face instantly cracked like broken glass and I stared in surprise. Brigida had glanced around the cafe before smiling and lightening up the atmosphere. She walked up to the cafe and returned my look of surprise.

"B-Brigida?"

"Lovino? You work here?"

I tried to ignore my heart fluttering and doing some crazy shit as I replied a little shakily, "Y-yeah...only one shift though. So, uh, why are you here?"

She had smiled once again while looking into my eyes. I could feel my cheeks just sizzle as I averted my eyes and tried to keep my cool. As much as I hate admitting this, I have no clue AT ALL when around this girl. It's just insane. "Oh, some friends were talking about this place. They said the coffee here was good and suggested I try it out. And as boycrazy as they were, they couldn't resist adding that there was a couple of cute guys working here that are my age. Ugh, I sometimes get a little annoyed with them, you know what I mean?" I had just given her a shaky nod and then averted my eyes once again away from her face and a little lower. Which, wasn't the best move, 'cuz she was wearing a low-cut tank top at the time and well...I can't write or complete that thought without feeling that damn dark red blush rush into my face.

Brigida must have noticed I was very nervous. Every time she tried to make a little nonchalant conversation, I would feel blood rush into my cheeks and I had gotten tongue tied like a complete retard. God, it was so humiliating, but I wanted to finally control myself around her so that she doesn't jump to conclusions and think that I have a, pffft, crush on her. Because, FYI, I don't have a goddamn crush on her! She just is so...nice and attractive that I merely get caught off-guard!

She finally made her order, it was just a large cup of black coffee. I was so shaky at the moment that I was barely even able to hold the pen and write that down on the notepad. Somehow I was able to do it. And she then went over to a table and took a seat. When I was sure she was out of earshot, I had released a sigh and placed a hand on my forehead to substitute a facepalm.

And that Finnish bastard had the nerve to walk up to my side after having saw the whole scene. He smiled at me and chuckled a little in order to sooth the tension in the air. Then he commented, "Well, that didn't go too bad. But she probably thinks you're awkward now." I had turned and gave him a very cold glare that he flinched under and backed up.

"H-hey, you don't have to be like that..." Tino stammered, he smiled afterward and reached for my shoulder to give it a "friendly" pat. But I wanted to bite his hand off at that moment. "If you really have that big of a crush on her-"

I interrupted him with a growl and sharply turned to grab a nearby cup and the container of steaming coffee. I wouldn't doubt it if literal steam was clouding from my flaming cheeks, actually. "Just shut the hell up..."

He gave me a concerned look as I held the large cup of steaming coffee and brushed past him. Ugh, I swear that guy annoys the hell out me, Antonio! I don't have a crush on Brigida, it's just that girls tend to CATCH ME OFF GUARD and I end up making an idiot out of myself when in the presence of one.

Somehow, I had gotten the vibe that serving Brigida her coffee was a horrible decision when I had been pouring it up. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back, now I do. See, I had been making my way over to her table, trying to rid the damn thoughts of what Tino said out of my mind. When I noticed Brigida, my world suddenly begun to slow down.

I took notice to how gorgeous she had looked. With her golden hair let out of it's ponytail and resting at her slim shoulders, her shimmering eyes set on the menu she was looking over, and then that tight low-cut tank top she was wearing with that short skirt...which I could see a lot of her crossed legs at that angle...goddamn it, she was so distracting that I could feel my heart beat begin to quicken and ring in my ears and my cheeks begin to turn dark red. In my panic, my hands begun to start trembling and, well...

Crash.

It all happened so fast. Too fast. I tried to catch the falling cup but it hit the floor and the drink shot out from the uncovered top and splashed onto the table, my feet, Brigida's feet, and the floor beneath us. And she gasped at the sudden heat over her uncovered toes. That was it. I wanted to just fucking die right there. It would have suited me just fine.

Brigida had quickly gotten out of her seat and stared at the me in total confusion. I couldn't met her eyes, I kept my gaze on the pool of dark brown liquid staining the floor. Probably, by this point, my face could not get any redder and hotter than what it had been before. When my shock wore away, I settled my gaze back on her reluctantly and tried to force out an apology.

Tino must have seen this all happen, because he hurried out from behind the counter with a mop and bucket to clean up the mess. You know, I bet he was so prompt because there's a lot of spills and messes to clean here at this place...

"B-Brigida...I...I'm..." Brigida just shook her head and came a little closer to me, I had blinked repeatedly at this. She must have noticed by extremely fucking obvious embarrassment and was going to try and reassure me.

"It's okay, Lovino." She said in that angelic voice, I practically melted when she gave me her usual kitty smile again. "You know, you seem a little clumsy tonight. And your face is," I wasn't expecting Brigida to lift a hand and press it against my forehead. As stupid as this might sound, I might have passed out if she had left it there any longer than what she did. Her skin felt so smooth and I just...pfft, but I'm not saying that I liked it or anything... "Your face is really red and warm! Your brother told me between classes today that you were previously sick with a cold, are you still not healed from it?"

Actually, I no longer feel sick from the cold. It's just that I'm so lame around the opposite sex. It didn't matter how much she reassured me that accidentally, clumsily spilling her order was okay, it still was embarrassing for me and even now as I write this...tch...I can just feel the blood rapidly rush to my cheeks just having the flashback of it all.

After the experience, Tino had finished cleaning up the spilled coffee and Brigida asked him for another one. Which really got under my skin, because now she probably thinks I'm just a klutz! Oh God, just ONCE I'd like to not screw things up around her! Well, he accepted the order and went back behind the counter to get her coffee.

Brigida had asked me if I wanted to talk to her for a little bit while she was waiting. But I could feel myself getting tongue tied at the offer hanging in the air like this. I wanted to accept it, so badly. Yet words were impossible and I just turned and disappeared back into the storage room without giving an answer. I wanted to just slap the shit out of myself for doing that, but I didn't want to make myself look like an even bigger retard in front of her today...

Once back in the storage room, I had pushed out the other two employees whatever-the-hell-their-names-are so that I could be alone for a little bit and try and collect myself. Whenever I get embarrassed, no matter what the situation, I must go off somewhere alone. Don't know why. I just get so annoyingly self-conscious, and I can't take it. But anyway, I stood back flat against the door and released a long sigh before slumping down to the floor and resting my arms and head on my knees.

Not going to lie, at that moment, it felt like my life just sucked in general.

And that's basically all that had happened tonight. After my shift ended, I tossed off my apron, muttered a quick goodbye to Tino, the other two guys whose names I don't care about knowing, and my douche bag of a manager. I had walked back home to me and Feliciano's apartment since it's not too far a distance, and streets are usually lit well once night falls.

Hmm, nothing else really remarkable happened tonight. Which is exactly how I wanted it to be. Me and Feli had some random pasta dish, he didn't once make any implications that the potato bastard had been around here while I was gone, he cleaned up everything afterward out of habit, and I went right to my bedroom and have been here ever since.

On an ending note, do you remember that one New Year's Resolution that I wanted to fulfill this year?

"**#2: Keep promise to never fall in love with anyone girl OR guy"**

Why do I get some kind of annoying vibe that this one is going to be hard to stick to very soon?

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To Be Continued

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_To answer that last question, Lovi, because of a certain someone entering the picture soon. ;D Anyone know whom this certain someone is? Anyone? *Points towards the story's summary to heavily imply the answer* But, of course, that will not happen until the next chapter...or...entry if you want to get technical with it._

_Reviews really brighten my down mood! Please read and review, they're highly appreciated!_


	7. Entry 9, Part 1 of 2

_A/N: And here's the ninth entry. Hope you're ready. *Large and unnecessary eruption of confetti* Now Antonio (Spain) enters the picture here at Lovi's school soon. And the drama is really going to be picking up as our little tsudere Italian tries to deal with keeping his promise to never fall for anyone, girl or guy. With Antonio and also Brigida around him in his life, that is going to be a very tough promise to keep. ;D_

_Disclaimer: I only own the diary of Romano. The main anime and it's characters belong to the original creator (who is not me). -_-_

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January 8th, Entry 9 1/2

Current Location: the Living Room, 6:38 PM

Special Note: That new student that those two bastards, Gilbert and Francis, had been talking about arrived at the school today. I don't know why, but the damn feeling that my life is about to get turned upside down. Believe me, it isn't a good feeling at all!

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Antonio,

Whew, dammit, I had such an exhausting day. I couldn't even make it to my bedroom after me and Feliciano were finished with dinner. I just tossed my bag onto the couch along with myself and I rested a few moments before pulling you out and bothering to write.

Naturally, there aren't enough words in the world to describe my rage over what had happened today. But it's not just rage, I can't help but feel mortified as well. Not sure if I'll even be able to calm myself long enough to write this entry. But you better just be lucky I managed to save you from someone elses' possession.

Why don't I remind to what happened today? Well, it all started this morning the minute I cracked my tired eyes open I hadn't really gotten much good sleep the night before and it was really affecting me. I usually get very cranky and hard to deal with when I don't get any good sleep. And I had to be in school, so that meant I didn't get to take a _siesta_ either. Damn.

Once again, I woke up to Feliciano's face rather than the alarm clock. He had given me a typical absent smile and informed me that breakfast was ready. He was already dressed and seemed to be ready to begin the day. I had tried to roll over and block him out because in contrast, I didn't give a fuck about the fact I'd be wasting the day by staying in bed. It wouldn't be the first time I was out of school (READ: when I had that horrible cold previously) but my irritating_ Fratello _just didn't understand and stripped the warm blankets off me. I had shivered so badly 'cuz I was only wearing a thin t-shirt and boxers.

So at last, I caved in and dragged my ass out of bed. And Feli seemed to be totally unaware of the evil glares I had sent in his direction as I did so. He practically skipped out of the room humming a random tune to go put breakfast on the plates. Once he was gone, I had sighed deeply and reluctantly started getting my clothes out.

I had taken a shower, brushed my teeth (because I fucking despise that horrible taste in my mouth in the morning.), and gotten dressed in the clothes I had randomly pulled out; just a tan-colored tank top underneath a gray jacket, dark distressed jeans, and some sneakers. Then I brushed through my hair, but made sure that it looked right in it's usual style. And finally, I trudged out of room and down the stairs to get to the second floor of our apartment.

Breakfast was uneventful. Feli just randomly talked about how "Ludwig seems to be acting strange lately", "Veee, I cooked the breakfast today; I hope it tastes good! I found this tasty recipe at...", and "I checked the weather with my phone, the forecast predicts that it'll pour rain today! Isn't that odd?" I just gave him occasional looks and grunts to tell him I was actually bothering to listen.

Once we were finished eating, Feliciano insisted that he would meet me at school later. He decided to put away all the dirty dishes and tidy up just a little before we left (probably the potato bastard's obsession with cleaning wearing off on him). I tried to talk him out of it, but he was stubborn. So I just sighed and gathered my backpack before leaving.

And guess what? I didn't make it a few blocks down the street before the dark rain clouds overhead started pouring goddamn rain! Ugh, I was so pissed about that! I don't like walking in the rain, especially not after I just returned back to normal health from a horrible cold. I glared up at the sky that was the source of my problems, zipped my jacket all the way up, and covered my hair with the hood before making my way back down the street I practically have memorized. At least I wasn't the only one offended by the sudden unexpected rain showers; there were a lot of idiots that were unprepared and were trying their hardest to stay dry and make their way to their destinations. Idiots, like I said.

After I had entered the school building and made my way towards my locker, my brother burst in through the doors not at all dripping wet like me and all the other passing students because he had actually been smart for once and carried a damn umbrella! I briefly could feel a surge of anger after realizing that he didn't get one for me, this was forgotten entirely when I heard her voice again.

At this familiar female voice, I had frozen up. Yeah, right there like a retard. Of course, my locker door had just been opened at the time so I couldn't make out this girl's appearance. But I knew it was Brigida. Why does she always insist upon talking to me at random times? Why? Remembering the little fiasco the previous night, plus the encounter before in math class, my cheeks had flushed and I kept my eyes on the items in my locker.

"Hi, Lovino~ I wanted to talk to you about something." Brigida had greeted me. I could sense her gorgeous eyes were staring at me, and then my tongue twisted up and I made movements with my hand in the locker to make it look like I hadn't frozen up like a complete idiot.

"O-oh, what is it?" I had wanted to bite my fucking tongue off for sounding so nervous than I wanted to be.

I grabbed the locker and closed it back roughly to make sure it would stay. Then I turned and met Brigida's gaze. That was when my knees were buckling and for some strange reason...my heart was pounding erratically as well. Did she notice my nervousness or not? And why was she even still bothering to talk to me after I've made such a clumsy idiot out of myself several times around her?

She was looking as attractive as ever, with her golden hair held back in ponytail, sparkling green eyes, and clad in a tight brown t-shirt and a knee-length casual light blue skirt. I hoped that glancing away would hide the stubborn blush that was obviously displayed on my face.

She continued to smile at me and then came a little closer and grabbed my wrist unexpectedly. I stared in shock, my eyes widening and my face burning up. I hadn't ever really had something like this happen, unlike my stupid brother whom was constantly hitting on nearly every young girl he met. It wasn't that I was inexperienced with this kind of stuff, because I have actually bothered to indirectly hit on a few girls in the past. Not that I had any feeling behind it though. The urge to drop a line probably was just in my blood, I guess. But anyway, back to the story, so Brigida started to lead me away and we walked down the empty halls together.

I was glad the halls were empty for once since it was almost time for the first class to start. Because if there's one thing in this world I don't need: it's some asshole spreading a rumor about me. Especially a rumor about me liking someone. To be honest, I would punch said person in the face if that were to happen. But I wasn't even beginning to think about violence at all when I was following Brigida with her hand lightly grasping my wrist. I was in a state of bliss, just getting a good view of her gorgeous hair and inhaling the scent of her. O-of course I'm not saying I stayed that way long! I did come back to my senses soon, FYI!

"Just follow me." She had said in a delayed reaction, craning her head back to look at me. Her eyes were practically glinting and I was somewhat worried. But she wasn't the type to plan anything devious, I guess.

The walk was short and uneventful in reality. My mind was taking it as paradise. Goddamn it, I had just wanted to punch myself for being so dreamy and off into my own little world!

"Here we are." Brigida released my hand once we arrived at the door to an empty and dark room. She rocked back and forth on her feet and smiled at me as she added, "I wanted to talk to you about something privately, nobody ever really uses this room for anything. Students have suggested to the principle that we could made it another classroom; but he hasn't approved the idea yet. So because of that, I hang out here sometimes."

The idea of being in a room all alone with Brigida...it made me feel extremely nervous to the point of sweating. I don't know why I was though. Damn, it wasn't like she was a fucking serial killer out to get me, so why was I so worried? And yet on the other hand, I was also a little unsure about what she wanted to talk to me about. I refused to let my imagination take over and try and skip around to stupid scenarios though. But in the end the words clumsy left my tongue and I ended up accepting the invitation and we both walked inside.

Are you wondering if this whole encounter with Brigida was what made me angry and exhausted like I sad before? If you are, then no. Actually, I had assumed that my day might not be as nondescript and dull as I thought earlier this morning. On the contrary, and I say this at the risk of sounding like an idiot, it was one of the better highlights. Wow, that sounds so stupid. If anyone ever reads over this besides me and ever quotes it, that bastard is dead.

Anyway, me and Brigida had entered the room and she reached for the dangling chain in the darkness and pulled it once. Light filled the room and I glanced around admiring it. Though I didn't risk sounding all soft and complimenting it, the place still didn't look half bad. The walls were painted a light brown and the flooring was light gray. It was large enough to be a classroom, but was mostly empty aside from some old bookshelves, a worn bench that looked like it was made out of some crappy excuse of material, and some discarded boxes littered the floors. But it didn't look bad at all.

After standing around and taking in the scene, I noticed Brigida was sitting on one of the boxes nearby and looking up with that usual kitty smile as she reached over and pat the box beside that one. Apparently inviting me to take a seat. I was a little skeptical, but I caved and lowered myself to the ground and took a seat on it. We both had sat there for a short period of seconds in silence.

I'm not good with awkward silences. So I put both hands behind my head, tried to relax myself from being in Brigida's presence, and spoke up. "So...what did you want to talk to me about, Brigida?"

"Well, I had wanted to talk to you about this last night at the cafe. But after you spilled the coffee, I wasn't quick enough to catch you before you ran off." I had glanced away, my face probably turning an impossible shade of red as I recalled that fucking screw-up. I was so close to finally making myself NOT look like a retard in front of her, but then I just had to go and spill coffee all over the floor!

"I'm so-"

"Oh, don't worry about that!" She had interrupted, reaching and lightly patting my tense shoulder. "It wasn't a big deal. I wouldn't be talking to you right now if I was angry about that, would I?" As she giggled afterward, I felt a little less embarrassed about the whole thing. Maybe I was just overreacting at the time. Hmmph, maybe. "Now I'm sure that you might have heard there's a new student coming over here for a while right?"

"Yes, I heard about that..."

"Well," She had placed her hands in her lap and glanced vacantly around the room. I was staring at her in confusion by the pause, until she continued. "He's something of a long-distance friend from Spain."

I was a little confused by that. Brigida was from Belgium, so how could she...?

Well, after her explanation I understood a little better. Though I still feel stupid for not getting it at first. She said that even though she was born in Belgium, her family had went over to Spain for a few years until something had come up. But while there, she had met this guy. She didn't mention his name, probably because she sensed I didn't give a fuck about it. Listening to this made me feel something...in my chest welling...what was this called? Jealousy? I don't know why the hell this made me feel a little jealous. There was no reason to be; she described this guy as a so-called "friend", not a "boyfriend". Right?

And after saying all this, she went added that he was coming over here. But the reasons why escaped her, the guy hadn't told her why when she had gotten into contact with him. Since he was going to be new here, and it was hard to adjust to new places that aren't familiar, she wanted me to aid her in welcoming him. Since he was going to be in the same classes as the both of us after all (unfortunately in hindsight). I was reluctant to agree to this. Truth be told, I didn't give a damn about this guy. But after looking into her eyes I couldn't...fuck...I couldn't say no to her.

In hindsight, this probably wasn't a good idea. It was that reluctant agreement that turned my life upside down and made it completely exhausting and frustrating then it already was. At that point in time, I was just in a dreamy state at hearing her thank me in that angelic voice and reach forward to hug me. Only problem was that I hadn't expected her to make an attempt to hug me, I was so shocked that I dodged without thinking, and that's when Feliciano burst into the room and innocently mentioned that the bell had just rung and the first class of the day was about to begin.

And after seeing us frozen in our previous positions, he suddenly announced that he "didn't mean to interrupt anything personal", and that's when I had glared at him evilly and could feel my face beginning to burn out of anger and maybe embarrassment somewhere in there. Which reminds me, _Fratello_, I'll fucking maim you if you ever bring that up again.

…

Ugh, you know, my hand is beginning to cramp badly and I body just feels like crap from what else had happened today after this somewhat good highlight of it. I think I'm just going to go trudge up to the bathroom, take a long shower, and then crawl into bed and finish the entry out.

Naturally, if anyone else other than me was reading this, you better run for your fucking life. Because I will catch you.

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To Be Continued

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_A/N: I'm sorry, I was just too lazy to make it long! *quickly ducks behind a wall and shields face from harm* But hopefully I can add the next part to this entry soon. In which Antonio appears and things become complicated and insanely frustrating or Lovi~! Let the drama begin~!_

_You know the drill, feedback is highly appreciated and recommended! :] _


	8. Entry 9, Part 2 of 2

_A/N: Antonio appears in this chapter at last. Thus establishes the whole triangle between him, Lovino, and Brigida. It's time for the drama to begin, and lots and lots of frustration for our poor tsundere Italian. C:_

_WARNING: I kind of...well...I suck when it comes to Spanish. -_- So I may have gotten the Spanish words and phrases wrong, if so, PLEASE FEEL EXTREMELY FREE to correct it in your review._

_Disclaimer: At the risk of sounding like a failure at life, I do not own Hetalia Axis Powers. Only the diary of Lovino._

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January 8th, Entry 9 2/2

Current Location: My Bedroom 8:02 PM

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Antonio,

I just finished taking a long shower to try and relax and clear my mind so that I could get back to finishing this entry. Hmmph, it worked I guess. But what happened to day after that good highlight with Brigida is still somewhere in the back of my mind. I'm lying on my stomach on my bed, the only source of light is the small lamp on the beside table. The window curtains are open and I see the bright and twinkling stars in the sky when I look over there at it. Things are finally...somewhat calming.

Let me tell you about what happened after me and Brigida's encounter. My stupid brother dragged me off to the first class of the day, which happened to be history. It's not like I don't like history, but there are only certain subjects that particularly spark my interest. The other stuff, I don't give a fuck about learning. And today, was one of the days when we learned about some shit that went down in World War 1, and that's when I zoned out and barely was paying attention.

After a few minutes of the teacher, whom just happened to be a younger and attractive woman (wonder why I always get so nervous the minute I set foot into the class...tch...), I decided that this lesson was just boring to me. I was sitting by the window and glancing out occasionally, doing so was strangely nice during class because I could just think about life in general. There was an empty desk beside me and the potato bastard just happened to be sitting behind me and discreetly reading little notes Feli kept passing to him obviously. But at that time, I found myself too lost in my own personal thoughts to glare at the bastard or give him the finger when the teacher wasn't looking, or none of the usual stuff I discreetly performed when he just happened to be sitting behind me. I kept thinking about what Brigida was saying about this Spanish guy she was friends with.

Suddenly, the classroom door was thrown open and everyone including myself hesitantly looked over at whoever had chosen to burst in at this time. This was when my life was promptly turned upside down.

Instantly, a lot of the girls in the room either stared, pleasantly surprised by the sight. Some that were braver were wolf whistling under their breaths. As much as I fucking hate to admit this...I couldn't tear my damned eyes away from this person either. I felt like an idiot for starting, but I couldn't help it. My eyes must have a mind of their own.

The guy standing in the open doorway was...he was...fuck, let's just say that he was not bad looking at all. Hmmph, I'll deny I ever wrote this when someone gets their dirty paws on this diary and reads through it though. This guy was a pretty good height and had dark brown messy hair, tanned skin like he had been out in the sun a lot, deep green eyes, an overly-friendly and to be blunt; kind of creepy smile was present on his face, and he wore a very dark brown t-shirt, tight faded jeans, and sneakers. But what I kept staring at was...was his eyes. They were practically as green emeralds and they scanned every inch of the room in the most fascinated manner. Before finally setting his gaze on me. Before I could tear my eyes away, they met as if it were fate being a bitch again.

When our eyes met, let's just say that I was torn between staying in the classroom and accepting that he was staring at me and his smile was increasing – if that were even possible, and throwing myself out the nearby window hoping to kill myself. This guy seemed to really like staring at me, his expression becoming somewhat dreamy as he did so. Okay, after a few more seconds, I almost had given in to my frustration and stormed over there to punch the retarded look off his face.

Then the teacher paused in the middle of her lesson, turning around and noticing this guy's presence. She smiled a little and gestured for him to come forward. After this, she told all of us that he was a new student from Spain. When she had said this, my interest suddenly sparked and I had recalled Brigida's words. Could this have been the same guy? And guess what, Antonio? My suspicions were correct in the end.

The new guy went on with the introductions himself, speaking in an unmistakable Spanish accent, yet I could tell that his eyes were trying to sneak over to me when he thought I wasn't looking. He couldn't talk without practically all the girls swooning over him. And he introduced himself as 'Antonio...' and I lost him after the first name, because it sounded like a bunch of Spanish gibberish afterward. Meh, I'm not good with Spanish; it always confuses the hell outta me. Plus, I never really saw the need to learn it when I would never use it.

And then realization had slowly hit me. I realized finally that he had said his name was Antonio. I had felt my cheeks begin to heat up a little as I tried to glance away, to anywhere but this new guy. To be honest, I particularly like the name and it was a little embarrassing knowing that I named you the same thing. How...awkward. I knew at that moment that I really would react far worse if someone were to read you. Said asshole would be killed brutally ten times over and their grave bombed.

"Sit anywhere you want, Antonio." The teacher had sweetly said, returning his smile. "Now, if you'll all look back over here on the board, we'll be discussing the..."

There were at least two empty seats in the classroom, just for the record. The one beside me, and the one a little far in the corner between the potato bastard's obnoxious brother and Alfred. For some reason...Antonio just had to look back at me and practically slide over and plop down at the desk. Purposely, he shifted it a little closer towards me and tapped my upper arm. If I could, I would have bitten his finger off.

"_Como Esta_?" He had said to me in a quiet tone after I grudgingly turned my head and gave him a blank stare. He must have been speaking in Spanish, and I really didn't know what the fuck he just said. So I naturally took offense.

"What the fuck did you call me?" I had growled quietly, my eyebrows knitting together. I hoped that giving him one of my infamous glares would make him back off. But he just blinked repeatedly, apparently not being able to read the atmosphere in any way, he finally just started laughing quietly under his breath.

"'_Como esta?_' basically means '_How are you?_'." He explained, once again giving me a smile. I felt somewhat uncomfortable by this and my cheeks were beginning to feel warm; but I was not blushing. No. way. I just was pissed off about him annoying me and acting like such a creep. Afterward, he had rested his chin on his palm, never once taking those emerald eyes off of me. "I noticed that you have an obvious Italian accent. Are you from Italy?"

"Southern Italy." I muttered in a very bored manner. I had mimicked his position and decided to try and ignore the guy's presence by gazing out the window. At least I wasn't forced to listen to a lesson I didn't give a fuck about, but Antonio was making me annoyed fast. "Hmm. Now will you get the hell away?"

"I don't want to go away." He leaned a little forward and when I turned my head, I stared in shock at quickly he was closing the distance. My cheeks were probably turning dark red at this point, and I wanted to cuss him out for invading my personal space. But I couldn't get the words on the tip of my tongue to leave.

"Antonio, Lovino!" The both of us immediately winced at the teacher's strict voice. I shifted away fast, and he leaned back up in his seat and started laughing nervously with the faintest pink color tinged on his cheeks. "Stop talking and concentrate on the board, before I get ticked off..."

The both of us had glanced at each other briefly afterward. And the teacher huffed a little, but she went back to the lesson anyway. Even after several minutes had passed, I couldn't lose the red color and heat in my cheeks. It was just so fucking irritating how the bastard just thought he could watch me like I was the most fascinating thing in the universe and then violating my personal space like it was perfectly acceptable!

Not to mention that I would catch him dreamily smile at me with those emerald green orbs practically sparkling, occasionally brush his hands across my skin on purpose, and I think he once tried to reach for the curl on my head when I had leaned to the floor to grab my fallen quiz paper (of course, I had instinctively reacted and quickly grabbed the paper and shifted away from his grasp. Later, I may explain why I can't let this one damn curl be touched in any way)

I just don't understand why he was like this during class. Could he have been...trying to flirt with me? Goddamn it, that's just not right at all. I've never had another guy try and flirt with me, mostly because I keep a distance from others, but still. Just the thought of this is embarrassing alone, though yeah I have no true proof that he was trying to do this.

He does seem like one one of those fucking clueless idiots that just can't read the atmosphere after all. Hey, it's not like I'm trying to believe he wasn't attempting to indirectly hit on me. It's just that I don't have any intentions to fall for anyone at all. I see no need for romantic feelings anyway. I like to think of myself as tough and can live without those kind of feelings. Besides, me and Feliciano are actually pretty religious, they that may be a shock. At least, I know I can be.

Having to deal with this guy's stubborn advances, it would be very awkward and unacceptable. Which is why from now on, if I ever encounter Antonio again, I'll either give him the cold shoulder or just come out with it and get him off my back forever. Hmm...actually, I think the cold shoulder idea sounds appealing. But you haven't met this guy; he's got a strong will when he needs to have one.

Now let me tell you about what happened after that boring and slow history lesson was over. Everyone was getting up quickly to leave. And me and Antonio happened to get up at the same time and accidentally bump into each other. The collision made the books we were carrying fall to the floor loudly. We pretty much the only ones left in the room except for the teacher and Arthur and Francis arguing like an old married couple in the corner. So it didn't really disrupt anything.

The both of us had gotten down lower to the floor and gathered our things, I was very quick to so because one of the books I had dropped was you. And the last thing I wanted was for this bastard to discover you and read some of the entries. I wanted him to know that I don't give a fuck about him or anyone in general and was tough. Knowing him, I wouldn't doubt it if he assumed that I was all soft and caring on the inside if he read it.

No words were exchanged while we were gathering up our books. But unfortunately, we had made eye contact after a few seconds passed. It was strange. When staring right into his eyes, I felt crazy feeling that I never once felt before in my chest. What do they call it? "Butterflies" I think? Which reminds me, that saying is pretty gay. They need to change it to something else. Anyway, I didn't know why I felt this way. All we did was lock eyes, not have freaking sex or anything! He must have noticed my eyes widen a little ways and my face flush a deep red.

He was about to test my patience by daring to comment about that. I could just sense that. Honestly, I didn't need to hear this. I slipped my books back into my backpack and quickly walked out: all while my face was burning and I had my arms crossed over my chest. So nobody would take notice to my confusion and nervous-ness, I had forced my typical scowl on my face.

Shortly, once I was walking through the halls of the second floor and walking down the steps to get to the first, I could hear that bastard call out my name...which strangely didn't sound half bad with his accent, but I had discarded this annoying thought when I noticed him quickly make his way over to me from the way I had just came from. Next thing I knew: I was making my way through the halls to get to my locker. With Antonio happily blabbing and walking alongside me.

Finally, after reaching my locker, it took all my strength not to open it up fast and then hit him in the face with it. Maybe it would have triggered a little bit of trauma, or at least wipe that smile off his face for a change. Seriously, what kind of person smiles so much? Besides my brother. As I started up some of my books inside, Antonio finally stopped talking that sounded so much like gibberish to me as I was no longer paying attention to him. He slid out from behind the locker door with a childishly curious look as he stared at me.

And at long last, he said, "So Lovino, you said that you're from the Southern part of Italy...but how did you end up here in America?"

"I...I don't know." I had quietly admitted, sighing as soon as I finished. My eyes were probably somewhat hazy by now, it was a good thing that they were hidden from his view. "Hmmph, me and Fratello have been all alone for years now. Trying to support each other, though we don't always get along. Strange thing is, he was born in the Northern part of Italy."

"You mean Feliciano? He's your brother?" Antonio asked, blinking repeatedly afterward. How he knew about Feliciano, I wasn't sure. But I now don't even care to find out. "Ah...you know, I saw him in class earlier. He's kind of cute..." At that last part, I had grabbed my locker door and my fingers clawed into it. I had made a sound of disgust and then slammed it closed, which made passing students jump inches off the ground after hearing it.

Why was I pissed off about what he had said? I'm not sure...it just doesn't make any sense...but I am sure that it may have something to do with how I constantly struggle with whether or not I actually care about Feli or not. Still, I don't know if I really do or not. Sometimes I feel bitter towards him, and then there's those rare occasions in which I somewhat feel like I care about him. Which is it? Will I ever figure it out?

This is what happened after the little scene I had created out of my sudden change in mood:

"What's wrong?" Antonio had asked, his tone full of confusion. Pfft, I have to admit that I was just as confused as he was about this. No, I didn't admit it though.

I had just turned away and avoided his gaze that was locked on me. "It's nothing, just forget it."

"What? Are you jealous or something?" My expression quickly contorted into a typical scowl as soon as the words left his lips. And he must have noticed me tense up, I could just sense that he was smirking knowingly at this point. What nerve! See, this is when I started realizing what a jackass he was. And it hasn't even been a full day since this whole thing. "There's absolutely no reason to be jealous! Besides, your brother is cute...but, you're even cuter~!" That was when my cheeks flushed a deep crimson up to the tips of my ears. But still, scowling is something that's extremely easy for me to keep up. And it didn't waver at all.

"Dammit," I turned finally and crossed my arms. If looks could kill, this guy would have been shot dead at least a hundred times. I'm fucking serious about that. "You can't just say that out in public!"

"Would you rather me come right out and say that _me gustas_?" He had countered, his smile now mischievous and a faint tinge of pink adorning his cheeks.

At first I didn't know what the hell that phrase meant at first. But then shortly, I had suddenly remembered hearing a translation of that one time. What was it again? Something along the lines of: "_You turn me on_". Which is just...just...disturbing! Once I realized this, I could feel the heat scorch my cheeks and I was probably red enough that I looked like I was about to combust. But still, I tried not to show my embarrassment. Besides, this guy probably didn't even mean it. And he barely even knew me at all. The only thing I knew about him was the little description that Brigida had given me and that he was from Spain. All he knows about me is that I'm, quote "cuter than my brother", unquote. And that I'm from Italy. We're practically strangers. And I just don't understand this at all. What goes on through this guy's head, anyway? Well, I just know that I wanted so badly to punch that smile off his face.

And then Brigida called out his name and quickly made her way down the stairs down the halls and over to where we were. My anger and mortification were temporarily forgotten once my eyes had settled on her face. I immediately backed away from Antonio a little and leaned against my nearby locker for support. My knees were feeling weak once again and I couldn't keep my pounding heartbeat under control, which I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. Couldn't have been a heart attack or anything, I just know that I still feel crazy when around this girl. Tch, it's so goddamn irritating.

Once Antonio and Brigida made eye contact they were prompt to start happily rambling and greeting each other in their native languages. Which just made me roll my eyes and stay out of it.

During the following seven minutes I had found out a lot of information. Apparently, Antonio was the same guy that Brigida was referring to earlier in that empty room. And they had been friends for a while. They also revealed to me that Brigida had lived in Spain for a few years with her brother and their parents. But they had to leave for personal reasons after a while. During her living there, she had learned Spanish and would visit Antonio and sometimes stay over at his house because of her brother constantly giving her hell. Her name was not even "Brigida"! Antonio had only called her that because he thought it suited her better than her original, and she personally preferred the name as well and it stuck all this time. Now, after hearing all of this, it makes sense. Still, I just don't understand how the hell these two could have even kept up such a long-distance friendship. And the acted so...friendly towards each other that I almost thought that they were interested in each other.

Okay, maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions with this one. But Feliciano and the potato bastard are so-called "friends", and it's painfully clear that they have a spark of something between them. So why wouldn't this be the same situation for Antonio and Brigida? Usually I don't care about these kinds of topics. Uusually I don't care about other people's situations. Despite that true fact, I can't stop myself from wondering how they truly feel about the other. And when I do think about that, my chest tightens and my blood begins to boil. Could be jealously. I have no reason to be jealous, dammit, why am I even feeling this way? Is it towards Brigida or that clueless bastard of a friend she has?

I was glad that soon, the bell rang. The three of us all made our way to the next class after this, which was science I think. I wasn't very certain because my thoughts were racing and my brain was trying to process all of the information I had received in such a short period of time, and this strange flood of emotions that I never knew I even had before.

But the entry doesn't end here. Let's skip to a little bit later after science was over: I was walking the halls and it was probably late in the morning at the time. I didn't know and didn't care at the moment. Since I had a little bit of time before lunch and the following class, I decided I may as well spend some time at the library by myself. It would give me a chance to relax and reflect on things. And maybe I would scribble some stuff like schedules or rants about certain bastards in my life. Remember in the previous half of this entry when I said I was pissed and exhausted? This is what kicked all of that off.

Fortunately for me, the school library was pretty much empty as always at this time. The only notable people there was those two guys always around each other and acting like they owned the place. I never bothered to learn their names; I just know that the one with spiked hair and acting obnoxious to students and teachers he disliked was from Denmark and the other whom was cold and always looking moody was from Norway. They were shuffled away at a corner table and discussing the plot of a book they were randomly flipping through. It was quiet other than that. So I reached into my backpack to pull out you, Antonio, when my eyes widened as I pulled out all of the books except the one I was looking for. I would have probably shrieked girlishly; if I didn't act fast and bite my tongue.

You were gone. And let me just say that I didn't freak out...I was just stressing! I didn't want anyone to find the damn diary and read it, gossip would spread around the school until everyone knew that Lovino Vargas actually does have feelings and bothers to write in a diary! But I stayed calm and tried to resist doing anything rash.

I thought back to the people I've forced to be in contact and proximity with today. The main ones were Brigida, Feliciano, the potato bastard, and Arthur (after having accidentally bumped into him when I first entered the school this morning), and Antonio. Then I tried to recall moments in which any of the suspects could have gotten their paws on you. And the one that stood out most of all was when Antonio and I were gathering up our dropped...books...and it all clicked after that. He might have picked it up, believing it to be one of his damn books because there's no name on it!

"He's probably reading it now...THAT SON OF A BITCH!" I had thundered impulsively after angrily rising up from my seat. My notice that I had shouted this was delayed until I glanced over at the guy from Denmark and the guy from Norway. I glared at them afterward, as they were looking at me strangely. But I didn't say anything back to them, I just collected my things and slipped back on my backpack before quickly leaving the library.

I had looked all over the school for the Spaniard, everywhere. Take that as an exaggeration or not, it's your choice. I was in a state of anger and stress at the mere thought of him bothering to read the diary, some of the stuff I had written in those eight entries were just so stupid and embarrassing. Not to mention the crappy excuses of drawings I have on a few random pages before actually starting the first entry. If he were to see all of that...I would really be giving him the cold shoulder even worse than I had been doing in vain today, regardless of the fact Brigida wants me to welcome her little friend at the school!

After checking nearly every classroom, the bathrooms, the cafeteria, the library again, those corners of the school hallway, the nurse's office and even the gym, I never found any trace of Antonio or the diary! And by the time I finished checking the last rooms that came to mind (which was the janitor's closet and that empty room Brigida usually hung out in), I was exhausted and tired. With sweat dripping from my brow and my legs and feet aching from all the running I had been doing, I wanted nothing more than go to bed and take a nice and long _siesta_. However, I couldn't when I was having to track down the bastard! Having him read it would be the last thing I would want, we barely even know each other anyway! Look, I barely feel like talking about this. So let's just skip ahead to when I had checked my cellphone and noticed it was about twelve in the afternoon, meaning that everyone else was probably at lunch. My growling stomach was trying to lure me to the cafeteria to get some food, but I walked outside the school into the shallow rain falling. This was how it all played out:

I had glared at the gray sky and pulled my hood over my head after stepping out into it. I didn't want to catch yet another cold after all, thinking back to that week of pure fucking hell I was put through with it. After this, I scanned the school grounds with sharp eyes, looking for any trace of brown hair, sparkling green eyes, an overly-friendly face, or all of the above. I'm guessing that maybe a few seconds had gone by before I looked to the upper-left a small distance from the school underneath one of the old trees that had been there for years. Antonio stood against it, looking so goddamn amused as he read...you...

My eyes widened and I would have been perfectly okay with the world caving in right then and there. Dying would have been an ideal fate at the time, but I was able to cleverly hide my humiliation with a pissed scowl as I stormed over towards him; nearly seeing red.

"Hey! Give me that back, you nosy jackass!" I had spat loudly and angrily, hopefully my voice didn't waver. And hopefully I looked intimidating enough with my teeth and fists clenched roughly, and my scowl deepening more. When he just looked up at me in surprise and then smirked before taking his eyes back to the page he was reading, that's when I was officially seeing red and air rushed through my nostrils. "Dammit, I said to give it back! You've got no fucking right to-"

He just...he just chuckled lightheartedly and closed you back. "Calm down, Lovi! I didn't read much, honest." Well, I wasn't convinced. I had glared at him, now mostly due to him addressing me as "Lovi". Yet, I came closer and snatched you from his dirty hands. Like something out of a cheesy, lame-ass romantic movie our hands had brushed softly and intimately at that time. But I swear to you, I felt absolutely NOTHING from it!

"Do you really think I believe you?" I had questioned him angrily, stuffing the diary back into my backpack and doing my best to remain looking as pissed off as I felt. Strangely, when I met his gaze, my anger had melted away and I felt my heart flutter, bleh, it was extremely brief anyway!

Antonio sighed and glanced up at the shallow rain pelting the tree leaves, his eyes were just as green as they were. The whole scene was pleasing-AND WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING? I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm just glad that I had gotten you back. But I wasn't entirely saved from humiliation. And part of me is still burning with rage to think that a total jackass like him had read it.

"I wouldn't lie to you." Hmm...there was something about those words. When he said that, he looked at me right in the eyes passionately and looking serious for a change. I had almost considered backing away before the sky started crumbling and the trumpets started sounding, wondering if this was some kind of "end of the world" sign. Well anyway, I had nodded at the words, maybe just a little convinced now. But he was back to his usual self afterward, smiling mischievously as he leaned forward and pat my shoulder.

"Soooo, the usual cold and tough Lovino Vargas I've heard about this morning thinks that Brigida is a '_Bella Signora_'~?" He had playfully teased, my face felt like it was on fucking fire afterward, I glanced downward, thinking that maybe the hood would hide my face. But no, fate wanted to be a bitch at the time. "Aw, you're _blushing_! Are you embarrassed...?"

That was when I snapped and reached forward, grabbing a handful of his shirt. "Try saying that again, Bastard! I'll slice your fucking head off!" Apparently, my threats fell on deaf ears. Maybe I should have added more senseless blood and gore into the mix. But whatever, he just smiled more and reached for my hand, pulling it away from his shirt and placing it back down at my side.

"You're redder than a tomato~! That's so cute!" He announced, sighing dreamily afterward and putting a hand behind his head. "Listen, I won't tell anyone that you keep a diary. Trust me, I usually can keep my mouth shut when I become determined to do so. And...I hope that we can get along after this."

"Not even in your dreams, bastard!" I seethed, trying to ignore the fact that he had just told me that he wouldn't tell anyone about the diary or the things he had seen written inside. Truth be told, I was stunned that he would be so...understanding and on my side. There was this strange feeling in my heart afterward, but I played it all off with anger. "Look, I swear that no one will ever find your damn corpse if you speak of this again!"

"Since you feel so strongly, I won't ever say a word about it. And I'll try to forget everything." Antonio swore, I had raised an eyebrow and stared questioningly at him when he continued to smile. Yet, there was this serious glint in his eyes. Maybe he was serious after all, well I sighed anyway and murmured a, "okay, okay, whatever." afterward.

Before I could turn to walk back to the school building, my growling stomach made me freeze right in the middle of doing so. I just kind of stood there rubbing my forehead and cursing under my breath, knowing that there probably wasn't going to be much food left in the cafeteria at this time. I once again missed out when they were going to be serving us something good instead of the usual shit.

Next thing I knew, Antonio was walking up to my side and laughing knowingly as he slung an arm around my shoulder. But I just looked up at him with one of my usual scowls, my face reddening somewhat though. "What are you doing NOW?" I had asked him, I'm sure that I sounded nice and offended. If not, crap.

"Usually, things come with a price, Lovi~" He had said in this tone that sounded way too fucking sweet and loving to be real. I just crossed my arms and turned away from him, I would have normally grabbed his arm and snapped it in half for just spontaneously slinging it around my shoulder fondly, but the thought didn't cross my mind at the time. "I agreed to not ever bring up the whole diary thing again, but now you have to agree to let me hang out with you whenever I want to."

FYI, I almost said no to that. Because I didn't want to hang out with him at all, I didn't want to have to put up with him in my life, and I didn't want to let myself get carried away and be joyful for a change. I just wanted to be alone without any so-called friends in my life, I don't need anybody at all. The only reason I have my stupid _Fratello_ in my life is because the both of us had just grown up together and were left to take care of ourselves, plus, he would just come right back to the apartment even if I were to kick his ass out of the place. But...if I didn't agree to this impulsive offer, then Antonio would most likely open his big mouth and tell everyone about this. And that would risk and damage my reputation around this school. So in the end, I reluctantly agreed to this and he beamed happily with the response he received.

Which begs the question: why the hell does this guy have such a sudden interest in me? It just doesn't make any sense, it creeps the shit out of me to think about it. So I'm going to try and stop...right now...any moment now...ugh...oh, screw it...

The both of us walked back to the school after this whole episode, but this is how that played out:

There was a bit of an uncomfortable silence for me. So, while keeping my gaze straight ahead and not looking at him, I awkwardly started a little bit of conversation with this comment, "Do you even speak Italian at all? I'm guessing that you don't even know what '_Bella signora_' means..."

"Actually, uh, I don't know much Italian." He confessed with nervous laughter, scratching the back of his head. I had rolled my eyes at this, but I silently released a long sigh. Hopefully he didn't figure out that I had said she was beautiful, there was no doubt he would tease me about that forever. "However, I naturally know Spanish and studied English during the preparations for coming here. Different cultures interest me though, I'd like to learn about yours, Lovi."

"Stop calling me that!" I had snapped at him, my eyes flaring with anger. But he just brushed it off. I managed to compose myself, and I released a long sigh. "I don't give a damn about learning about other places and cultures, to be blunt. And besides, Spanish is too freaking hard to learn."

"Ah, but Italian and Spanish are similar!" He chimed in confidently, I just rolled my eyes again, doubting him.

"Well thanks for the lesson," I brushed him off sarcastically, now arriving at the school doors and removing my hood as I opened them up and we stepped inside. "But now, I'm going to try and get something to eat before I die of hunger."

Unfortunately for me, Antonio followed to the cafeteria anyway as if I was like his tour guide or something. And he even tried to sit with me while I was eating. Goddamn it, it was annoying. But I was shocked when he hadn't once brought up the diary subject when he was attempting to make conversation. He must have been serious about it, I guess.

Although he did have the nerve to smirk and occasionally tease me about liking the name Antonio. Which made me want to punch him in the face several times over. Something always would stop me though. Tch, well that's about all that happened today. Hopefully tomorrow won't be so eventful.

With this bastard around in my life though, I now suddenly doubt that things will be normal in my life anymore...

_. . . . ._

To Be Continued

_. . . . ._

_AN: I'm sorry about the late update, but I had been...um...busy with so many other things like writing new chapters, stories, hanging out with friends, playing video games, and catching up on the newest manga chapters in my freetime. But do not worry, I haven't forgotten about this story or any of my others. :)_

_And again, sorry if there was any horribly wrong Spanish in here. I'm like Lovino, I never bothered to learn much of it. It's a little embarrassing, but yeah. -.-'_

_Please read and review, they're what keep me alive! Well...next to lots and lots of coffee... ^^;_


	9. Entry 10

_A/N: Before I start this chapter, I would like to give a shout-out to StormofyourDestiny, for suggesting a pretty amusing idea of something to happen in the story; students getting the impression that Lovi and Antonio are, you know, INTERESTED in each other if you catch my drift. And then the two of them having to put up with it. *Claps enthusiastically* Thank you so much, my friend! :D And because of your suggestion, it motivated me to drag my butt to the computer and start typing! I carefully thought about this idea, played around with it here and there, hopefully you all will enjoy it. (*Crosses my fingers*)_

_Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Hetalia Axis Powers or it's characters. I would not be sitting here and writing fanfiction if I did, duh. =_=_

_. . . . ._

January 9th, entry 10

Current Location: School Grounds, 3:12 PM

_. . . . ._

Antonio,

You know, I probably should be getting to my last class of the day. But I don't really give a fuck about it anyway. Something with literature, I don't know. The point is that I usually tend to skip it purposely, either by lying about having to go the bathroom or to the nurse, or I just don't enter the room in general. Maybe it'll backfire on me one day, but at least I get some time to myself to think. Right now, I'm sitting underneath a tree and writing in you. The weather is actually tolerable, compared to the down and depressing rainstorm yesterday.

Hmmph, you're probably thinking that I sound pretty calm. If so, you're wrong. Because today has been an extremely tense day for me, and it was once again all because of that fucking annoying Spaniard that recently came over here for a little while. It was all his fault, not mine! My brother thinks that I'm just getting a little too sensitive about these things and resorting to "unnecessary violence and rage" to get myself out of the predicament. But dammit, that isn't true! And he wouldn't know how freaking embarrassing it was for me, let alone how it felt to have roughly everyone in your school misunderstanding and spreading crazy rumors!

Class won't be wrapping up for at least another ten or thirteen minutes, I guess. So I have enough time to go into detail from the very beginning of this crappy afternoon I've experienced. Everything seemed to be fine when I has first woken up. I was having this wonderful dream that involved me and Brigida out together at this restaurant eating some delicious spaghetti, like something out of one of those cheesy romance movies that I dislike so much, we had ended up eating the same noodle and were unknowingly coming closer and closer...

And then my fucking annoying cockblock of an alarm clock went off. Which, by the way, is now smashed and still lying in the floor of my bedroom. (Note to self: pick up an alarm clock that isn't so freaking loud.) But other than that, the morning was fine.

Me and Feliciano ate breakfast in mostly silence. Which was surprising for me, and I was actually enjoying it and could actually eat my food peacefully. But then, another unexpected twist occurred, while I was taking a sip of orange juice: Feli had asked me why I was flirting with Antonio yesterday in history class. Which made me spit out the juice, all over the table and the floor. And once recovering, I had (very, very, very loudly) insisted that I didn't give a damn about the bastard. And that he was the one who started it all by dreamily looking at me like a retard and then purposely telling me that I was cute and that he wanted to touch me (where he wanted to touch, I don't even want to know, okay?). But the idiot just smiled absently and obliviously as he nibbled on a piece of meat. And he said nothing else.

But having been around him for just about all of my life so far, I knew that smile. It was that kind of smile that people usually wear when they are not convinced when you try and explain the truth to them, they're just highly amused because they think there's a deeper meaning that you're trying to hide.

I don't know why, but I've been thinking Antonio several times since. W-wait, don't get any ideas! It was not like that at all! I just was thinking about why he seemed so interested in me, that's all there was to it! I just don't...I just don't understand the whole concept here. We're both so different and yet, he acts as if it's fucking destiny for us to be on friendly terms with each other. Well, I can't be friends with him. I can't stand him, dammit!

Okay, okay, moving on. I walked alone to school as usual, and the minute I had stepped into the building and started the walk to my locker, everyone that had been wandering the halls started staring at me. It was very creepy, and I tried extremely hard to ignore it, but once I made it to my locker, I could see two girls out of the corner of my eye, leaning against the opposite wall and giggling as they watched me.

I wondered what the hell was wrong with them and why they were giggling. After all, I probably wasn't that amusing or entertaining to look at. So I had sucked it up and walked over to them, trying to be as casual as possible and not lash out at them. Their giggling only increased I asked them what was their fucking problem. Although, the exact words were far more polite and came out more nervously than what I wanted them to be. Bashing my head against a locker was tempting at that moment, not going to lie. This is what happened:

One of the girls, whom was kind of short and had long and curly dark red hair explained it all. She said, and I quote, "We were just thinking about something..." And then she burst into another fit of giggles as a pink tinge began to spread across her face.

The other girl, who I assume was her friend, had short blonde hair that was in pigtails. She gave her friend a grin and then looked back at me, with this impish look. "Are the rumors true?"

"What rumors?" I questioned them, trying not to sound as pissed off as I felt. I didn't want to make the girls think that I was mad at them, when it was really at whatever jackass who started said rumor they're thinking about.

"You haven't heard?"

"Heard WHAT?"

Finally, the blonde girl sighed dramatically and then crossed her arms. "Weeeell, there's rumors flying around here that you and that new guy, Antonio, like each other. We don't know who started them, but it should be true. We saw you guys flirting in history class yesterday."

And that was when I felt like my entire life was now jacked up. Everything was no longer in balance and time had just ended altogether. I had tensed up right then and there, my expression flashing quickly from rage to horror and my face was practically on fire. The two random girls didn't seem to notice though, because they were too busy snickering about the rumors that had overheard.

Now feeling absolute rage and humiliation overcome me, I decided that the best way to handle this would be to tell the truth, so that I wouldn't have to suffer the effects of the rumors. I tried nearly desperately to tell these two that I couldn't stand the bastard and that he was the one that was flirting with me, I only tried to give him the cold shoulder. After they argued that we were around each other for the rest of the day, I hotly retorted that it was only because I unwillingly agreed to let him hang around me and chat whenever he wanted to. But I don't think that they were convinced. And as much as I wanted to be mad at them, I couldn't.

Damn. Why is it that I'm always like this around the opposite sex?

I just stormed off after that, my fists clenched together so roughly that they were beginning to turn pale and veins were popping out, and an ever-present scowl on my face as I put up with the passing students occasionally snickering and/or staring at me like as if I had grown a second head or something. I had some time before my first class of the day, so I was going to turn this building upside down until I found that bastard.

After checking about five places, I was getting exhausted. Unfortunately, it's because I don't have much stamina and I am not very athletic at all. I decided to take a short rest before dragging myself to the first class that probably had already started. I knew that Antonio didn't have this class, so there was a chance he would have to pass the stairs that I was sitting on and trying to catch my breath.

Shortly, I found myself looking at a fair of brown shoes. My gaze slowly lifted up and I noticed that this person standing in front of me was not the bastard I was searching for, but my stupid _Fratello _again. He greeted me nonchalantly, but I could see by the look on his face that he was concerned by my horrible condition at the moment. Even though I told him to leave and go to class, he refused to, and he just sat down on the third step on the left side of me, resting his arm on the metal handles. This is basically what happened:

Feliciano looked at me, I knew because I could feel his curious gaze. And he said, "You weren't in class like usual. Ve~ I excused myself, saying that I had to use the bathroom so that I could come look for you." He then put a hand on my shoulder, a glare was given to him in return. "So, tell me what's wrong."

"Why do you want to know what's wrong?" I asked him, venom dripping from each word. It wasn't that I was pissed off at Feli this time, it was mainly towards everyone that had dared to snicker and stare at me like I was a total idiot and then the jackass that even started this rumor about me...being romantically interested in Antonio of all people! Granted it's better that someone like Francis, but still!

"Ve~ Because," He gave me this warm smile and leaned a little closer to me. "I'm worried about you, Lovino. You've been acting really, really confusing lately."

I still wonder if he had felt my tense shoulder suddenly relax under his palm. What he had said in his reply, about being worried about me, every single time he says something like that about me and looking very serious about it, that always gets me. I always find myself caught off guard and then this disgusting feeling wells up inside me and I feel bad about snapping and taking out my anger on him. Hey, don't any ideas, it's a BRIEF feeling, seriously!

It's not very often that he says something nice to me that he genuinely means. As if I don't have any good characteristics or qualities that are likeable! Which makes me so damn pissed off to think about that, but that is beside the point... let's just move on to when I finally cracked and told him about what was wrong. Hey, may as well. Feliciano is always trying to solve problems the best way he can, his solutions are just pretty weak and fail.

I angrily vented about all these rumors overcoming the school about me and Antonio, about how it seemed like just because we were sitting next to each other, he kept trying to hit on me, and I was forced to go around with him following me like a lost puppy, we liked each other in...ugh, you know...in a romantic sort of way. It was so goddamn embarrassing confessing that it was bothering me so much, and afterward, I just buried my head in my hands and leaned over onto the steel handles of the stairs. I did not see the look on his face, but I bet he was either smiling as if everything was all good, or wearing a knowing expression. But it doesn't matter which of the two it was; it just made me feel more self-conscious anyway.

Because if there is one thing in this world that I don't need: it's people forever believing from some stupid rumors that I liked that bastard! Granted he did help me out somewhat by returning the diary, but not before he had the guts to read it! I knew I should have written it entirely in Italian, I just knew it... anyway, there's just something about him that pisses me off! I may have not known him very long, but I have a general idea now: he's way too cheerful, smiles for no reason at all, can be really mischievous when least expected, not to mention he's so oblivious about things, and then there's...and then there's...his, ah, eyes! I wish you could see them for yourself. They're as green as emeralds and so sparkly and become even more brighter when he's happy about something...when he's childishly interested in something, they widen and I instantly get this fucking weird feeling in my chest-Ugh, what the hell am I saying? Forget, just forget it all! His eyes are not wonderful at all, and it's one thing that I can't stand the most about him!

Sigh, well anyway let's move on to Feli's somewhat-delayed reaction: he just relaxed and released a small sigh, before commenting, "Ve...sounds like you're feeling self-conscious about what other people may think. But I just don't...I just don't understand why you're like this so suddenly."

I didn't respond to his comment, for your information. It remained silent and passing through my thoughts. I noted that for once, he was right. But it wasn't a sudden kind of thing, because I always do silently feel that way. Maybe I have some kind of problem, always worried about what others may think. Is that a big deal? Every damn day I ask that question...but I haven't uncovered the true answer. I've always been this way, to be honest. And sometimes I feel like I always will be and no one else could understand this quirk.

Fortunately for me, our conversation was ended abruptly. Unfortunately, it was by the potato bastard that Feliciano's constantly clinging to. He walked up to us, immediately asking my brother my he wasn't in class and that he had gotten concerned about where he had wandered off to. Hmmph, I noticed the tinge of pink beginning to appear on his cheeks and the softer look in those icy blue eyes. He wasn't fooling me; there obviously must have been some other reason for him being, pfft, "concerned" about where he had wandered off to. If you catch my drift.

Immediately, Feli remembered that he had to get back to class. He jumped up off the stair and I sat up and watched him quickly walk off, dragging along the German by the wrist. He had called out a quick goodbye to me, so I guess I couldn't stay too pissed off at my brother knowing that this time he actually remembered my existence. And then, I got up and dragged myself along the halls too. Even though I was tired and ready for some kind of rest, finding Antonio was my main goal. I had to settle everything, make sure that he didn't have anything to do with these rumors or at least find out if he even heard about them. Along the way, some girls walking to class had giggled and started whispering at sight of me and I picked up bits and pieces of: "Oh my God, he's actually walking alone", "Where's his boyfriend?", and the worst yet: "I never thought that Lovino would ever find someone he liked, let alone a GUY. Must be losing his religion or something, huh?" if I weren't so polite and nervous around the opposite sex, I would have so cussed them out! And the guys...the guys were just as bad as the girls were with the whispering and snickering that I could easily hear, but my blood boils just to think about what they dared to say. So I won't even bother to list.

Finally, I found myself once again in front of the library. I decided to go with my instincts and check there. It was pretty much empty except for Antonio sitting at a table in the corner writing some stuff down on paper. When I caught sight of him, I could feel a scowl once again contort onto my face and I was quick to storm up to his table and slam a hand loudly and unnecessarily on the table over his paper that looked like math homework he was finishing. But whatever, he noticed me right away and smiled fondly at me and greeted me as if we were best friends or something.

Being far too pissed off to exchange words, I leaned back up and then grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pulled up him to his feet. He was surprised at this, I could tell by the way his eyes were widening as I dragged him out of the room and out into the hallway before I fucking exploded from rage.

When we were out of the library, I walked a little bit farther over to the second set of lockers and cornered him against them, looking up and burning holes into his eyes as he was just a little bit taller than me. We were so close together, it was a complete crime against personal space, but I was far too blinded by my rage to care at all. And like I expected, he seemed to be delighted by the closeness and this glint appeared in those emerald green orbs, I didn't like it.

"Lovi, what's this all about?" Antonio had asked me, obviously faking being innocent. It was just pathetic how he seemed to know exactly about what was going on. My scowl deepened and the the grip I had on his jacket was only tightening as the seconds passed. Hmm, now that I recall it, I guess the jacket didn't look all that bad on the bastard; it was as green as those eyes...but...anyway!

"How do you not know what's going on?" I yelled, my face flushing a bright color in anger as I stood up to the tips of my toes and glared into his eyes. "Pretty much EVERYONE in this school fucking thinks that we're romantically interested in each other and just about want to get into the others' pants! You bastard, how can you still be smiling at a time like this? These rumors are fucking up my reputation and embarrassing the hell out of me! The LEAST you could do is help me undercover the asshole that dared to start this insanity!"

By the time I was finished with the rant, my face was flushed a deep red and burning as if it had caught on fire, and my scowl never once left as I grudgingly released my hold on the bastard's jacket and he pushed me back calmly.

"The 'asshole' you are looking for is right here~" Antonio sang mockingly as his eyes fluttered closed and he smiled while gesturing to himself. You could pretty much see a theoretical pink background behind him with sparkly bubbles. And my eyes had widened a lot in this wave of realization and I only felt more humiliation overcome me as he laughed.

"Y-you..." I clenched my hands so tightly into fists that they were turning pale and the veins were popping out. I quickly started flailing my arms wildly after that, this extremely pissed off expression flashing across my features as he looked on happily and obliviously. "YOU BASTARD! DO YOU REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO BUILD A REPUTATION UP FROM DIRT? MY LIFE IS NOW THROWN INTO HELL BECAUSE OF YOUR DAMNED BIG MOUTH AND NOW I HAVE TO SUFFER HAVING EVERYONE STARE AND SNICKER AT ME EVERY FUCKING TIME I WALK INTO A ROOM! AND NOW, I SURE AS WELL WILL NOT LET YOU FOLLOW ME AROUND AND PUT UP WITH YOU...!" And there was so much more hollering and ranting than just that. But this is just an example.

What do you know? The bastard didn't even look the least bit surprised or offended by my mouth and all the ranting I was doing! He just...he just stood there and took it all without even making any attempt at shutting me up! Of course, that naturally made me even more pissed off and I wouldn't doubt it if everyone in the entire building could hear me.

Then the most unexpected thing happened. After about one minute, Antonio rushed forward and roughly grabbed me by my shoulders, cornering me up! I was extremely caught off and guard, my mind was telling me to struggle and at at least give him a rough kick to the balls to make him release me, but my damn body wouldn't react with it and I was frozen. He led up back up against the lockers on the opposite time and I roughly was pressed against it, his amused smile never faltering as he reached a hand out and pressed it against the locker to prevent me from escaping.

We stood there for several uncomfortable, mortifying seconds just locking eyes. This was one of the most humiliating moments in my life because he had caught me so off guard and obviously knew it very well by the look he was giving me. My eyes were widening and my face was hot and flushed, a wave of several emotions overcoming me all at once and I just didn't understand what the fuck was happening to me! But it wasn't the most comfortable moment in my life, let me tell you that!

I wanted to gather up at least a little bit of my dignity back. I thought that maybe I could try and mask my embarrassment with a typical scowl and if I struggled angrily underneath the hold me had on me. But it was hard; we were so close and our bodies practically pressed together, one of his hands beside my head and pressed against the locker; preventing me from getting away. I could feel my face turning an impossible shade of red now and my damn heartbeat was all that I could hear. As much as I wanted to be angry, that didn't happen at all. Hmmph, I was just stunned.

"The class is going to be let out soon, kiss me now." My eyes widened once again at hearing that. I didn't know, why he wanted me to kiss him at the time. But I sure as hell didn't want to and just glared daggers into those...big, sparkly green eyes. As tempting as this offer MIGHT have been some other point in time (what the fuck did I just say?), I didn't wish to lock lips with a bastard like him!

When he noticed that I wasn't going to listen to him and press my lips against his own, he sighed in utter disappointment and looked distressed. Before I got a chance to ask him why the hell he was like this, the bell rung; signaling that the first class must have been over. And I had just noticed at the time that the door to the classroom was right across from us beside the sets of lockers. As if on a cue, the halls started piling with students either leaving or going to their next classes. And before I even knew what hit me, the bastard was quick to rush forward in front of everyone, under several curious gazes, press his lips to my own roughly.

Yes, you heard that right. Since I wouldn't comply, the bastard actually KISSED me himself! I had frozen up right then and there, my brain freaking short-circuiting and the world feeling like it had just stopped spinning altogether. I...I wanted to be pissed off at him for doing this, I wanted to believe that I was disgusted and ready to puke my guts out afterward, I wanted to have not enjoyed that at all. For one thing: I've always thought that it would feel insanely awkward to kiss someone of the same sex, wouldn't it? I've never really thought all that highly of such gestures between them. It just seems like...that would really cross the line and be all strange and not give you the same jolt that it would at kissing the opposite sex. Okay, yeah, I wouldn't know. I hadn't ever been kissed before...until now.

Fuck, that gave me such a jolt through my body and I could feel my lips tingle violently, almost as if I had just gotten freaking electrocuted. I don't want to admit that I actually enjoyed it, that's just plain degrading for me. But I just had to write this down before I exploded from the stress and confusion. Even now, I can faintly feel the shock throughout my body as I even think about that. But, back to the story. I will not describe how I feel about it right now any more...

The point is: I had actually enjoyed it and I don't even know how the hell that was possible. He was rough and dominating, yet it was full of lust and I'm sure I had feel him still smiling into the kiss. I had stood there all tensed up with my eyes widened to probably the size of dinner plates, my face flaming, and my knees had suddenly felt like they were near giving out. His lips had the faintest taste of tomatoes as well. As much as I hate to admit it, I've always had this strange thing about really liking tomatoes. The taste was enough for my eyes to flutter closed and my whole body went limp in a matter of seconds.

But...but don't get any ideas...I didn't kiss him back, if that's what you're thinking! I was way too stunned to be able to even think about doing such a thing. And FYI: I wouldn't have returned the kiss anyway!

It felt like we were kissing for hours. I knew that it was only close to a minute. And I was also sure that several students – guys and girls – were crowding around and watching in shock and amusement at this little scene. Which pisses me off to think that, it probably only added fuel to the fire and now they're all going to think that the rumors spread by this bastard were true and that we can't keep our hands off each other! Between my damn heartbeat ringing in my ears, I could make out several murmurs and wolf whistles. This only embarrassed me more, and punching whoever dared to do that in the frigging face was very tempting.

Finally, Antonio broke the kiss and we both just stared at each other, both wearing surprised expressions for totally different reasons. I was breathing fast and had to claw the lockers behind me, to the point of chipping the cream-colored paint in order to keep myself up on my feet. My face was burning now, I refuse even now to accept that it was a fucking weird combination of rage, mortification, and pleasure. And I won't accept that no matter what.

This...this wasn't what I imagined a first kiss would be like. I'm no hopeless romantic, I didn't expect it to ever feel this...this...this shocking and leaving such an impact afterward. It's hard to admit that I enjoyed...being pinned helplessly to the lockers and unwillingly passionately touching lips with someone I CAN'T FUCKING STAND. Okay, to be blunt, I didn't ever expect to ever experience a first kiss. Because I knew – and still do know – that there is no way I'll fall for anyone in this lifetime.

Several familiar faces were just crowding around watching and staring in total shock, obviously not being able to comprehend what had just been witnessed. And it was one of the most awkward moments that have ever been wrapped up inside of against my will. I honestly don't even think that Antonio knew what the fuck he had just done, because he was looking shocked with himself and the faintest shade of pink was spreading from his cheeks to his ears. Which really pissed me off – to know that he hadn't the slightest clue what he had done. Suddenly, I felt so sick and the dark red in my cheeks at least faded and I'm sure I was looking pale at the moment.

I don't think I was sick from utter disgust (though I wish it had been because of that). I just have no idea why this wave of sickness overcame me. He slowly released his hands and I stood back up and glared daggers at the bastard. He had tried to open his mouth to speak, but I pushed past him and rushed away without saying anything...like a fucking coward. I didn't even once give any of the spectators a bitter glare, I couldn't even meet their eyes. I was just...I guess I was just that embarrassed. Since I wasn't feeling well all of a sudden, I quickly made my way to the nurse and rested there for a while; eventually falling asleep from exhaustion of this fiasco and getting a chance to finally have a well-deserved _siesta_.

How long did that nap last? Don't know, don't care. But I do know that the fucking loud bell that had rung and signaled the next class of the day shattered it immediately and I noticed that I was still lying on the bed in the nurse's office. Despite being cranky from being awoken so suddenly, I got tongue-tied a little (unfortunately, the nurse is thirty and looks like she could pass off as nineteen at least), and asked the nurse what time it was. She told me and I felt like punching the crap out of something to express my anger. I hadn't been asleep very long like I had thought; at least two hours at the most. My sleep was dreamless and I have to admit I felt less sick then before.

But there was this strange feeling in my chest. I decided to just ignore it, I don't think that it means anything at all. The nurse herself didn't even know what could have been wrong with me when I explained to her how sickly and exhausted I suddenly felt after...what happened back in the halls. I refused to describe what had happened to her, and I could still feel her gaze burning holes through me even when I gathered my things and left the room.

The rest of the day was a blur for me. I avoided as many people as I possibly could – including Feliciano and even the potato bastard when they were talking in suspicious attempted hushed tones. Strange enough, Antonio didn't once materialize at my side and try and make any effort in vain to smooth things over like I had expected him to do. And during the rest of the classes, we were in together, he purposely tried to not sit very close to me (even though it obviously killed him, I could make out him fidgeting and glancing at me constantly from the corners of my hazel eyes). And the only other times I had seen him briefly was between classes when he was chatting with Brigida...not like I was eavesdropping or anything, they both were speaking in their native languages. Since I was lost and without any translation, I just left to my next destination. Whether they saw me or not, that's them. I was feeling too strange and embarrassed to speak to either anyway.

What am I going to do about all of this? Oh, I'll tell you exactly what I'm planning to do! Next time I see that Spanish bastard, I'm going to tell him just what I think about him spreading these rumors and then randomly dominating me into a kiss and making my life a living hell! Let's just say that it is not going to be a pretty scene, there will be blood to clean. At least, I hope. Hmmph, considering how pissed off I am about him doing this, maybe there will be guts and slashed off body parts.

My hand is beginning to cramp. So I guess the entry ends here. Tonight, I have to work at that cafe and face my douchebag of a manager once again and probably suffer having to bust my ass cleaning up a bunch of spills and dirty bathrooms, UGH. I FUCKING HATE HIM. ...Anyway, if anything eventful happens, or anything to rant about, I'll elaborate in the next entry...

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To Be Continued

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_Ending A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but I've come down with ANOTHER cold again. Just when I thought that maybe I would be safe from them for at least a little while longer. Let me just point out that I feel like shit right now, I can't think straight and body temperature is alternating fast from hot-cold-hot-cold-hot-cold, I keep sneezing like crazy and UGH! I HATE GETTING SICK! D: You know, I feel like Lovi back a few entries ago. Is it odd that I can relate with a fictional character...?_

_Well anyway, I hope that you liked the chapter. And don't shoot me for being late. Please. It was hard to drag myself to the computer to type even though I had enough inspiration to write it out. Soon, I hope to overcome this frigging cold, and then make sure to take care of myself way better!_

_Read and review~_


	10. Entry 11

_A/N: The reason as to why Antonio kissed Lovino so suddenly will be revealed in this chapter. You've waited long enough to find it out, LOL. n.n_

_Disclaimer: *Un-amused face* Do you really think I own Hetalia?_

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January 10th, Entry 11

Current Location: My bedroom, 7:48 AM

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Antonio,

Ah, finally, the weekend is here. It's been an exhausting week for me, having to work extra hard at the cafe, recovering from a cold, putting up with that Spanish bastard, watching Feliciano and the potato bastard sneak away during classes and speak to each other, and making myself look like a total fucking retard in front of Brigida several times. How I managed to survive in one piece, I don't know.

I just know that...I'm going to try and make sure that I can relax and laze around this weekend. Don't I deserve it? Of course. No one in this lifetime could understand how stressed out and tense I feel. I'm not even sure if I can still attend school anymore; is there any point in continuing when my reputation is just getting more and more shot and killed the more I have Antonio in my life.

Let me explain everything from the very beginning. I have the time, since the sunlight streaming into my face from where Feliciano had opened the fucking curtains brought me out of my good sleep. By the way, I must make a mental note to later cuss his ass out for trying to get me out of bed so early on a Saturday. I just wanted to sleep late and restore my energy after all, nothing else... no such luck.

Okay, so let me start this entry by mentioning that I am still so pissed off at that bastard for taking advantage of the situation and spreading that goddamn rumor about the two of us dating! It burns me up to think about it, and I've already stomped around the apartment and thrown things to try and release my anger, all I got was a complaint from the annoying landlord, whom I hope gets run over by a car or something on his morning jog, because he just annoys the shit of me. But, that's beside the point. No matter how hard I try, I just can't figure out why the bastard would spread a rumor like this.

Was he planning to ruin my life all this time? Or was he just trying to be funny and it backfired? Either way, I'll never be able to forgive the bastard for what he did! Should I even return back to school...? Because it's sort of a small place, and rumors and gossip usually last a long time and tend to follow you everywhere. I would know: I've spread false rumors around about people I despise, and it's still brought up in conversations. Now that it's all on me, I can't believe I'm actually put in the shoes of all the other victims of rumors and gossip, this fact makes me want to just shoot myself in the head!

It's not just the fact that Antonio decided to go around and spread rumors, no, he also had the nerve to trap me against the school lockers in plain sight where anyone could have fucking seen us, and he practically begged me to kiss him. As you know, I refused to. But I didn't expect him to ignore the harsh refusal and press his lips to mine the exact same minute the class nearby was let out and everyone piled out of the room to see us!

What confuses me the most is...is the kiss was actually enjoyable to a degree. I know that afterward, it was really hard to cool myself off and try and forget what had happened. It was so out of the fucking blue that I still can't stop randomly thinking about it, and when I do I just want to throw myself off the top of the building hoping to kill myself! I wasn't supposed to enjoy this at all, was I? I don't even think anything other than pure dislike over the bastard, right? OF COURSE.

I will not let this continue to get under my skin! Right here and now, it will all be settled because I am going to think things through and come up with a likely theory about why the hell I enjoyed that random kiss! Now, let me think...hmm...it could have been just the shock of actually touching lips with someone. I honestly never thought it would happen, so that could be it. I know that when I see Antonio on Monday, I am so going to put him in his place! I didn't get to last night back at the cafe, unfortunately...

Wait, do you even know about what happened last night during my part-time shift at the cafe? Hmmph, I have enough time, so I guess I'll just go into detail. But be prepared for some ranting.

It all began the moment I entered the small cafe on the shady streets of this town. I'm lucky I had been able to convince my douchebag of a manager to allow me to work part-time for a little cash to live on, just saying. I had assumed that this was going to be another boring and exhausting night. And I would be taking out my aggravation from the previous experience at school out on everyone in sight. The second I stepped in and that annoying bell made it's alerting ding. That's when I heard...

"_Hola_~ welcome dear custom...Lovi? Is that you?" I would have been totally okay with the world ending right there. I had looked up to be greeted by the sight of the bastard, whom is the source of the chaos and stress in my life, standing at the counter wearing an apron.

"Fuck..." I scowled and ignored his gaze on me as I made my way up to the counter. I did not need to talk to him at this time, not when I was still so pissed off at the little scene he created back at school.

Well, I tried to ignore him. But Antonio just smiled as if nothing was wrong and he was speaking to his best friend. He propped his elbows on the counter and I just had to turn and glare at him. "So, Lovi, what are you doing here...?"  
>"I work here." My words were harsh and dripping with venom, but he apparently didn't give a damn about that. "Now why are YOU here?"<p>

"I needed some money, and one of the employees here decided to quit today. The manager was desperate for some more help, so, here I am~" Antonio explained, but I could tell that there was something in his tone. Something that told me that this story wasn't entirely accurate.

And I was quick to realize this and I spat, "You only decided to work here because you read in the damn diary that I work here!"

"Well, when you put it that way..." Before Antonio could finish, I noticed Tino walk out from the storage room and his gaze quickly fell on the both of us. With a somewhat-forced smile, he came over.

"I see that you two are talking-"

"Hey, why does he have to work here of all the people in this fucking town?" I had interrupted Tino, now turning to glare daggers at him and pointing an accusing finger at Antonio.

"Well, one of the other employees quit earlier this morning. And uh, Antonio came by late in thee afternoon and was able to convince the manager to hire him." Tino explained shakily underneath my deepening scowl that was not about to wear away anytime soon. "Do you two know each other?"

"We're friends at school." Antonio answered before I could. I had turned and felt like punching him for saying that, because that was such a fucking lie. Maybe not in his mind, but it is in mine!

I was far too pissed off to even begin to try and clear things up. Since speech was impossible and I was near seeing red, I just angrily pushed past Tino, grabbed an apron, and went into the storage room where maybe I could have gotten a little time to myself to calm down.

Key word: maybe. I had gone into the storage room and sat down in the corner on the floor. All was silent, and I was trying so hard not to just release my anger at this situation through beating one of the nearby boxes that littered the flooring. I actually counted how many seconds it took before some jackass entered the room and interrupted me. It was no more than six seconds before Antonio slipped inside and slowly closed the door behind him. I didn't want to speak with him, so I just wrapped my arms around my knees and looked away.

From the corners of my eyes, I could see him cock his head to the side in confusion as he gazed at me. Seeing as though I wasn't cussing him out more being violent, he must have been puzzled. So he came closer to me and kicked aside a nearby empty box beside me before mimicking my position and sitting at my side.

I think he was trying to make me perk up a little. He kept glancing at me and smiling, but I didn't return it the slightest bit. There was no reason to smile, I never have a reason to when my life is so chaotic and stressful. Still, despite my determination to remain pissed at him, the moment was not as awkward or tense as you would expect.

"Tino was wondering why you fled the area." The bastard said after a few seconds of silence, he said these words with a hint of concern in his voice. But is that something to dwell on? No.

"Let him wonder." I muttered. "If you came in here just to discover the reason why I left, it's because you're such a bastard."

"What do you mean...?"

My eye twitched and I finally just brought my hands back to either side of me and turned to scowl at him, snapping, "Like you don't know! I've only known you for one day and you've caused so much chaos in my life! You spread rumors about the both of us pining for the other and you even kissed me right in front of everyone at school! Now you better fucking explain why you did these things, before I maim you!"

You could tell that his mind was processing everything that I had just shouted in my rage. Finally, Antonio must have cone to a conclusion and he smirked from it. This just made me uneasy. "Is that why you have been avoiding me?"

"Cut to the chase!"

"Lovi, I didn't mean to embarrass you like that. And I wasn't trying to be evil. The reason I spread this rumor was because," He glanced away, rubbing the back of his neck as a light blush sneaked onto his cheeks. "Because I wanted to see you get offended."

I could not believe what I had just heard him confess. And it still burns me up to think about it. I mean, SERIOUSLY? He went through the trouble to spread an exaggerated rumor like that all over the school just to see me get offended and riled up about this? If looks could kill, the bastard would have been shot dead so many times!

Before I could open my mouth and cuss him out once again, he turned back and chuckled. "There's that scowl again."

"Why the hell would you spread a rumor like that just to see me get pissed off?" I growled, reaching forward and grabbing a hand full of his shirt. Without even thinking at the time, I had jerked him closer to me and our faces were mere inches apart. The closeness didn't – and still doesn't – matter to me, FYI.

"Well...the answer is simple. From what I've seen and read in that diary of yours: you're pretty feisty. Getting angered by the littlest things. I just wanted to see how you could handle the situation...but, ah, I guess I took it a little too far." He heaved a genuinely ashamed sigh. At least, he wanted it to look genuine. At the moment, I was far too pissed off from his actions to even think about this totally different topic! "Like I said earlier, _lo siento por lo que he hecho_."

To be honest, I have no idea what the fuck he had said in the last part of that sentence. His tone was apologetic, so I guess he must have been apologizing in Spanish or something. Hmmph, the way he said those words in his native tongue, it actually sounded sort of-

What the hell am I saying? Ugh, just forget that and let's move on with the rest of the narration, because my face is feeling like it's going so damn red at the thought of this! In hindsight, maybe I should have bothered to ask him what those words he was saying meant. But I stopped myself because I didn't care.

I was silent for a few moments and my grip on his shirt was beginning to weaken. Despite having the whole topic of the rumors cleared up, this still did not explain why he dared to press his luck and kiss me in front of nearly everyone. So I took the opportunity and voiced this thought constantly messing with me in my head. What was the response I received?

A fleeting smirk. "Ah, yes, the kiss..."

"It's not like I care or anything..." I defended lamely, my tone lowering nervously as my cheeks warmed up and I tried to look everywhere except his face. "I haven't ever had one before and was just caught off guard. Hey, stop laughing, dammit! I didn't enjoy it AT ALL and I had to rinse my mouth out afterward before I puked from the after-taste!"

He obviously didn't believe me. He just laughed at my failure to defend myself. I won't lie, I had considered kicking him in the balls at that moment, just to regain a little of my dignity back. It's too bad that I didn't get to. Damn. "The kiss...well...let's just say that it didn't have anything to do with my plan at first. Ever since I first noticed you when I entered the classroom, I couldn't help but notice how cute you were and I just...I just couldn't stop myself from wondering if you would be interested in someone like me. And besides, you know what they say about Italians." He didn't ever go into detail about what "they say about Italians", but I'm still wondering what he met by that. Was that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?

"So..." I scoffed and released my hold on him, leaning back against the wall and taking in all that I had just been told. "What you are saying is, you actually...?"

"Yes." Antonio's eyes were sparkling now as he inched closer to me, eying me as if I was a very pleasing sight to behold. God, that sounds to wrong in many ways. I was getting uncomfortable by the turn this whole thing was taking and I just inched away.  
>"What the fuck are you doing now?" I asked him, I tried to inch away and he didn't seem to care about how uncomfortable the moment was now. And ignoring my threats, he came as close as he possibly could without violating my personal space.<p>

"I don't want you to be mad at me for spreading those rumors or kissing you suddenly."

"Sorry, you jackass! It's a little too late for that!" I spat, glaring right into those sparkling emerald eyes fixed solely on me. He went back to cornering me up and had the nerve to slip a hand up to my scorching cheek, smiling fondly as he brushed across it and his fingers were getting dangerously close to the curl on my head. "D-dammit, why are you still TRYING to get the response you want from me?" I knew that my tone was not sounding as intimidating as I wanted it to be. I knew that he could sense I was a nervous wreck now that he was coming closer and brushing across my face, fingers barely inches away from the odd curl in my hair.

At that point, I was pretty much lying on the floor and he sat over me on his knees and was curiously gazing at the twitching curl on my head. I felt like the topic was just about to get switched way too fast for my liking. Which was exactly what happened. And I still can't stop thinking about how fucking nervous he had made me last night. My brain was already attempting to process why he was so-called "interested" in me (yeah, like that can't be interpreted in several ways).

"Ah, Lovi? Why do you have one random curl here?" A felt my face burning as soon as he answered that question. I knew very well what that little bitch did, after pulling at it just out of curiosity for the first time two years ago. And afterward, I swore that I wouldn't let the events of what happened that night happen again...hmmph, even if it did feel pretty fucking good by the end. But this is not the point! "I know this may be a little sudden, but I just remembered that I was going to ask you about that. If that's okay with you."

I promptly started squirming to get out from underneath him and yes, I had gotten all tongue-tied trying to think of a way to get the bastard to leave me alone and not touch that thing. "It's-it's nothing! Get the hell off of me and go back to the counter with the Finnish bastard and take orders!"

"No, no, there must be something that it does." Antonio's fingers slowly got closer and closer to the curl. I stared in shock and my entire face was probably crimson once he got a soft grip on it and almost tugged.

Then, miraculously, Tino opened the door and stepped in. "Lovino, Antonio, I was looking for..." His curious expression instantly shattered into a mildly embarrassed one as he took in the sight of us; me lying on the floor blushing furiously and Antonio over me pinning me down and softly holding on to my hair curl, frozen as he turned to stare as if he was caught red-handed. "Um...well, this is awkward..." Yeah captain obvious, of course it was awkward as hell! Why did he even have to say that?

Of course, I doubt that Tino was surprised to see what he was witnessing. He's sixteen and and lives with another guy whom I'm assuming is his boyfriend in a big empty house because his parents had died years ago and left him alone. You wouldn't think that this guy would misinterpret what was going on at the time, due to his innocent appearance and mannerisms. Everyone has a perverted side, I guess. Oh, but I'm the exception to that rule, got it?

"I can explain..." Antonio mentioned, laughing nervously and slowly getting up off the floor. I just gave him this pissed look before getting up myself and cussing him out in my personal thoughts.

Tino forced a nervous laugh and just backed out of the room, I think that maybe he was embarrassed enough for the both of us –well mostly me, 'cause it seemed like Antonio had no shame whatsoever, the horny bastard. "That's...that's okay, I should be getting back to the counter and taking orders anyway. Later at closing, you can explain everything to me."

"It wasn't like that at all!" I snapped, quickly taking a step forward. I had been forced to restrain my anger at the moment, but I would have so liked to pound the nervous expression off his face. As he apparently assumed me and Antonio were actually...urgh...I can't even complete that thought in my head without grimacing and my heart doing some weird shit in my chest –most likely out of anger.

The rest of my shift wasn't anything to remark about. Well, actually, I could go into detail. But my damn hand is beginning to throb painfully from all this writing so early in the morning, so I will just be vague and get it over with now.

I had one hell of an awkward shift last night at the cafe. Since the encounter with Antonio in the storage room, confronting him about the rumors he spread, and then him revealing tiny attention span and suddenly wondering what would happen if he yanked the curl on my head, I couldn't stop from feeling weird around him. This feeling was odd. My douche bag of a manager insisted to me that I would have to work alongside Antonio at the counter because of the crowds coming in at the hour. I could feel my face burn all the way up to the tips of my ears when we would make eye contact, and then even he would either intentionally or unintentionally brush against me in some way I would either tense up or get a tad shaky briefly before coming to my senses.

What the hell is happening to me? I know that I hate the bastard and want him to go die somewhere, there is no doubt. Yet I feel this sickening warm feeling when I feel him brush against me in some way or when I let my mind flashback to when he had kissed me yesterday. And strangely, this aforementioned "warm feeling" is almost the same I feel when around Brigida.

Fuck, I just need to stop thinking about this! It's like no matter what I do, I can't escape the fact that most of my problems in life are now revolving around Brigida and Antonio! Do you know what irritates me the most? I haven't even known the latter for at least a week yet! There's no one else except you and my stupid _Fratello _that would listen to my problems. And there is no way that I'll break down and pour it all out to him. So...here I am pouring it out to you. I know this sounds so freaking retarded, but this is the question that I would ask you if you were a real person that was actually capable of speech:

**What am I supposed to do about these sickening feelings that keep coming to me when Antonio and Brigida enter the picture?** Before you make any unnecessary implications, let me just clear up the fact that I'm positive these aren't romantic feelings. Because like I've said before; Lovino Vargas doesn't need to fall in love. And guess what? He never will as long as he can remain strong and block out all these weird feelings.

The entry ends here for today. I won't write any tonight, because I'm going to be busy with...stuff. And I won't be able to write at all tomorrow. So on Monday, I will continue with the entries. Maybe by Monday, I will be able to come up with a way to make everyone forget these damn rumors that Antonio spread, and make everyone know that the kiss was totally meaningless to me.

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To Be Continued

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_A/N: This was shorter than it looked on the document. D: Ah well, at least I think the point got across and there's at least a little bit of explanation for what Antonio did. That being said, he was pretty damn vague about it, wasn't he? So there may be something else behind his motives that Lovino has not figured out yet. *Dun Dun Dun*_

_I'm sorry about how the chapter seemingly got rushed at parts. At the time when writing those certain parts, I was very tired but pushed myself to keep going and going with lots of coffee. As the result of that, I hadn't gotten more than one hour of sleep that day. Ugh._

_Ahem. So I hope that you liked it. There's more to come with the next entry that will be written...as soon as the author (that's a me, FYI~ C: ) can drag herself to bed and try and at least get a little more sleep._

_Read and review!_


	11. Entry 12 Part 1 of 2

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January 13th, Entry 12 Part 1/2

Current Location: School Library, 3:00 PM

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Antonio,

Yeah, yeah, I know it's been about three days since the last entry. I wouldn't say that I was lazy...on the contrary, things have been so fucking eventful that I have barely been able to think about writing it all down. Now, I guess that my life should be back in order temporarily.

It's another big-ass entry, deal with it.

Okay...let's see...well, I knew for sure that ever since that Spanish bastard entered my life, the minute our eyes met, the minute that he started breathing the same air in the classroom, I would be forever doomed. My reputation would be destroyed and fucked up. And my stupid _Fratello _would attempt to give me some brotherly advice and offer to help, but I would be me and refuse. Turns out that all of this was true. Three days ago I had the horrible feeling that life would never go back the way it was before.

Now that I look around, flashback against my own will, maybe I was overreacting, hmmph,maybe. Well, I was mostly panicked at first because I didn't know what the hell to do. Secretly, I've been saving that first kiss. Now I'm even more bitter than ever, knowing that my first kiss had to be some oblivious bastard that I can't stand! It doesn't matter how shocking and hot it felt, it doesn't matter why it happened either, what did matter was that he had the goddamn nerve to steal it and damage my reputation by setting it up where everyone, and I mean EVERYONE could be witnesses to it! And I swear that some day, when he least expects it, oh, I will have my vengeance!

Nothing much really happened over the weekend, it was pretty much the usual. Feli ended up going out with that potato bastard twice a day, he never told me where...and suspiciously enough, he returned practically floating and acting like he was lost in his own little stupid fantasy world. Can't help but wonder what the hell happened...

Oh, okay, that is off-topic. Let's return. So things didn't start to get really interesting until yesterday when the week began anew and it was time for me to drag my ass to school for pretty much an entire day. God knows I didn't want to go back there and face everyone after what they had seen Friday. Besides, what if Brigida had seen that? What if Feliciano had seen that? …What if FRANCIS had seen that...? I haven't even seen the Spanish bastard since my last shift at the cafe. I assumed he would have remembered the directions to my home and my cellphone number after he all but forced me to give it to him when we first met. I was pleasantly surprised to see he was not trying to bother me. But then again, I couldn't help but be confused as to why.

Yesterday, I awoke by the annoying ringing of my new alarm clock. But I was actually glad that it went off when it did this time. I was so worried about what might happen at school that I was having this vivid, horrible dream about being teased by everyone in the entire school and my reputation being forever damaged because of the bastard. Luckily, it left my mind now. Nevertheless, I remember it was agonizing and I had almost flung myself up in bed and was almost trembling as I caught my breath.

I hate having dreams like that...I fucking hate it so much! They're so vivid, and my bad dreams always seem to involve me either being tormented by any problems and worries happening to me at the current time...or something bad happening in general and me being a coward and unable to do anything to change things around. Ugh, I just wish that I could go back to having dreams of me and Brigida sharing a large plate of pasta and just about to k...k...ki...dammit! I can't even complete that thought without feeling like my heart's about to explode!

Turns out that this dream I had stuck in my mind for the rest of the morning, at least until I had a quick breakfast, getting dressed and taking a shower, purposely knocked over the landlord's cup of tea he placed on a desk, and arriving at the school. The only thing on my mind was: "how can I kill this goddamn rumor?" and then, "what kind of teasing will be going on today, I wonder...?" Last one was pure sarcasm.

When I entered the school and my presence was noticed, almost all eyes shifted to me. Which was okay, I guess, I tried to not let that bother me as I walked down the halls to my locker. I needed to be able to put away my things, before I dragged myself to the first class of the day. As fate would have it, I just finished dumping some books inside when a finger tapped my shoulder.

For a brief moment, air rushed through my nostrils. I was so ready to turn around, only to be greeted by the sight of Antonio smiling like everything in the world was perfect and absolutely nothing was out of place. But once I turned, I saw a different person. Someone I honestly didn't expect at all.

"Hi, Lovino." I could feel myself tensing up once my met those of Brigida. She was looking beautiful, as usual. Fuck...did I just write that?

"Hi, Brigida..." I released a sigh inwardly, I didn't sound like a total idiot this time. My words contained less stammering and stuttering, thank God. "Ah, what is it?"

She seemed to hesitate for a moment, her gaze began to downcast and her smile faltered a tad. "It's...um...well, I wanted to speak with you about something interesting that one of my friends told me. Do you have the time to speak with me?"

"Yes, of course!" I said WAY too quickly. She gave me a quizzical look afterward, and my face flushed before I tore my eyes away from hers and nearly burnt holes in the the floor with my gaze.

"Thank you." I could have sworn I heard my heartbeat ringing in my ears when she smiled and then grasped my wrist and started leading me away from the earshot of other students that may have been eavesdropping.

I don't know why, but the walk to our destination with her hand grasping mine as we traveled. It was like...like...hmm, it's tough to explain. Truth be told, don't feel like telling you 'cause it sounds so fucking stupid. Besides, you may be getting the idea I...like...MOVING ON...

Once we were in a corner of the halls, just outside that empty classroom, Brigida released my wrist and leaned against the door. Something must have been weighing her mind, because her usual kitty smile was replaced with a look of deep thought.

"So..." I ignored the heat rushing to my cheeks and I walked a little closer to her. "What is it that you wanted to talk about, Brigida?"

"I don't really know how to say it...but..." She sighed, and it all finally came out afterward. "A friend told me that you and Antonio were, you know, interested in each other. She claims that this is the current gossip around the school. I assumed it was mere exaggerating at first, then I sort of saw you two kissing in the halls..." She looked back at me and must have noticed my shock and embarrassment, she quickly trailed off and waved her hands back and forth. "Listen, Lovino, this is why I wanted to ask you point blank so that I wouldn't begin to believe it myself! I would have asked Antonio, but I haven't heard from him all weekend, he wouldn't even answer my phone calls or texts either. So it seemed that there was a connection between these things..."

Right then and there would have been the perfect time to die. Which was what I felt like doing. However, the thought of giving in like that would be just degrading. So, after a short period of silence, I replied, "Brigida, there's nothing going on between us, and nothing will ever happen!"

"Lovino..."

"I don't mean to snap..." I hate that I had to say that. I wanted to actually mention that I was so pissed off I could murder someone. But it's like I just can't say these things around her of all people... anyway, I crossed my arms and looked away from her. "There's just so much going on right now, and he isn't helping at all by acting like he wants to get into my pants..."

"Hmm?" Brigida's lips curved into a smile and she brought her hand to her mouth to hold back a giggle. This interested me, I furrowed my eyebrows together and looked at her to search for some answers. "Lovino, if it's Antonio's ambiguous attitude that is making you uneasy...don't worry about that! Hey, I've known him for a long time. Since we were kids. If he actually had some feelings for you; he would be much worse than usual and would refuse to stay away no matter what." She sighed. "He just can be a little...confusing sometimes with unfortunate implications. Don't let it mess with your head."

What she said really hit me hard and left a big impact. If this was true, then why did Antonio say that night in the storage room at the cafe that he was..."interested" in me. I can't explain why, but I had felt like my head was spinning afterward. It took me short time to register it all and sit back and wait for the anger to flare within me.

I still don't know...if that bastard actually has feelings for me or not. It's not like I want to know or anything, it's just that I need to know so that everything between the three of us will be mended and this fucking annoying drama going on will fade away! I swear, I couldn't care less how he truly feels because, even if Antonio DOES have some crush on me, the feelings are so one-sided and not returned the slightest bit!

"Why are you looking like that?" Brigida walked a little closer to me and offered a concerned smile as she tipped up my chin and our eyes met. I could feel my face flush deeply and my mind short-circuiting. WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THESE PEOPLE ALWAYS SENDING MIXED MESSAGES TO ME?

"I...it's just that..."

Yet again, a hand was brushing over my forehead and cheeks. I almost flinched and flung myself backward when her fingers almost touched the curl in my hair. "Oh God, your face is so warm and re-"

"Brigida," Suddenly lifted my head back up and backed away somewhat. My eyes briefly shifted to the right to make sure that no one had seen this whole little scene between us. "Antonio was the one that started these rumors. He won't open up fully about why, but I'd like to knock some sense into everyone and make them realize there's nothing going on between us!"

I almost thought that Brigida wasn't going to respond. But she smiled again and the faintest shade of pink dusted across her cheeks as she replied, "So that's what you're worried about?"

I just returned to looking down at the ground, my cheeks reddening and warming as the seconds passed. Truth be told, I was sure that she was just going to tease me about this. And also, I was stunned that I managed to hold a conversation with the girl this long without making myself a total dumbass in front of her.

After this, she told me that she understood the situation. The stupid class bell began to ring after the words passed her lips, and we both turned to see our classmates all scrambling through the halls to get their things and head to class. Neither of us were in a hurry, we knew that the situation had to be put back into proportion before things got too bad. hmm, as if they could have possibly gotten any worse at the time...

Brigida turned back to me and, with a glint in her eyes that I knew meant I was so screwed now. She declared that she was concerned for me and wanted to help in any way possible. But once I asked why (after I regained the ability to pull myself out of a fucking stupid dreamy state), she just smiled very mischievously and told me that she would fill me in on the details after class. Shortly after, she walked away to the classroom of her destination.

At the time, I had no fucking idea what she meant by those words. Nevertheless, I couldn't control the loud pounding in my heart and the damn dreamy smile that sneaked it's way to my lips when I had no control. Just the thought that Brigida wanted to lend a hand it...it...God, I can't explain the strange feelings that overcame me. It hasn't happened before.

I just backed up somewhat clumsily, my lips betraying me and showing the dreamy smile for anyone to witness. I just stood there for several seconds, before returning to this planet and raising my hand to slap myself and bring myself out of the daze. After my awareness was regained, I shifted my eyes to the right to see that the damn potato bastard was standing there and having the nerve to stare at me curiously as if I had grown a second head or something.

We met each others' gaze for a while. But I finally just scowled at him and crossed my arms across my chest, dragging myself away to the fucking stupid class before he could tell me that he had been there fro a while and caught sight of the stupid dreamy smile on my face. There was no way that I would want him of all the people in this school to see me smile.

After all, there's no reason for me to smile. And if I was going to crack one, it would be in private where no one could see how damn idiotic it most likely looks.

I went on my way down the halls, knowing that I would have to drag myself to class sooner or later. I tried not to let my mind wander over to my problems, or about how Brigida would help me solve them. A part of me kept trying to instruct me to go and search for the source of this drama in my life: the bastard himself. Maybe I could confront him and threaten him into making an effort to kill these rumors that he spread himself.

God knows I didn't want to do that. I couldn't face him now that I have a theory about his real motives behind creating these fucking rumors. Not saying that I don't believe the Belgian girl or anything, it's just that it's likely he isn't just trying to be friendly. Maybe he...you know...has some stupid crush on me that must be destroyed before it enlarges overtime.

Anyway, I went to the first class of the day. Can't really recall which one it was all that well, my head was full of several thoughts that I was barely even paying much attention to the lesson. I've the idea though, that it was science. Evident by the confusing shit written on the large board in the front of the room.

I plopped down at whatever empty desk there was. And I just happened to be between two people I could have gone my whole life without even knowing: Francis and Arthur. At realizing this, I had just released a sigh and tried to not pay them any attention as I got out my notebook, preparing to write down ideas and plots about how to kill these rumors about me and Antonio rather than notes on the stupid lesson.

Things were surprisingly quiet. Then the mayhem started once that tsundere Brit looked over at Francis from the corners of his bright green eyes either with hate or desire; or some complex mixture that I totally understood. Once he had gotten the attention he apparently wanted, he muttered to the pervert, "I read that appalling note you attached to my locker."

"Ah," I wasn't looking at the time, due to me trying to remain focused on my own drama that I had to murder soon, but I could have sworn that Francis' smirk stretched farther in amusement as he whispered back, "And your thoughts...?"

"You basically sexually assaulted me with words, you damn frog! I don't know what your goal here was, but I can honestly say you're lucky I didn't punch in your stupid face as soon as I finished reading!" Arthur hissed underneath his breath at him. I just sighed irritatedly and the grip on my pencil tightened more and more.

"I just said that I've noticed you've been acting so tsundere around me lately, even more than usual. Naturally, that must mean you are finally giving in and coming to realize you're crazy about me, Arthur." I'm sure that there was a glint in his eyes when he said this. And Arthur flinched and stared with a half-creeped out, half-embarrassed to freaking death by those words. "A date was all that I asked of you."

"Among other things, you sick pervert!" I so didn't need to know that! Ugh, I finally just slammed down my pencil as loudly as possible, closed the notebook in my haste, and all but jumped out from around the desk.

Everyone must have been looking at the three of us, including the teacher. More than likely disturbed by all of the noise, or the so-called "whispering" exchanges between the old married couple there. Before I could gather my things and walk away to a miraculously empty desk I just spotted near the back of the class, Francis finally turned his attention to me and smiled mischievously.

"Oh hello, Lovino. I've been hearing some interesting rumors about you and 'Toni." I could my face flushing and I scowled, the grip on my things becoming more tougher than it should've been. "Is it true that you and him actually shared a first kiss together in the halls where everyone could see you? That's so romantic~"

My eye twitched. I spat, "Fuck off." And quickly turned and stomped over towards the other empty desk, near praying that him or anyone else hadn't noticed my humiliation.

Said humiliation only burned more when I could make out the school's biggest pervert laugh obnoxiously and then mention that I was "living in such a horrible world of denial".

However, I did also hear Arthur mutter with a sigh: "I somehow understand him". I don't know why, but I have the strangest feeling that he was talking about me. Hmmph, as if I want that guy to understand me. For the record, I don't need anyone to understand me. That is all there is to it.

I flopped down at the desk, not even caring about the distraction I was making and that the teacher was giving me a certain look from the corners of his eyes. I then got back out my notebook and placed it back down on the desk, grasping a pencil and preparing to right down more of my ideas to kill these rumors about me and that bastard.

Seriously, if Francis was in the know about them, then I must murder them before he can make things worse; like constantly trying to tease me about my non-existent feelings.

It wasn't long after this when the aforementioned Spaniard casually walked into the room, drawing the attention of everyone excluding me. I didn't want to look at him, I didn't want to even remember that he existed in this lifetime.

"You're a little late, Antonio." No shit, Sherlock. "What kept you so long?"

"Oh, I'm sorry about that! I was speaking with someone and lost track of the time..."

I briefly raised my head up from the notebook to see Antonio turn his attention towards Francis, and he greeted him in a friendly manner (which really wasn't surprising for me; they would get along just find considering that they're two of the most perverted guys I've ever seen. Add in the potato bastard's brother, Gilbert, and you've got yourself a pretty fucking fitting trio. God, I hope I didn't foreshadow anything...), and his sparkly green eyes scanned the room for an empty desk. The only two was the one between the old married couple, Francis and Arthur, and the one beside me towards the back.

Easily, I felt his gaze burning on me. And he began to smile and make his way over. I just buried my face in my hands and tried to sink low into the desk, wondering why the hell fate and those other odd forces of the world were against me.

However, once peeking out from behind my hands, I could see Antonio curiously lean over and try to examine my notebook. I scowled and swatted him back.

"Can you just leave me alone for once?" I hissed at him, sitting back up in my seat and slamming the notebook closed.

"Lovi, come on," He offered another smile and placed a hand on my tense shoulder. "You can't still be mad at me for spreading those rumors. And, besides, I didn't mean to steal that kiss. Had I known you were saving it for the right person..."

My fingers twitched up to my lips and softly slid over them, I could still remember the literal shock and tingling go through them when our lips had met. My scowl deepened and I turned away, for some reason, I couldn't look into those sincere eyes.

"To be honest, Lovi, I don't regret that kiss." My eyes widened and this caused me to suck it up and turn to look at him from an angle, catching the sparkles dancing in his eyes and the dreamy smile forming on his lips. "What is there to regret anyway? What makes you think that the wrong person took the kiss...?"

"You don't understand!" I hissed underneath my breath, pulling out from underneath his hand. I was just so pissed by this, and yet I wasn't sure whether to explain farther or just let it be like this.

Someone like him wouldn't understand what was so important about a first kiss. He's practically sixteen – if he isn't already – and I wouldn't be surprised if he's already fucked someone before. God knows I don't like admitting that I feel like a first kiss is an important moment.

'Cause it makes me sound like a stupid lovesick girl.

Sure enough, as I almost expected of him, Antonio smiled so big that you would think it was about to break his face. I could tell that he was trying so hard to fight back letting his amusement out, especially since the teacher was going into some fucking gigantic explanation on matter (or something...), so he just settled for laughing a little behind his hand.

That laugh. That fucking laugh. I wanted to be so pissed off that I was near sharply turning and smacking him with my backpack (useable as a weapon due to the heavy books and whatnot inside), but for some strange reason, I couldn't bring myself to do it. My heart started doing this weird shit again as my lips battled for a smile – which they did not win. There was just something interesting about that laugh, it was annoying for me naturally. Yet, at the same time, it was somewhat endearing and near child-like. God, I can't believe I'm actually writing this. My hand is trembling now and my heart's going crazy in remembrance. Yeah, despite these rumors being settled, I still act this strange.

Maybe Feliciano was right about me needing a little therapy after all. But you didn't just here that from me.

"Bastard," I glared evilly, and turned back away from his face in a pouty way. And how no one else when saw any of this or heard or exchanges of words, I'll never know. "It's not funny."

"You're so worked up over this, and it really isn't all that big of a deal when you think about it." He sighed near dreamily and once again rested his chin on his palm as he flipped open a notebook and started glancing through it. "We shouldn't talk about this here, it might do nothing but convince everyone else that hears this exchange that the rumors were true all along. However...I'm just so amused by how cute you are when you're pissed off~" This was when I practically clawed through my desk and kept my gaze everywhere expect this lovesick bastard for the rest of the lesson, when once science was thankfully over, I had ignored him coldly again and rushed out away from his presence.

…

…

…

Hmm. WAIT. I just looked to my left, and caught sight of something sickening. How did I not notice this earlier when I came in here? Or...were these two already there but I didn't notice? Well, either way, I'm looking over to see Feliciano sitting at a table with that potato bastard. It looks like he may be helping him with some homework; oh so innocently. But my keen eyes saw him try and brush over and hold his goddamn hands, even going as far as to steal some kisses. This something that I must, and will, stop.

I'll finish writing the entry later. Once I rush over there in my fury and break this sickening sight apart! Now then, (I'm cracking my knuckles here at this point, fuck, it's painful!) this is my cue. Feliciano, if you're reading this just because you're so damn curious and is still flattered by the fact I even bothered to write in this stupid diary in the first place, your secret is officially EXPOSED.

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To Be Continued

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_A/N: Yeah, I'm so late with this update. -_- You wouldn't believe how busy I am lately. Not only do I have college work, my job, those freaking annoying bills to pay, making time to keep in touch with my huge family and friends and boyfriend, trying to find the time to write, and have some personal time for playing video games/thinking of new story ideas/reading manga/watching anime. But at least I still have some coffee to keep me going._

_Soon, I will be going on a trip somewhere over this upcoming weekend. Which means that I'll most likely be gone from Friday to around afternoon-ish on Monday. So, during that time, writing will be put on hold temporarily. That being said, I still will be planning out new ideas and various chapters in my head. Yes, yes, I am a dedicated person, aren't I? *Crickets chirp mockingly*_

_Part 2 will come as soon as I can manage. Stay tuned, and R&R! ^^_


	12. Entry 12 Part 2 of 2

_**MidnightSakuraBlossom18: **I'm back with the next part! Was I missed? Anyone miss me? Come on, don't hesitate to virtual glomp me. Normally I wouldn't want such a sudden glomp, but I just returned recently from my weekend trip which would have been a wonderful experience if my best friend whom was with me had suddenly almost had a heart attack from stress! =.=_

_Disclaimer: Short and simple: Hetalia Axis Powers isn't mine and it never will be in this lifetime. However, the diary of Romano/Lovino technically belongs to me._

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January 13th, Entry 12 Part 2/2

Current Location: Me and Feliciano's kitchen, 4:57 PM

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Antonio,

Yeah, it took a little while to get back and finish writing this entry. The reason for the sudden interruption was all my stupid _Fratello_'s fault. If he hadn't...if he hadn't been around that damn potato bastard in plain sight! I mean, we were just a tiny distance away in the school library, it was only natural that I would be able to SEE them and that fucking sickening way they were trying to be affectionate!

Seriously, and I don't want to be the one to admit this, it's painfully obvious that the bastard is head over heels for my _fratello_ but just can't seem to get his goddamn act together and make move. Which is JUST FINE with me, but it remains annoying anyway! And I know that Feliciano must have feelings for him beyond a friendship because he constantly is making any excuse in the world to bring his unfortunate existence into a conversation and is quick at taking the chance to be around him clinging to his annoyingly-muscular arm that makes my stomach churn to look at it!

Like always, it took me to break up the sickening cuteness that was taking place. I could tell the bastard was annoyed with my actions, he even had the balls to say to my face he wished I could be less irritating and get off of their case once in a while! THAT SON OF A BITCH! It pisses me off just to write this, I wanted to just punch him in the face to express my humble opinion about his little comment...but then Feliciano decided to leap over from his seat and restrain me from behind, crying out that I shouldn't resort to violence and that "Ludwig wasn't being serious~!". The three of us had gotten kicked out of the library for making all of that noise, but I can't say that it was worth it. The day was pretty much nondescript after this event.

Since I don't have to go to work at the cafe tonight, and I have no friends to go hand out with in town (say I'm Forever Alone and you'll be crippled in a hospital bed breathing through an iron lung when I'm finished with you, whomever happens to be reading against my knowledge),

Oh, wait, I guess I went off on a long rant there. Hmmph, sorry. But now, let me return back to my explanation/narration of what happened previously to finally kill these rumors about me and Antonio.

This would bring us to...sometime after science. After another class that wasn't all that eventful, and then lunch. By the way, nothing really happened at lunch. I ate alone; Feli tried to come over and join me so I brushed him off and his smile faltered a bit as he gave up and returned back to the potato bastard and that Japanese guy (what's his name...? Kiku...?). Strangely, that Spanish bastard didn't make an attempt to join me – although I did catch sight of him join Brigida at a table and they both chatted and laughed good-naturedly at various things. I barely made any of it out due to lack of interest anyway.

Well, I take that back. Can you believe it? Actually, at lunch, something did happen right when I was finished and stood up from the table. I hadn't been expecting anything, so that made it easy for Antonio and Brigida to almost fucking materialize at my side and drag me over to the corner of the room where the wastebaskets were. I was protesting and squirming underneath their holds, but obviously, they never gave a fuck about that.

Once we were out of anyone's earshot, they both released their holds on my arms. I couldn't stay mad at Brigida, but Antonio was a completely different case. I ended up glaring evilly at him in the remainder of the awkward silence that hung in the air.

"Okay," Antonio finally spoke up, that same stupid smile twisting onto his lips as his hands clasped together. "Lovi, me and Brigida were just talking and came up with a good way to kill these rumors that I spread about you. I know you've been really pissed off about that lately, and I really am sorry for creating them...I just..." I rose a brow as his gaze fell to the floor and the faintest shade of pink rushed into his cheeks for a brief amount of time. "Actually, it's pretty self-explanatory, isn't it?"

Me and Brigida glanced at each other, both looking rather blank. Looking back, I'm surprised that I didn't lose the nerve to meet her eyes. But I doubt that it'll be so easy the next time.

"But my motives are not relevant at all!" He seemed to be so damn casual with that little laugh of his, but I knew that if he helped in coming up with some kind of way to kill these rumors he started, my life was about to be fucked up even worse. "Anyway, we want to help you because things have been going too far now that I realize it at long last."

"So, Lovino," Brigida turned back to me and smiled. I almost died and went to Heaven once again...pffft, but it isn't like it was a good feeling to see it or anything... "Let's get down to business with our plan. It's obvious that everyone in the school believes you guys are dating and are madly in love and blah blah, and there is only one way to get them to realize it was all a misunderstanding: you guys must go into the hallways at a time when they'll be mostly crowed and fake your break-up."

It took a short while for that plan to really sink in good. When I registered all of what she had just mentioned, I growled a curse in Italian and pointed a finger at the Spanish bastard whom seemed to be the source of almost all the drama in my life. "There is no way that I'll embarrass myself AGAIN! If I fake a break-up, everyone will still be convinced that we WERE dating!"

"But, Lovi," Antonio winked and wagged a finger, I just scowled. "You aren't getting the picture: if we fake a break-up, it is true that everyone will fully believe we were dating. But, the catch is that they will stop acting giggly around you and me and all the rumors and gossip will end just as soon as it happened! All three of us will win, don't you see?"

I think I can break all of this down and attempt to explain this plan of Brigida and Antonio's: in their minds...it was true that my reputation is totally screwed up and couldn't possibly get any worse since our peers assume that me and the Spanish bastard are dating. Even if it would be embarrassing mildly for me to go out into the halls and fake a break-up with Antonio, and pretty much making it clear for everyone that we really were dating somewhat openly, it would regardless help in the end because they would have no more hot rumors and exaggerated gossip on us. Maybe and only then would my life be put back in order.

For the record, I almost didn't agree to their plan. Only because that would really convince everyone that we were dating and I'll never be able to live this down. And it also didn't help when Brigida mentioned wisely that should I not kill these fucking rumors, I would have to live with them for almost the rest of my life. And I know that she wanted to help me out...

After all, she had been at the wrong end of some fucking stupid rumors last year. Everyone had the impression that her and her best girl friend were secretly in love and wanted to become a couple. And they both had to live with this for more than two months, unsure of what the hell to do to about the rumors because the students were so convinced it was true. Luckily for them, everyone else eventually forgot about that phenomenon because of some newer gossip.

However, she admitted to the both of us that she and her friend still had an awkward friendship because of the gossip. I honestly saw that one coming.

I thought about this plan for a long time and the curious stares of the two were really making me feel like I was being put under a spotlight. But what else could I do but agree to do this? God knows I couldn't come up with a better plan. Most of mine involved the Spanish bastard getting beaten up in some way...by me...

Seeing as though there was no way for me to avoid this, I grudgingly agreed to fake a break-up. And I swear, Antonio and Brigida were smiling so wide that I almost expected their faces to split from the excessive stretching.

Anyway, so that was how it all played out. We're moving on now, because nothing really eventful happened after we joined up temporarily for the plan to murder these goddamn annoying rumors about me and Antonio, ugh, dating.

We decided afterward to do this around the time school would be let out for the day. This way, there was no mistake that lots of people would witness the chaos and they would have to forget the rumors and fucking move on already. I was very skeptical, it didn't seem like it would work out the way we all hoped, and I had doubts that Antonio could help execute it well. Before Antonio could walk away, I had glared and grasped his arm, pulling back to me.

Now that Brigida was gone, I could act as pissed as I was at the time. To ensure that the information was registered in this clueless bastard's head, I growled, "You better fucking pull off the act. Otherwise, I'm going to kill you in your sleep tonight."

To my misfortune, he laughed it off. With his eyes near twinkling with desire as he smiled at me, he countered, "So, all I have to do is pull off the act poorly and then I can get you in my house?"

Air rushed through my nostrils and my brows were furrowed, I was quick to give a sharp hit to his ribs, you couldn't even call it a punch. He shot me an amused look and stifled a laugh at my reaction. "You would twist my words..." I cursed under my breath, glancing away self-consciously when I could feel the heat rising into my cheeks. Unfortunately, this wasn't from anger alone.

"Aw~! It's so easy to make you blu-"

"Don't you dare finish that fucking sentence."

…

I can't say that anything else really happened that was worth talking about. The rest of the classes were dull as usual and I zoned out a lot from being tired due to all this chaos in my life. During history, Feliciano and Ludwig were sitting near me and were beside each other; I watched them very closely and was quick to make a reaction or clear my throat when my stupid _fratello _became too touchy and overly-friendly. I probably really annoyed the crap out of that bastard because he couldn't make a move, perfect.

Literature? Boring as hell. The only thing that somewhat lightened the overall mood was the fact Brigida was sitting at the desk right behind me. I don't know if she was doing this on purpose or not, but it was especially hard to concentrate then. Pffft, yeah, like I would actually concentrate anyway! And towards the end of the class, Francis' inappropriate flirting attempts directed at Arthur when the teacher had her back turned was mildly amusing.

Spoiler: Arthur got so irritated with the flirting that he just couldn't take it anymore and was pretty much clawing his hair as he spontaneously shouted: "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST STOP!" Everyone. Literally, EVERYONE including me and the teacher were looking at them. Francis didn't seem to be fazed by the attention; I'll bet he was fucking loving it.

Meanwhile, you could see Arthur's face go so red upon realizing he had really just shouted that protest. Apparently, he hadn't intended to raise his voice. No words or explanations were heard from him, he just slid lower into his desk and hoped to disappear from the face of the earth.

As expected, Francis sighed and went back to writing down some things in his notebook and attempting in vain to look innocent. We all knew better. And I don't give a damn about them or their problems with each other, but I just wish that they would make out already and start dating. Then it would end all this goddamn annoying tension between them! Why doesn't anyone spread rumors about those two, anyway...?

…

Everything else was a blur. Now let's skip straight to the point, when me and Brigida met up and walked down the filling halls to Antonio together. I had checked the time with my phone, it was almost four and the bell would probably ring obnoxiously to single the end of school. But naturally, most students were gathering a little ahead of schedule. Can you blame them?

The three of us were huddled in a corner by the small set of stairs that led to the second floor. Each of us wore anxious expressions as we took in the scene of the filling hallways, I'm almost positive.

"We're going to have to start this soon." I pointed out in irritation at the fact we were getting nowhere. And it was written all over my face as usual.

"That's right." Antonio agreed. He turned to me and nodded, I assumed be was signaling to me that it was time to act. "Lovi, you go walk to your locker. Then I'll slide up with a charming smile, that's when you will 'act' infuriated and loudly cuss me out to get everyone's attention for the main event." I scoffed after he was finished, walking away with a pout. He didn't need to give me a damn recap of the plan because I knew it cover to cover already!

The plan that we crafted seemed to be simple: just as the bastard reminded me, I was to go to my locket and he would near materialize again (seriously, how does he do it?). I would get pissed and then proceed to rant about how he was always all over me and never gave me any space. Which would definitely attract the attention of various people, my rants always do gather either wanted or unwanted attention...but that isn't the point, 'kay? Everything else afterward will call come together – flawlessly, we hoped. The whole topic of the reason for "breaking up" and the lines were to be ad-libbed in this case. Brigida claimed that she believed in us and that we could pull it off. I had my fingers crossed despite her assurance.

Just as we planned, I walked over to my locker and started fiddling with the knob, pretending to be twirling it the correct combination. And almost without a sound at all, Antonio slid over to me wearing a typical overly-friendly, goofy-and-yet-somewhat-charming (but you didn't hear that from ME.) smile of his. I hate admitting that it felt like my heart felt like it would explode from shock at seeing him appear so quickly. Fuck you if you thought I'd say something about it because of being close to him in general. Humph.

"UGH," I turned and crossed my arms, putting on a scowl and resting with my back against the locker. I hoped that I was convincing enough. But I could see some people turning and glancing at us. Braver ones smirking or giggling. "What the hell are you doing? I told you I'll call you later! Can a guy get a little peace once in a while?"

I was surprised to see a very convincing concerned and mildly hurt look on Antonio's face as he came closer and began to stroke my cheek, which started to warm and color when I realized he could easily touch my curl and make me horny right then and there. But tried to push these thoughts away. "W-what's wrong, Lovi...?"

"You know, dammit!" I spat, huffing and looking away. I smirked very wickedly inwardly, seeing people gather around us in confusion. Among them was a fake-concerned Brigida, Francis, Gilbert, Feliciano, Arthur, Alfred, Kiku, the German bastard, and others watching. "Ever since we decided to give this relationship a chance, you won't leave me alone and I'm getting so damn tired of it!" I briefly wondered if this stupid act sounded believable for anyone.

Antonio was actually – to my surprise – pulling the act off well. The look in his eyes was very convincing and the look of frustration clear on his face as believable. He brought his hand back to his side as if he touched fire and got burnt to death. "What is with your attitude all of a sudden...?" He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around, I scoffed a this, prepared to retort. But he went on, "Okay, I will admit you shun people away from you all the time...I don't know your motives. But I want to know why you keep acting so cold and distant with me, I thought that you-"

Damn, he was even sounding very convincing too! For some reason, he was really putting the emotion into the act. Seeing as though this was probably my cue to do the same, I added more bitterness to my speech and went on to interrupt him, "You just annoy the crap outta me, okay?" I finally shouted, forcing one of my usual angry glares and walking up and staring at him right in the eyes.

"Really...? Then why would you say you..."

"I can't explain it." I lowered my head to the floor, secretly smirking wickedly, but let's hope no one has noticed that. "Hey listen to me Antonio," Wow, saying his name on my tongue felt so odd. It was definitely the first time I've said it without sounding intent on murder or just pissed off. And it left quite the strange feeling in my chest of all places afterward. "I really don't know how I feel. So just...just leave me alone for a while, okay? In fact, maybe it was a mistake to be in a relationship with you!"

I could feel my cheeks begin to burn and rapidly become so fucking red when I could hear murmurs all over the hallway. This had to be the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to me in school. Yet, this was all necessary to kill the rumors and gossip about me.

Antonio's eyes widened, seemingly offended by what I just said. But I knew better, he was most likely cooing and giggling inwardly as he took in a full view of my furiously blushing face... "You don't mean that..."

"Look, dumbass, I just want you to leave me alone!"

"I'm not THAT MUCH of a blind person, Lovi! I know when someone has certain feelings for another, and you obviously still like me more than what you're willing to accept!"

The color intensified and spread to my ears, this couldn't be anymore humiliating than it already was now that he just had to say it that way. And the way everyone was staring curiously did not help me at all. But I tried to hold on to my dignity as I argued, "Pfft, yes, in your mind! Now just stop annoying me, because I'm breaking up with you now!"

"You're too drastic, Lovi! I mean...I really don't understand you sometimes..." I almost choked on my own damn saliva when he gave me this pathetic look, so convincing. There was this sick ache in my chest at seeing this, but yet I knew he was only doing this for the act. Still...what has been seen can't be unseen. "Look, can we talk this over?"

"Forget it, annoying bastard." I waved a hand, trying so hard to ignore the curious gazes and murmuring around me. It was so awkward for me. "We're through, that's final! However, you're such a clingy fool that I guess I'll still have to live with you following my around like a fucking lost puppy..."

"If that's the way that you want it..." Antonio turned away and began to sulk, he released a long sigh and prepared to walk away to God-knows-where. I was just glad we were finished, even if it probably did seem to rushed and improbable to the fucking annoying spectators of guys and girls. "Still, I hope that you will change your mind one of these days. Keep in mind that I'm going to be waiting for the day you'll change your mind."

"Don't have high hopes, bastard!"

God, I was so relieved that this entire act was all said and done! To be honest, I expected that to go on longer than it did, but that was where Brigida came in: I requested to her later to spread a rumor that me and Antonio already knew our "relationship" was going to be rocky, and we broke up suddenly because the stress and lack of connection was in the way. Surely, this would sound believable for the dumbasses in this school.

I gave it a few seconds, for the whole scene to be burned into the minds of everyone watching. And then I opened my eyes and scowled at them all, crossing my arms and just hoping that they got the point. "Hey, move along! There's nothing to see!"

Varying expressions appeared on everyone's faces. Soon enough, just about everyone except for Feliciano and Brigida were walking away still murmuring to themselves. Before I could make a futile attempt to speak properly and humanly to Brigida for a change, my stupid _fratello _ran up and clung to my arm, near bouncing on his feet. I glared coldly at him.

"Ve! Lovino! The rumors were true after all...?"

"Of course they weren't!" I seethed, jerking my body away from him and out of his hold. Seriously, Feliciano should stop hanging onto other guys like a girl would! It's just...wrong on many levels. "Look, idiot, me and Antonio faked that to make everyone drop these rumors and I can get my reputation back to where it was originally."

"He's right." Brigida walked up to the both of us, her and Feliciano happily exchanged simple greetings and I could feel my fucking knees begin to buckle when my eyes met hers. And my gaze remained fixated on the flooring. "I'm friends with Antonio, I actually used to live in Spain for a few years."

"Ve? Are you from Spain? Your name is..."

"Haha, actually, I'm from Belgium originally. It's complicated to explain, but maybe I'll tell you the whole story later on, okay? Antonio just calls me Brigida because he thinks it suits be better, and I agree."

"Ve~ That makes sense! Well, I'm Lovino's _fratello_! Feliciano."

"It's nice to meet you." I glanced at my wrist as if I was wearing a watch and was checking the time, seriously, how much longer could Feliciano and Brigida maintain a useless conversation like this? "Oh, wait, haven't I seen you one time a week ago? When you barged into that empty classroom when me and Lovino were talking?"

"Yes! I remember you now! Ve~ I hope we get to talk again."

"Same here, if you're related then I should probably get to know you both well." I looked up, surprised by what she said. The only thing I could hear was some fucking annoying 'thump, thump, thump'-ing from my heart. Damn, I wish I wouldn't react so weird when she compliments me! She turned to me with a smile and I got a full view of the sparkles dancing in her eyes. "I need to be leaving so I can pick up some groceries for my brother, but I just want you to know that I'm glad I could help you! And, tell that to Antonio for me too, okay? I'm sure that now the rumors and unfortunate implications should be a thing of the past! Bye!"

Me and Feliciano watched until she had ran out of our sight. She must have really needed to be getting those groceries she was talking about. She has told me before that her brother would get pissed off when she was ever late for something. Well, anyway, once she left, Feliciano turned to me with a smile.

"Ve~ she's a nice girl." Such an understatement...wait, what?

"Uh-huh." I quickly looked away, before the damn red color flooded my cheeks again. Even the topic if that girl alone made me so nervous and stripped of composure. I hate it when that happens!

"Not to mention pretty too~!" I began to walk off, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. I kept my head down, the redness once again filled my cheeks hotly but my expression remained sour like usual. Unfortunately, he started to walk alongside me as he chuckled like the idiot I'm positive he is. "Hey, you're around her a lot, Lovino. Do you like her?"

...Yeah, that question was never answered. Because I simply ignored it altogether. There was no way I could even gather the conclusion in my head because I just...don't know how I feel. I want to believe I fell nothing at all, because we're both so different and deep down...maybe I'm not a likeable person. Anyway, furiously blushing, I just exited the school and stepped out into the cool air. I needed to be alone for a while.

Just as soon as it happened, my problems were most likely going to be over. Maybe everyone else believes we really did have a short-lived relationship, but now, maybe they'll realize that there is nothing going on between us and there never will be in this lifetime – or any time for that matter.

So why? Why did I still feel like the drama in my life wasn't settled quite yet? And the biggest question I have floating through my head is why it all seems to come back to Brigida and that Spanish bastard? I sighed aloud and walked over to that large tree...the one that I had caught Antonio reading you at the other day after the affects of our collision. Setting the backpack beside me on the left I stretched my limbs before bringing them closer and wrapping my arms around my legs.

And then, like usual, the Spanish bastard himself had wordlessly walked up to me and took a seat underneath the big-ass tree beside me. When I shifted my eyes to glance at him, he smiled a tiny goofy smile as per usual. But no words were exchanged.

We sat there for several goddamn awkward seconds and could hear the bell ring in the school. Pretty soon, the doors flung open and just about everyone fled the school and either went down the sidelines of the streets or piled into the bus. It really just depended since this is a small town and buildings and homes are closer together than you'd assume. But still, nothing was said between us.

Now that I think about it more, maybe it really was awkward for him. After all, when you take the fact that he just finished faking a "break up" in front of everyone, and then not even bring it up afterward, it just seems so fucking weird to be around the other person.

Now, I just wasn't used to him being so silent. I turned my head to him and gave him an annoyed glance when he met my eyes. "Why the hell are you so quiet all of a sudden?"

"No reason." Antonio put his hands behind his head and leaned back against the bark of the tree. I wasn't looking at him or anything, just looking up at the clear sky overhead. "Um...I hope we were convincing back there."

"**No, you were so fucking convincing that you actually made my heart ache, you dumbass."** - that would have been my response to that. But this time, I just kept my mouth shut for a change. He would think that I was just attempting to compliment him. Which isn't true, I just hate it when dumbass people don't realize they are better at something than what they think. Settling on a simple, wordless shake of my head, I sighed. Hopefully he had gotten the message I was sending him.

"You know," Antonio sighed and smiled longingly, shifting his gaze to the clear sky above us. "This is somewhat hard to admit, but I haven't found someone that I really loved. I know there's still a chance I will find that person in the future. Everyone has that one person somewhere waiting to encounter and the sparks fly."

"Of course there is." I muttered, glancing away. "Unless you're me, then you basically don't have much of a chance with anyone."

Antonio blinked, obviously in disbelief as he turned and gazed at me. I, meanwhile, tensed up and my eyes widened a tad. Damn, I didn't mean to say that audibly! It just fucking slipped out!

"Lovi...what makes you think that?" He inched a little closer to me, offering a bright and almost contagious smile. I could only stare at this, what the hell was he planning? "Hmm, you're a little grumpy and you have such a short fuse. Still; you're pretty cute and I'm sure that you have to be nicer deep down."

I took in what he just said, my eyes widened and I probably looked so goddamn idiotically surprised by it. I couldn't help it, I was genuinely flattered deep down and that same sick feeling in my chest returned. Nobody ever really says things like this to me, I never give them a reason,

Before I could hide my true reaction to those words and force on a scowl to make the bastard realize he shouldn't just say things like that out here like this, he took me by surprise again. I bet you expected me to say that, right? Well, he really did.

Antonio continued to inch closer, I swallowed and my eyes shifted back to the school building to make sure that no one was eavesdropping. We already had this chaos with the rumors put behind us and I didn't need some other asshole come along and start up more gossip! At least...everyone was basically gone and it was just the two of us...alone...

Oh God, was this REALLY good? Now that I think about it, being alone with someone like him isn't the best place to be. Especially since he's always giving me these confusing messages and signals...

If he was going to try and sneak in another kiss, I was prepared to either punch him in his annoying face or kick him in the balls (I swear, I'm going to have to do that to him one of these days if he keeps attempting to put the moves on me. Whether he admits it bluntly or not). However, he finally mentioned, "Maybe the person you're talking about isn't far away. If you would open your eyes clearly, take a good look, perhaps the answer is right there in front of you, Lovi."

I just stared. But during this long moment of fucking stupid staring, I noticed the faintest shade of pink dart across his face as he chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck, adding awkwardly, "But it's not like I'm trying to HINT at anything. I just...ah..."

Afterward, I just tried my damn hardest not to wonder what he could possibly mean. He doesn't even know me, dammit! There's no way that he could...have THOSE kind of feelings for me and vice versa because we've only known each other for a week! If I WAS going to fall for someone, this person definitely wouldn't be an oblivious bastard like him! And why am I even saying this...? Humph, it isn't like I ever will develop these feelings because I'm POSITIVE they never will arise and I'm going to be out on my own forever.

After our little encounter that I could have lived without having, I rushed home. Fuming, blushing, and trying not to smile in the process. I was just so conflicted about what he said, those words wouldn't leave my head no matter how hard I denied that they were so effective in catching me off guard! The rest of the night was nondescript, I luckily didn't have to go to work at the cafe that afternoon and see that bastard again, so I mostly just ate dinner in pleasant silence (what, with Feliciano out with someone. He wasn't acting lovestruck and his head wasn't even more up in the clouds. So I assumed he thankfully was not with the potato bastard this time). Took a long and warm shower, carelessly did a little homework, and lied onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling as I listened to my MP3 on shuffle.

…

Hmm. Nothing really interesting happened today like it did the other day. The rumors and gossip have died down and are destroyed, no one is murmuring and giggling behind my back or commenting with a smirk about how I'm "losing my religion", and Feliciano has been a pest as usual. Classes were typical and Francis and Arthur have had their daily quarrels in the halls, and Antonio was at my side acting as if the world was all bright and sunny and nothing negative had happened between us lately. However, no one even gave us a second look when we were together. Perfect.

It seems like things are finally going to be calming down a little bit. Pfft, but don't think that I'm going to be all happy about it. With all these fucking idiots and craziness in my world, there probably will be more drama moving in faster than I can manage. Damn.

The entry ends here until tomorrow night after I return home from my shift at the cafe. And deal with my douchebag of a manager, the Spanish bastard, Tino, the other two employees-whatever-the-hell-their-names-are, and having to clean up against my will. See you then.

_. . . . ._

To Be Continued

_. . . . ._

_**MidnightSakuraBlossom18: ***Wipes the sweat from her brow* Damn, that was quite a long chapter, huh? But, it's all good in the end because now these stupid rumors and gossip around the school are ceasing to exist! It's not like...they were somewhat true after all, with maybe Lovino actually liking the "Spanish bastard" a little bit more than what he thinks, am I right? *Hint hint* ;D_

_But is it just me, or did it seem a little too easy to pull off the fake break-up? This can only mean that more drama is going to overcome our favorite tsundere Italian and it will be tougher to get out of the mess! :O_

_I hope I can update soon. Maybe over this upcoming weekend, I can get started on wri-typing it up. Until then, I hope that you like the chapter/entry! Read and review, or else I may just lose my creative flow!_


	13. Entry 14

_. . . . ._

January 16th, Entry 14

Current Location: My Bedroom, 11:00 PM

Notes: The page before was just another page of my fucking terrible drawings. I swear, why do I even try and draw at all? Feliciano's always been so much more artistic than I am and it really pisses me off to admit it. Oh, and someone give me some bleach for my brain; I just caught my stupid _Fratello _previously singing some random song happily as he cooked some pasta. I asked him why the fuck he was doing this at ten and he responded that he was going to prepare some in advance because him and Ludwig were going to go out tomorrow at the park and have lunch together.

...Why do I have the strangest urge to get a gun and follow them on their little lunch date? If you say I'm just jealous, I'll find some way to murder you in your sleep if you happen to be someone reading this against my knowledge.

_. . . . ._

Antonio,

Dammit, today was so exhausting. But I bet, if you've been reading this against my knowledge by this point, you more than likely already figured it out. Wait...does this mean that someone is actually fucking reading it when I'm not here...?

Enough of this crap. Let's just move on to the description of what happened on this eventful Friday. Shall we?

The day started off pretty much the same as it usually does. I stirred up from my sleep and nice dream of Brigida's smiling face and I was just about to walk up to her and succeed in making a long and fascinating conversation when Feliciano just about jumped up onto my bed and happily announced it was morning. Ugh, damn him. Because of him and his stupid cheerful attitude, I'll never know if I was going to succeed in speaking with Brigida or not! And don't you dare think that me continuously having dreams about the Belgian girl means that I...Ihavefeelingsforher or something crazy like that! She's a good person and not bad to look at, and she seems to want to be on friendly terms with me. Even though I could most likely have any girl in this entire country that I wanted, I don't need anyone at all.

So I awoke grumpy and irritable as usual. But at least I managed to get a little bit more sleep since I crashed early last night. Sometimes I feel so exhausted and have this overpowering urge to curl up and take a nice and long _siesta_. It would be very nice one of these days. I'll have to make a mental note to take one tomorrow sometime.

Anyway, most of the morning was a typical blur. On the way to school, me and Feliciano encountered the potato-loving bastard and after some sugary sweet, God-you-two-go-get-a-fucking-room, sickening talk, he insisted that he join us on the walk and maybe me and him could find some way to get along and be friends. Pffff- oh yeah, like I would really wake up one morning and decide to start being nice to that bastard! That would never happen even if my own life depended on it!

And to my anger, we all ended up walking together to the school. From the corners of my eyes, I could see Feliciano laughing and chatting as he clung to his goddamn irritating overly-muscular arm and he was keeping a straight face...despite the fact it was starting to turn a shade of pink. Humph, I don't give a damn about their relationship. But...I do know that it's obvious they're head over heels crazy about the other and really want to get together. The only thing that's holding them back would be me and my unfair and unexplained disapproval and hatred. I like things as they are, to be honest.

Feli chatted with no end in sight. The topic varying rapidly and I could barely follow it. It wasn't that I couldn't understand or was actually joining in. But I was just so pissed off by the fact he kept explaining how me, Antonio, and Brigida teamed up together to get rid of those stupid rumors that had spread around the school. He didn't have to go into so much detail! He just doesn't know even enough is enough, does he?

Thankfully, we arrived at the school pretty quickly. Feliciano happily exchanged goodbyes with me and just about dragged the potato bastard elsewhere. I don't know where they went off to, and I wanted to stalk after them before realizing that it would be ridiculous. Besides, I just knew that I would probably have to deal with that fucking annoying Antonio still making his attempts to befriend me. Which, for your information, will not be happening in this lifetime!

I entered the building, wearing a typical sour look. And to my relief, everyone was not paying much attention to me. Sure, some idiots would glance over and murmur to someone at their side, but it wasn't bad at all. As much as I HATE admitting it, I really do owe both Brigida and Antonio for doing their part in this plan. Maybe it was humiliating, but I feel like a weight's been lifted off now that everything is all said and done.

Perhaps now, I can get my life back in order. Humph, well that's what I assumed at first. Which was a huge mistake on my part, I had no idea that things would only begin to get worse and worse and it couldn't ever be put back in it's original place.

Just like any other day, nothing all that interesting happened. Typical encounters with Antonio between and during classes, trying to break up Feliciano's moments alone with that potato bastard, getting caught in between Francis and Arthur's annoying arguments that went pretty much nowhere, and having to endure the agony of listening to Alfred ramble loudly after I merely told him to get my math test that had accidentally fallen to the floor of the classroom. I hadn't once seeing Brigida, which was strange because she usually tends to pop up at the most unexpected times.

Of course, I later overheard from Feliciano, when we both happened to be in the library doing some research for some fucking long history test coming up next week, that she had caught a sickness recently and it was taking it's toll on her today so she was out. And even if I tried to hide it...

There's no denying that I was just a little bit concerned for her. I mean, you better not misunderstand what I'm saying here! I have no problem with hunting you down and slicing your fucking head off! She's just...she's...oh what the hell am I trying to say here? She's just one of the very few people on my list that I don't hate! Are we clear now? We better be...

Anyway, me and Feliciano's conversation after that was irrelevant. Now I'm going to go into detail about what kind of encounter that me and Antonio had as we were leaving the school and walking down the streets...unfortunately at the same pace and side by side. We most likely really looked contrasting to strangers passing by, due to the fact that I was looking pissed off as always and he was acting very cheerful as if the world was in harmony and all was good.

I was very annoyed, he wouldn't shut the hell up no matter what. And it was just ridiculous to have him at my side like this; did he just never get enough of my moody self? We basically see each other every day now, to my misfortune...

I had to go to the nearest store and pick up some things. Basically just food-related things. But I also had to pick some personal stuff as well. And I didn't want this fucking annoying bastard to be tagging alongside me and butting into my life. Even though he already does that enough already.

"So...is it okay if I come along with you, Lovi?"

"Hell no. I don't want to have to see your stupid face while I'm trying to pick up some things!"

"Hey, I have some things to pick up as well! Let's just do it together~!"

I could feel my eye twitching repeatedly after he had said this. And as usual, he broke me down with that stupid smile he always wears. I would love to punch that thing right off his fucking face sometimes; but then again, I would probably not be able to seeing as though it's like a natural part of him.

But choice did I have here? He was suspiciously very eager to tag along and he would never leave me the fuck alone. So...with a final eye twitch, I muttered that he could come.

"I knew that would break you down!" He began to walk after me, eventually catching up when I was so sure I would be able to make it down the side of the street. "And, ah, there's something we need to talk about. But, that can wait until we arrive at the store. Come on!" Somehow, and I don't know how, he started walking fast ahead of me and reached out for my wrist, pulling me alone with him.

And at that contact, at that damn contact, my face began to feel way more hotter than what it should have been. I started to recall – against my will of course – the other day when we were leaving class and had collided with each other and had tried to gather the books that had fallen. Because I didn't want the nosy bastard to read you (Spoiler: he fucking did it anyway). Our hands had brushed somewhat and yet I didn't really care much about it. But all of a sudden, after spontaneously thinking about it, I realized that left more of an impact.

Antonio is so oblivious though. He didn't even notice how flustered I probably (unfortunately) looked. Wait, maybe, this was a good thing after all! Because the last thing that I want him to do is take notice when I'm embarrassed about something! I swear, I just about lost the remains of my cool and reacted violently the last few times that he just had to point out how vividly I blushed.

As we made our way through town, my gaze was locked on him solely. I was mostly pissed off about him catching me off guard and I know that he probably knew fully well I was looking. But I also was able to see him more...I don't know, closer. I could clearly see how dark his hair was, how it looked messy and somewhat curled in places, his neck and shoulders that were a nice tan color, it was...

I can't explain the feeling. It's just...I guess I hadn't noticed in a few days how (I'm going to fucking hate myself in the morning for actually thinking this) good he actually looks. That's why so many girls in the school are crazy about him and always having to converse about him. Which he apparently enjoys. Admittedly, the first time I laid my eyes on the bastard, I was caught off guard by his looks. And since those rumors of us have risen up and I was so pissed off and trying to stop them, I hadn't been very observant on anything.

I probably sound...stupid for even saying all this though. Don't think for a second that he makes me act like a lovesick girl! Because that isn't true at all! He's merely like Brigida, they both just DISTRACT me...

He was babbling about some stupid crap while we traveled through town. The one-sided conversation quickly alternated with today's lessons, my hair curl and how "odd" it was (I'm glad he forgot about that subject quickly), Feliciano and how Brigida has mentioned she wanted to get to know him some time, me, Feliciano again, me, Tino and his relationship with that scary Swedish guy he lives with, and finally back to me. Of course, he ceased his talking altogether once he noticed we had just stepped into the building.

"I didn't mean to talk so much..." He tried to explain, apparently nervous judging by the way he was chuckling and rubbing the back of his neck. I just sighed and jerked my wrist out of his hold.

"Humph, I can only hope no one got the wrong idea by seeing you dragging me through town as if I had no free will." I muttered bitterly, crossing my arms over my chest and leaning against this nearby cardboard poster of some new movie coming out.

"Lovi..." I blinked, twice in fact, and turned to give him a mildly-fazed look. When I turned my head and fully got a glimpse of his stupid face, I was surprised to see a briefly hazy look in his eyes. I didn't like it.

He must have known I was staring. Because he suddenly dropped the topic without reason and his lips curved into a smile. Only...if you tilted your head a certain way, maybe stood at a different angle, you could see that his fucking stupid smile was maybe not as natural as usual. And this is still strangely worrying me...why would his usual persona fade for such a brief amount of time? Was it the topic?

...Or did I say the wrong thing for a change?

Well, I'll make a mental note to find out later. There is no need to let my damn emotions and concern get the best of me like Feliciano does. I'm not supposed to give a fuck about Antonio.

"Anyway, we should get started picking up those 'things' we need." He looked around the area for a brief amount of time, probably trying to avoid my doubtful expression that was looking at him. This store that we were in was fairly big and had lots of aisles, so finding what we were looking for would be a bit of a challenge.

To make matters even more fucking worse, Antonio would be at my side – most likely having to comment about the items and then try and make me respond by making up some ridiculous, retarded story about things that he has done with them.

Of course, the things that I needed to get was basically: tomatoes, paper towels, cold medicine (No one is sick...but...I...am...not...taking...any...fucking...chances...I'm going to be prepared for the next round), and a card to add minutes to my cellphone. That's it. How would Antonio make up some tale that is relevant to these items? Oh, don't be so sure that he couldn't. I think I know how he is. And it...kills me to admit that.

I tried to evade the guy by simply walking away as fast as possible. Which failed miserably, because he caught up and suddenly asked me why I was heading over to where the produce was. And, sighing and trying not to get irritated that easily, I stated that I had to pick up some tomatoes. And left it at that. He didn't press this time.

Once arriving at where the produce was located, I scanned the selection carefully for the tomatoes. I saw several that were good, others were somewhat spoiled, and one or two looked so goddamn disgraceful. This was killing me, a lot of them looked pretty tasty and that reminded me that I was starving.

Strange enough, Antonio was right at my side staring at them as lovingly as I was. And when I questioned him on what the fuck he was doing, he simply replied without even turning his gaze to me, "I really like tomatoes. They're so tasty, especially ones that are grown and just turned red and right off the plant. Back home, my family grew them at just the right times and we used them in several dishes...ah..."

Now he was actually bringing up a topic that I was interested in. I think my usual grumpy expression actually broke a little. It fucking better not have. "Tomatoes are actually very good. Me and Feliciano have this neighbor in the apartment building that grows tomatoes and she sometimes shares them."

"She sounds like a nice neighbor to have. On another note, is she..."

"She's forty-two and married to this extremely tall guy who always walks around looking like he hates the world. No, she isn't your fucking type."

"Oh. Well, anyway," Antonio looked back at the tomatoes and I assumed he was about to change the topic again. I'm actually glad, because I hate talking about that moody asshole that me and Feliciano's neighbor is married to. "So," He grasped a bright red tomato, it didn't even look all that spoiled. Dammit, I wish I had grabbed it when I had the chance... "What are you planning on doing with the tomatoes, Lovi?"

"Do you have to ask such a fucking stupid question like that?" I rolled my eyes and went back to scanning the selection of tomatoes. "Most likely, I'll eat them as they are. I've always had a strange like...okay, maybe obsession with them. But actually, I was also going to add a lot into this new pasta dish that I wanted to try out."

I didn't expect Antonio to respond, but he did with a surprised, "You cook?"

"Yes. Both me and Feliciano cook, but I usually add a lot more tomatoes and try to include a large variety of flavors." I don't know why I was suddenly being more talkative about the cooking topic, but here I was sounding more into the conversation that I sure as hell swore I wouldn't do. "Overall, we work our asses off trying to prepare the stuff because we make it all homemade and don't use trash like those fucking ridiculous instant ingredients."

Antonio was into the conversation as well. Which is a huge understatement; he was most likely very into it because this is officially the most conversation that the both of us have shared that wasn't one-sided violent or weird. He smiled and nodded in approval. "I like how you're so passionate about this kind of topic, Lovi. I haven't ever seen you act this way before it suits you well..."

At the time, I barely caught what he had babbled in his state of admiration and approval. Because I was so busy ranting about the true way to cook. Customers were most likely staring at me in confusion, but I didn't give a fuck about them. "Of COURSE I'm passionate about it! You can't just add some instant crap and think for a second that you made a fantastic meal. It's so fucking disgusting and just not right at all, when you add in fresh things and make everything yourself – even when you're like me and sometimes fail to complete the work through and through – is when it's truly good food. You HAVE to be so fucking passionate about it!"

And I wasn't just blurting all of that out being lost in the moment. I really do believe that unless it's all made from utter, raw scratch, then it is it really at it's best. Living over here, it makes me so damn sick to think that all of these so-called ingredients are just a bunch of instant, processed crap that dumbass people actually throw together and eat! Ugh, for the love of God, you have to have some passion about it! This doubles for the fruits and vegetables that get soiled by all the mess the farmers shower over them believing that it will make the plant sprout up from the dirt faster or the crop taste better. It just pisses me off.

"You make some good points." Antonio interrupted during my rant. I was almost thankful for this, as stupid people around the two of us were beginning to be bold and stare...at me of all things. If looks could kill, they would have been shot and six feet under the earth. Anyway, he tossed the tomato into my awaiting hands and I met his eyes and blinked. "I like the way you think. Do you remember when I read through some of your diary that one time?"

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BRINGING THAT UP...?"

"Now, now, there's no need to raise your voice." I bet that at this point, I was once again scowling at him out of absolute anger and, unfortunately, embarrassment. I still hate that he had the nerve to read you that day. "You see, I read some scribbled out parts of your entries; I could make out that you talked of how 'Feliciano is better at this than I am', 'I can't do a goddamn thing right', 'Why can't I ever be successful in something I do?', but I'm feeling like those things aren't as true as you think."

"That's...that's personal, you bastard! I can't believe I'm actually putting up with you following me here!" I huffed, folding my arms over my chest and looking away. I couldn't look at his stupid face, it was too embarrassing. The fact that he actually made out those stupid rants of how inferior I feel most of the time. "What I was just passionately ranting about have to do with my thoughts of my comparison to Felicaino?"

"I'm just trying to tell you that..." Suddenly, a serious look flashed over Antonio's face. I didn't expect that one. "You don't have to feel inferior. Because in reality, you have some good qualities."

I couldn't believe that he...really just said that I had good qualities. This was so fucking surprising that I was sure I froze up at hearing the words leave his mouth, my rage actually subsiding for a change. I didn't even notice that all of the stupid onlookers in the background were actually starting to return back to whatever the hell they had been doing previously. Words escaped me...this was the first time that someone praised me like that.

My face reddened. I could feel it. But I refused to give him the satisfaction and let him see the effect his surprisingly honest and complimenting words, and hide my face.

Judging by the way his lips curved and formed a very amused smirk, it didn't take much to know that he really did see what he did to me. Fuck.

"Tch," I just gathered the tomatoes into a plastic bag and deliberately looked away from the annoying bastard. He may have seen how that genuine compliment effected me, but there was no way I would let him bring that up. More than likely, he would let it all go to this head. "Stop trying to make me feel important. I don't have any fucking inferiority complex, if THAT'S what you're thinking!"

"That denial was pretty specific." Antonio pointed out, sliding up next to me and flashing me a look of concern. The concern seemed genuine, but I was just too pissed off and yet somewhat flattered to able to look at him directly in the eyes. After all that we have been talking about, it may be difficult for me to ever be able to hold eye contact for too long of time. Tch, not like I would want to anyway. "And if you were to ask me about my personal thoughts, I notice you do act like you're inferior to Feliciano. And those diary entries were all the proof that I needed."

My free hand began to twitch, just like my eye. I felt like losing it and swiveling around to cuss him out for staying on this fucking stupid topic me having some nonexistent inferiority complex! Just because I sometimes compare me and Feliciano at random times, reflect on how successful he is when it comes to getting people to like and notice him, and is so great at cooking, drawing, ect, that doesn't mean that I feel extremely inferior and not even in his league!

Besides, I didn't give a fuck about what Antonio's diagnoses. He barely knows me and I barely know him. That's all there is to it.

Seeing as though I finally had the damn tomatoes I needed, I brushed past Antonio and began to make my way over to the next section of the store. Wherever the paper products where at. And I hoped that I could evade the bastard, but instead, he just followed closely at my side as if he was forbidden to even leave it.

I swear, one of these days I'm going to have to make some sort of restraining order against Antonio if he keeps this up.

"Well, anyway, can I try some of the pasta that you make?" Antonio very randomly asked me once we started out journey to the section for the damned paper products. I had briefly blinked at his question, he seemed to be seriously wanting to have some.

My answer was delayed. Because I had to really think over my decision. I don't know how the food may turn out seeing as though it's somewhat complicated to prepare. If it turns out to be a fucking failure, the last thing I want is to embarrass myself by having the bastard eat it anyway. If I were to agree, and maybe the pasta would turn out tasty, he may never leave me alone and always ask me to make something for him.

I was screwed either way. And I just fucking knew it.

He clasped his hands together and eyed me curiously during my lengthy pause. Seeing as though I hadn't much of a damn choice, I managed to respond through gritted teeth, "If it will get you to just shut up for once, you can eat the fucking pasta whenever I make it."

As I expected, his face lit up like the town at night and there was that brilliant smile of his. "Thank you so much, Lovi~!"

I folded my arms over my chest and put on a pouty facial expression once noticing that some nerdy guy was passing by us and daring to raise a brow at how contrasting we both looked in appearance – what, with the way he was a mess of bubbly happiness and I couldn't have looked more irritated.

"Stop acting like such an idiot, it's not that big of a deal." I deadpanned. Hopefully, killing the mood before the bastard did something ridiculous; like attacking me in a hug in public. I sighed irritatedly and once again cornered one of the food aisles with him tagging along behind me with child-like curiosity. "Now, forget the topic and let me shop for some stuff IN PEACE."

To my irritation, exhaustion, and mild public humiliation, Antonio would not leave me alone as I was gathering the rest of the items I came here to the damn store for. I had to suffer him constantly talking about things that didn't matter at all and he was trying to get back to either the subject of my nonexistent inferiority complex or the homemade pasta that he was going to try out. It was enough to make me feel like reaching out for one of the nearby shopping carts and just kick his ass with it!

When I was skimming the racks for a minute card, all was peacefully silent. If only for a moment, I was sure that the Spaniard had decided to go annoy the shit out of someone else for a change. Then he suddenly pounced onto me from behind. I had struggled to get out of his hold and once free, my face twisted into an evil scowl and I harshly questioned him on why the fuck he did something so insane and sudden. He merely replied with a chuckle that he had just seen a TV for sale that had a few scenes of some homosexual romantic comedy playing and the love interest to the main character did this same thing to him from behind. I could feel my eye go into a twitch spasm.

Once I retraced my steps to the paper products (the reason for the backtracking is way too fucking long and complicated to explain, so don't bother wondering about it), I grabbed the first thing I could find without really paying much attention to the name. And then Antonio went into some coughing fit...I almost called him out on that, telling him to go do something about his fucking annoying choking. But then I caught on to the fact it was all so he could get my attention. When I asked what was wrong, he "helpfully" redirected me to another brand that would be better. And then he somehow...fucking somehow started talking about some things that he saw Ludwig and Feliciano together around the school. I don't even want to know how the hell that was related to the paper towels; unless there is some sort of sexual implications behind that. Nevertheless, I still need some brain bleach for even thinking about my stupid _fratello_ doing that kind of stuff with the potato bastard in my absence...

And finally, I made it over to where the cold medicine was located. I just want to be prepared because my stupid doctor told me the last time I saw him that my body's defenses are weak or something like that and it's easy for me to get sick during these times. The unusually freezing and rainy weather isn't really helping that at all. So I got the stuff and was surprised to no longer see Antonio at my side. And he was nowhere in my sight. I decided to take delight in the fact, but then soon noticed it didn't feel the same not having him constantly smiling like the oblivious idiot he is and chatting about topics that don't matter.

So, very hesitantly, I made up my mind to look around for him. He probably didn't know his way around the store considering that he's recently came over here. And for a brief moment, I realized that maybe he was staying so close to be like a pathetically lost puppy was because he needed someone to guide him around. If that was true...then perhaps I was becoming too harsh on him.

Don't...don't take this the wrong way though! I found him soon enough around the corner and discarded my moment of sympathy very fast. His back was to me so I didn't get a good look at what he was skimming over on the shelves until I sighed and slipped up to his side. When he turned and I got a good view of the item in his hands...

I'm sure that my eyes widened and near popped from the sockets.

"W-what the hell are you doing looking at condoms of all things?" I TRIED to snap. However, I was too startled that it came out as more of a sputter. Damn.

I don't know why I was the one being startled. Antonio didn't seem to be the least bit embarrassed at all, though he did react somewhat surprised at seeing me suddenly standing at his side. He should have reacted at least a little bit more, dammit! I mean, I don't give a damn about his personal life AT ALL I once heard somewhere that most of the people who have sex for the first time (or maybe in his case, repeated times), end up doing it in their teens. I just haven't considered because I haven't found the right person for me and don't intend on ever finding her...or him? (HIM? WHAT THE FUCK?)

Antonio went on to explain the situation to me. However, he seemed to be very vague with the details as if he was trying to hide something. Why the hell would be try and hide something; considering the fact that he blabs everything and anything to me? Well, here's how the conversation went...

"You aren't planning on getting laid are you?" I managed to ask with an eyebrows raise. And, honestly, that question is so fucking embarrassing in hindsight. I despise hindsight so much.

"Ah...maybe?" I scoffed. "Well, I can't really...find an easy way to explain this..."

"Are you suggesting that you haven't had sex before?" The words just all came out, and I couldn't hold back that question. I was so fucking curious about the subject now that he seemed to be pretty laid back about the predicament.

"No, not really." Antonio thought for a moment, looking away as he obviously recalled something. "I had sex for the first time three years ago and the second was five months afterward." He once again grabbed the box and almost carelessly shifted it around in his hand with a smirk forming on the corners of his lips. "Why are you so curious, Lovi?"

My cheeks instantly felt like they were being scorched by the heat rushing into them and yet, I forced an annoyed expression and crossed my arms over my chest as I usually did in this type of situation. "It just seems strange for someone – who has only been in the US for two or three days and barely knows anyone at all – would enter a store and get condoms. Unless of course, you have some kind of secret life going on..."

If the bastard did have some kind of secret life going on, then I wanted to be the last person to have to ever hear about it. Well, I guess it doesn't matter if he's somewhat experienced with sex. Isn't the legal age over there in Spain thirteen anyway? That's what Google told me – pfft, yeah like that crap is trustworthy...

"Well, the part about not knowing anyone isn't true." Antonio interjected with a smile, and he proceeded to count with his free hand as I sighed irritatedly and leaned against the shelf. "I know your brother, Brigida, Brigida's brother Lars, Gilbert, Francis, and above all: you." Oh great. He knew two of the biggest perverts in school. Why do I feel like I foreshadowed something about them all together a few entries back?

"Out of all these people, who are you going to have sex with? It better NOT be me – there's no way I would comply!" I just needed that last statement to be perfectly clear and straight to the point. I really wouldn't comply.

To my surprise, Antonio glanced at the floor, apparently thinking about what his answer to the interrogation would be. And I almost felt like I would never get that response I wanted. Though, at long last, he laughed nervously and scratched the back of his neck. "Lovi, I would love to tell you everything. But...she specifically said for me to not let word of this get out. And almost began to plead. Look, we should probably go check out our stuff."

…SHE, huh? That really interested me, seeing as though the secretive bastard has been showing obvious signs of being attracted to me and trying to flirt at any given chance in the short time we've known each other. I tried to not get too paranoid, and tried to narrow all of this down to the one realistic and logical conclusion but it was such a fucking challenge. Could he just be leading me on? Is there some stupid bitch in his life that he somehow knows and bangs?

My head was spinning and I was too damn curious for my own good. I couldn't let him off this easily without getting more information about why he was buying condoms and who this mysterious girl was.

And he tried to walk away, trying to evade my interrogation. But once he turned away with the items he was here shopping for in hand, my free hand reached out and grasped the sleeve over his upper arm. "There's something that you're hiding from me."

"Lovi," Antonio sighed, maybe exasperated. And he turned and met my serious gaze locked on him. Turing around fully, his eyes softened for a fleeting moment and then he returned to his default smiling face that I just want to bash in with my fist most of the time. "Unless you're jealous, there's no reason for you to be concerned about this. Wait, ARE you jealous?"

I scowled and used my free hand to give him a quick, probably not all that powerful due to the fact I was desperate, smack to his arm. And when he blinked and rubbed the targeted area, I glanced down and turned away as I clutched my items closely. "How could you even suggest that I'd be fucking jealous of all things...? Don't answer that question. Just work with me and tell me the real reason why you want to be secretive all of a sudden?"

"...It's too complicated, Lovi." Antonio murmured, for once looking at least a little bit serious. But I highly doubt he realized just how curious and frustrated that I was becoming the longer that this conversation dragged on. And we were probably making quite the scene for the fucking nosy guys passing by and sending mildly caring expressions. "Listen to me, you'll find out all about the situation in time. But right now, I need to go check out. Why don't we finish this trip together?" He took his free hand and extended it towards me.

There's no telling how long I had still stood there glaring at his outstretched hand that was just begging to be taken and then lead away to the next destination. It's complicated to go into detail with...but a part of me kind of wanted to gladly take it. The other was totally against that disgusting thought that dared to enter my mind.

Guess which part won in the end. That's unfortunately correct: the first one. Almost hesitantly on purpose, I took his fucking hand seeing as though he would probably just drag me along anyway. His face lit up once again and I could have sworn that my heart skipped a beat. (What? It's not like I have some kind of pleasure in seeing him the definition of happiness!)

The condoms and being secretive didn't come up in the conversation as Antonio led me throughout the store the way we came all the way back to the registers. But something still didn't feel right and I couldn't figure out what it was exactly. Is there more to this story than what the secretive bastard is revealing? More than likely. And I swear that I will find out all about it.

But before that happens, I'll need to do some investigating and prying. I can't miss any chance to find out some pieces of information. And if I have to, I'll try and find a way to speak humanly and casually to Brigida and have her get the information from him herself.

…

I don't know what to think of the time that me and Antonio had together. I was very exhausted and annoyed when all was said and done. But also very confused, curious, and furious. On the walk back to our homes, I managed to at least find out where he was staying.

Fate just had to be a bitch again. As a twist of fate: it turns out that Antonio is temporarily staying at the same apartment building as me and Feliciano! That was why he followed me all the way back! And it turns out that his place is just one floor above ours... ugh, things just get worse and worse. When he discovered that me and Feliciano live there as well, the happiness was really radiating off of him then and he was obviously thrilled about the mere thought.

Why do these fucking unfair things always happen to me? I don't need to be living in the same building as this bastard; there's no telling how long he'll be over here in this country and for the rest of his time, he'll most likely be annoying the crap out of me! Since the whole awkward situation involving the condoms and him being secretive, I doubt that out nonexistent relationship will even be the same.

I swear, if the bastard comes knocking on out door every goddamn morning, I am so going to kick him in the balls and then slam the door in his face.

Now I not only have to see his stupid face at school, and the cafe, and around town, but also in the apartment building! God, what did I do to deserve this endless amount of torment and suffering? Is my life just cursed or something?

I can't think of anything else to write, and my hand is killing me. Besides; nothing else noteworthy happened today around the apartment, or at my shift at the cafe. So the entry ends here for now. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to write again. See you then.

_. . . . ._

To Be Continued

_. . . . ._

_**There is no excuse for me to have gone this long without writing the next freaking chapter! I apologize for the long wait, but I have just been incredibly busy with college work, my new job (God knows how long I can keep it), writing other remaining chapters, hanging out with friends and my boyfriend, catching up on my video games, cleaning the house, visiting my parents for old time's sake, preparing for Thanksgiving, and getting ready for Christmas shopping.**_

_**I'm honestly lucky that I haven't cracked under pressure yet. But I have supportive and understanding(...?) people in my life. Like my BFF StormofyourDestiny whom is constantly breathing down my neck about this fanfiction. ^_^'**_

_**Now, what will happen with Lovi now? And why the hell is Antonio being so secretive and buying condoms? Meanwhile, what kind of awkwardness will ensue now that they both are aware they've been living in the same apartment and are only one floor away from each other? Well, we don't know yet. So you'll just have to stay tuned in~!**_

_**Comments and criticism are appreciated! Read and review!**_

_**~MidnightSakuraBlossom**_


	14. Entry 15

_**I have a question for you at the end of the chapter. Please answer it in your review, okay thanks for reading this useless note and carry on to the story! n.n**_

_**~MidnightSakuraBlossom**_

_. . . . ._

January 17th, Entry 15

Current Location: The living room, 7:49 PM

Notes: What the hell is going on with my life, and will things ever go back to normal around here? Humph, not a chance...

_. . . . ._

Antonio,

So far, it's been one day since the last entry. That is all because yesterday, I was going to make the most of my Saturday and I lied around the house doing just about nothing. I wanted to get my mind off all of these weird moments and the crazy situations that the Spanish bastard you just happen to share the name of has been getting me caught up in. I lied around the house sleeping and eating, not even bothering to do any cleaning either. And it was fairly enjoyable actually. My stupid _Fratello _has been out of the house lately, claiming that him, the potato bastard, and Kiku agreed to do something over the weekend.

He wouldn't go any farther on that explanation for his disappearances. The sneaky little asshole.

While lying around the house, barely ever going outside, I found myself occasionally...and against my own damn will, thinking about some of the weird moments lately. I thought about the bastard and how overly-friendly he is with me, I flashbacked to the moment he fucking dared to kiss me in front of all those nosy people I would have been fine with maiming, and then the moment he was going to buy condoms – which still...it just irritates me that I don't know why. Were they for him to use on some she he had mentioned, or were they for her?

Maybe I didn't care if I thought about this, or maybe I did. But I also started to wonder how Brigida was doing. Was she still sick like I had been informed of? I wanted to go over to her house and find out for myself – she has given me her address before, although I haven't actually visited lately or ever – but every fucking time I would get out of bed or crawl off the couch, I would become nervous and just abort my plans. D-dammit, why can't I just stay calm and don't lose my cool at the thought of going over there and just talking to her? Don't you dare think it's because I'm shy! It's only because her brother is so intimidating and scares the crap out of me!

That was all that really happened yesterday. Now I guess I have no choice but to discuss what happened to me today. Well, for a bold start, let's just say that most of my day was (unfortunately) spent with Antonio at his apartment. And let me just point out right now, I DID NOT GO THERE WILLINGLY, DAMN IT! But after Feliciano returned back to our apartment a few moments after I did, and innocently inquired about where I had been, he DID NOT believe me when I told him some of the details! What the fuck? What would possibly cause him to believe that I went over there because of my own free will?

Let me explain the longer way...

Naturally, on Sundays, I don't have to go to that fucked up school or drag my ass to that cafe and work part time. If this town had a good church, me and Feliciano would have probably been there...have I mentioned this before? I HATE everything about this town.

So I decided to just sleep in and then go out and do window shopping. It must have been very late in the morning and I was still sound asleep, curled up under warm blankets and finally feeling very comfortable. I wanted this moment to last forever; if I could help it.

And then, my eardrums were murdered (probably) by a fucking intense blast of rock music basically turning the entire room inside and out! I was so startled by the noise, I immediately jumped out of the bed, still groggy and in a daze but I could remember it clearly as if it just happened a second ago! Pissed off, I tried to name who would be responsible for such intensity still early in the day. I could only think about the number one suspect...Antonio...whom I discovered on Friday, lives in one of the apartments above ours.

The music raged on and I was so ready to just march out of the apartment, knock on his door, and then bash in his goddamn face. Don't you dare doubt me, I would have so done that if it weren't for the fact that the landlord would accuse me of being a psycho whom belonged in a mental home. I don't need anyone being convinced I'm insane – I am merely complex.

Even if I couldn't go and attack him for this unwelcome awakening, I still could have shut him up if I really tried hard enough. That was what I thought at the time, anyway. I reached for a simple broom that I had placed by my bedside just incase of certain, overly-friendly Spaniards...

"TURN OFF THE FUCKING MUSIC, YOU INSENSITIVE BASTARD!" I near screamed angrily, after climbing onto my bed, standing up, and attacking the wall violently with the broom as my weapon. And when the music was finally turned off, I could hear...faint chuckles. Anger flared again and I lost it and threw the broom at the ceiling. "DON'T YOU DARE THINK THIS IS FUNNY! I'M NOT A MORNING PERSON, I'M MORE THAN READY TO GET A PISTOL AND SHOOT YOU IN YOUR FUCKING STUPID FACE!"

I probably sounded very annoying to any other people in the apartments. The landlord probably heard me from where he was repairing the shower in our neighbor's bathroom. But I didn't care about that at all, all I could hope for was that the insensitive bastard heard me and was willing to stop this insanity and stop trying to piss me off!

One last time, I listened closely after the music had stopped altogether. But my guard was remaining high and it wasn't going anywhere. I still stood there on my bed armed with the broom, until the door to my room suddenly flung open and Feliciano let himself in. I knew this because I heard his voice greet me happily.

At least, someone was ready to start the day off on the right foot. I remained pissed as I climbed off the bed. When my feet hit the floor, I turned to see Feliciano staring at me curiously, his hair was a mess and he was wearing nothing but a long white towel barely staying on his waist. Normally, he would have arrived completely naked, but the landlord claims that he's going to be arrested for public indecency if he keeps answering the door that way. Damn prudes...

"I could hear you shouting, Lovino." Feliciano walked over to my side and gazed up at the ceiling just as I was doing, but he obviously didn't have a fucking clue as to why he was copying me. "Ve? What's going on?"

"Just forget about this, dammit!" I shoved the broom into Feliciano's hands and he stepped back and stared in a mix of confusion and fear. Once he had a good grip on my weapon, I brushed past him and made my way across the room to the doorway. "Let's just say that someone's going to die if they keep messing with me in the morning. Someone. Will. Fucking. Die." And I slammed the door shut immediately after, leaving Feliciano very confused and still holding my improvised weapon from earlier.

So this brings us to a few hours later. I already showered, dressed, and made my way down the short flight of stairs into the living room to see that Feliciano was already there finally clothed and blabbing happily on his cellphone. For a moment, I listened in to see if he was talking to a certain bastard he can't keep his hands off of, but it turns out that it was only Kiku.

You can only imagine how relieved I was. This could mean that he was becoming more...tch, smarter and realize that he doesn't need to spend so much time with that bastard. He's just annoying and impossible to deal with, so fucking much like his "awesome" brother that pretty much sexually harasses me with words every time he sees me. I'm surrounded by a bunch of perverted assholes who can't keep their hands to their selves and think before they say.

Since Feliciano was too busy for me to manipulate into making me some breakfast, I had no choice but to reluctantly go into the crowded room myself and search around for something. Ever since that episode with Antonio's insensitive actions and being a complete ass like he is, I was more worn out than hungry. But my stomach was still being a damn traitor and dragging me to the kitchen to feed it. Tch. I entered and glanced around, nothing really captured my interest until I walked over to one of the free counters and my gaze settled on the tomatoes that I had purchased back on Friday.

There was more than enough and it wouldn't have killed me to enjoy one alone before I decided to stop getting distracted and at least make some sort of attempt to try out that admittedly decent recipe I Googled the other day. But don't get me wrong, Google is still no friend of mine. You would not believe how it always screws up the Spanish I try and translate after hearing that bastard whose name will not be mentioned adds into his sentences in random moments when it isn't called for.

Back in the living room, I carelessly took a seat on the couch and began to just sit there and eat the tomato. I could hear Feliciano's blabbing quite easily, and this is only some of the crap I actually bothered to listen in on:

"Ve~ Veeee~ I know, Kiku! Ludwig has been acting weird, but he told me yesterday that he wants to talk with me all alone on Monday outside the school grounds! Hmm? You really think so? Well, I really can't wait to figure out what he wants to tell me~!"

Note to self: Stalk Feliciano tomorrow during his little alone talk with that bastard. If he says anything flirty or they decide to go out together on a date after so much tension, I will strangle the life out of that idiot!

I tried to ignore the rest of his conversation, now that he brought that repulsive topic up. My teeth sunk into the fruit again, red juice trickled down my chin and to the floor (not like I gave a fuck, Feliciano would have to wash that out of the rug later while I listened to music and hung out in my room). And the good news was that I did not think about Antonio at all. And that was a fucking huge good sign!

You may think that eating these tomatoes would have caused me to remember what went on the other day at the store. About how he chatted endlessly and annoyed the crap out of me, actually bothered to point out that he believes I have some kind of stupid "inferiority complex" for my _Fratello_, and do all kinds of other offhand antics in that place. Especially that whole moment of coming up from behind me and attacking me in a romantic hug like those two fucking idiots in that gay movie...

But I didn't.

And all was pretty peaceful. I sighed contently after swallowing a bite of the fruit, glad that I didn't have to bother with school, that Spanish bastard, or that cafe. Today was going to be the day that I finally got some rest and relaxation from my life. Even if Feliciano wandering through the apartment talking to his friends as if he would fucking never hear their voices again was so irritating. It was a price to pay. I have to hear that constantly, so it didn't matter much.

But the second I shifted my position and lied down on my side, another loud blast of rock music practically annihilated the walls and my eardrums! I gasped audibly and accidentally rolled over onto the couch, my tomato still in hand and my eyes narrowing and my face contorting to it's typical scowl.

That jackass...he was at it again.

"Kiku, I swear I don't know what is going on!" I heard Feliciano cry out pathetically as he came down the stairs plugging his other ear with a free hand. "Loud music just started booming through the walls and Lovino usually wears headphones when rocking out..."

"I do not 'rock out'!" I had managed to yell once my head snapped up from the floor and I glared evilly at a nearby Feliciano. "You don't know how I react when listening to catchy music, for your damn information!"

"Ve! My ears are going to bleed!" Feliciano pulled the phone away and presumably held it to his chest. I didn't know, because I had been trying to pull myself to my feet with one hand and making sure the tomato didn't get squished with the other. "Who's playing music so...so..."

"I've got a pretty good theory." I replied darkly, now on my feet. As I got a mental picture of that bastard's face, my hand began to clasp and pressure was unknowingly applied to the tomato which was beginning to trickle juice onto my fingers and wrist. "Feliciano, don't call the landlord because he's just a lazy asshole who won't help us as often as the other residents. Antonio is more than likely the culprit, and I'm going to go have a little talk with him..."

Instantly, his facial expression turned to one of concern and mild fear as he latched onto my shoulder. I scowled and attempted to swat away Feliciano's hand. "Don't be too violent, Antonio seems to like you and I don't think he would try and do this on purpose."

"If he 'likes' me as much as he claims," I placed the tomato down on the coffee table atop a magazine. And then I folded my arms over my chest. "Why would he be such an insensitive bastard and blast us out of the goddamn apartments with that inhuman volume?"

"Give him a chance. He means well, right?"

"Oh, he'll get his chance..."

Underlined for the violent undertones and implications I had intended by my tone.

…

I knew exactly where I was going. And nothing was going to make me change my mind at the time. That bastard had been going too far with his ways of testing my patience and seeing just how far I can go! First he stumbles into my life, tries to flirt with me at the worst time possible, invades my privacy, spreads a rumor that we can't keep our fucking hands off of each other, steals my first kiss, gets a job at the same place I work, follows me to the store, makes me think about him constantly, and then blast music loudly when he goddamn knows that I'm in the apartment below his!

Once taking the stairs and reaching his door, I scowled and pressed an ear against it to see if I could make out anything suspicious. The first thing that hit my ears was muffled chuckles...though they weren't Antonio's. One of them was normal, but the other sounded like a cat crying out in pain or something like that.

Where have I heard that kind of laughter before? I muttered this question out loud, but soon shook my head and raised my knuckles to the door. As loudly as possible, I banged the crap out of it and called our for that bastard.

The time that passed didn't matter to me. I left my hands clenched into fists as they dangled on either side of me and my foot tapped impatiently.

And then, the bastard himself opened the door wide still wearing his typical smile as he greeted me in what was probably his native language. I swear, it was not charming or anything...in fact, I still remained pissed off and ready to cuss him out for all of the noise!

"You," I growled, reaching forward and grasping some of his shirt. Whether he was expecting it or not, he was pulled down awkwardly closer to my eye level and our faces were once again so inhumanly close. "You think this is so fucking hilarious, don't you?"

"What...?"

"THE FUCKING LOUD MUSIC EVERY OTHER SECOND, YOU CLUELESS DUMBASS!" I lost it, of course, and he almost tried to back away but I tightened my grip on his shirt to make sure that he was not getting anywhere. "I CAN'T SLEEP, I CAN'T THINK, AND I COULD HEAR YOUR CHUCKLING AND JEERING, DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO LIE!"

"Lovi-"

"And ANOTHER THING, how can you expect me to willingly put up with you invading my life if you fucking do this this stuff to me? What makes you think for one damn minute that I'll ever accept you?"

"Lovi, relax and let me-"

"Don't you dare interrupt me! I don't care about if anyone else can hear me rant, they probably already heard your insane music volumes earlier! And let me tell you something, I want my life back in order and I won't let an insensitive bastard like yourself hinder me from making that reality-"

I was interrupted. Again. But this time, it was by the insensitive bastard extending a hand and softly clasping it over my mouth. The catch here is that he didn't look the slightest bit affected by my ranting and all of the vulgarities that followed (which were too many to state in the quotations), he was actually...smiling again.

"I wasn't trying to mess with you, Lovi. I have a couple of friends over and they decided it would be fun to get you pissed off after I mentioned you and your brother live here too." I released my hold on his shirt as if my hand had been scorched and I was beginning to dread the moment he told me the names of his so-called friends.

A few entries back inside of you, I foreshadowed something horrible. No mistake, it was fucking horrible. The bastard opened the door a bit wider and brought his hand back to his side, but he still grasped my wrist and prompted me to follow him in.

Just so you know, I refuse to admit that I was caught off-guard. He grabbed my wrist before I could do anything and led me into the fair-sized apartment so I could apparently meet these friends of his. And I had the most horrible feeling that I knew exactly who these people would be. I had seen them talking before around school...but I refused to believe that it was true after all.

Once into the living room good, I glanced around at the interesting design of it. But I tore my eyes away from that immediately when Antonio announced my arrival to...Francis and Gilbert. Yes, you read that right. No mistake, those two fucking annoying perverts were over there seated on a couch instantly perking up upon seeing me. I was more than prepared to just bite his arm and run right there. But what would that do?

I was trapped.

The both of them just stared at me hungrily, probably trying to undress and rape me with their eyes...tch, knowing those two fucking perverts, I would not have doubted it!

Francis has long, kind of curled blond hair and blue eyes. He thinks he's a master at romance constantly hits on both the guys and girls...I still can't stand him and he honestly creeps the shit out of me.

Gilbert has messy silver-ish hair, and weird crimson eyes. He is the potato bastard's brother and he thinks he's the greatest to thing to walk on the face of the earth and we should all worship him. I can't stand him either, he's so forever alone that he likes to mess with me and claims from time to time that he wants to "be my first".

...Humph. He'll get his "first" alright. My foot forcefully crushing his dick to the point of he won't ever get the chance to try that ever again. (Note to self: do this the next time he tries anything, always works.)

Francis began to say some stuff in his first language, French, and it was all in some suggestive tone. I didn't give a fuck about whatever he said, I knew it was probably something really perverted. Then, at long last, he made the switch to English.

"My, my, Lovino decided to come and visit~"

"You picked a good one, Antonio. He's got the attitude and he's cute." Gilbert had the never to add as he followed Francis' movements and arose from the couch. I was shocked and wanted to leave, but my instincts had to be cowardly and so I unconsciously slipped behind Antonio.

I wonder, why the hell did I think that he would protect me? He seemed to be just as perverted as the other two, which must have been how they even got along together. But I just want to fuck myself up for that awful move...

"Oh look, he's shy too! Kesesese, that will be awkward when you decide to make a big step and fuck him!" My eyes widened, I don't know what kind of emotions were running through my head but...I knew very well that what I just heard was the most craziest thing ever! That perverted bastard!

And you wonder why I can't stand his brother being around Feliciano...just hang out with Gilbert for a few hours and you will completely understand where I'm coming from!

I couldn't believe that those two were here, all I wanted to do was yell at that bastard for being insensitive to other people (tch, me) and I somehow got myself caught in one of the worst possible situations that was way too horrible to even speak of!

Knowing that my virginity was at risk in that moment, I shifted my eyes at the both of them uneasily as they trapped me from both sides and looked at me with smirks on their sickening faces. I had to try and stay on my toes but don't look too scared. The last thing I needed was the three of them to get the impression I was even bigger coward then they all thought.

"How the hell do you know these guys?" I asked, taking a step back. Still was uneasy about the situation as ever. Antonio turned around to face me, and I was suddenly the main focus of everyone's attention.

"We met a few days ago, actually." Antonio explained, clearly unaware of my edgy attitude. He just appeared to find this totally casual. "After we kissed in the hallway that one day if you remember – I know I do – and one thing led to another. I guess the three of us started talking and realized we've got some things in common."

"Yes, you do..." I turned to give Francis a glare as he smiled suggestively and tried to lower his hand towards my ass. During the pause, I swatted it away and stepped away. "You're three of the most perverted bastards I have ever met! And why the hell are you bringing up that kiss incident? I told you never to do that again now that everyone's accepted the fact we're 'broken up'!"

"I can't stop thinking about it..."

"Erase your fucking memory banks entirely then! If that's what it takes!"

"Lovino, you're so loud today. Would you like a cup of coffee?"

"I don't want anything if you'll have your filthy hands all over it!" I folded my arms over my chest angrily, hopefully giving Antonio a very serious expression to prove I was truly annoyed by that offer.

"I find this story interesting though..." Gilbert slide up to me and grinned wickedly, a familiar gleam in his eye that I knew wasn't a good sign. It was a look that just screamed 'you are mine'! "Antonio told us about how you two were never together and it was all a big cover so that everyone would forget the rumors. Still...he claims he can't forget that kiss you shared...hmm..."

"Why don't you just shut the fuck up about that? I'll have you know, I don't give a damn about what he thinks about the slightest gesture!" Rapidly, I was losing my temper and I stood on the tips of my toes, poking that albino bastard's chest. "That kiss meant nothing! So let's all just shut up about it!"

But I don't think that he gave a damn about my threats. It was apparent to me that no one would ever shut the fuck up about that incident that should have never happened, and those bullshit rumors that Antonio spread like a life-threatening disease just for attention and to get me upset!

I thought that this conversation would end there, maybe I could slip away and scold the bastard about his choice in friends and his playing obnoxious music the next day. But, naturally, Francis had to be an ass and smirk, giving Antonio's shoulder a nudge as he uttered a comment.

A comment that made me freeze up, but fury written all over my face that was not...not blushing as well, it was only rage!

"He really is shy about that topic, I'm kind of envious that you can bring out that side of him on a daily basis..."

Gilbert and Francis both chuckled like the assholes they both were. I was near seeing red and more than ready to punch the amused looks off of their faces. Maybe it would have labeled me as a crazily violent person who needed to be put on severe medication, but at least it would have gotten through that I fucking hated everything about them!

How did Antonio react to this comment, you may wonder? He remained so fucking silent, but looked away. I caught his small, knowing smile. And that was when my hands clenched to fists.

"What the fuck are you smiling about?" I growled, reaching for Antonio's arm and turning him around to reveal that smile across his lips. The one that annoyed the crap out of me every time I got a glimpse. "Tell those bastards that there's nothing between us! And wipe that smile off your goddamn face, it's not funny at all!"

"I was smiling?"

I snorted and folded my arms across my chest, a knowing expression was probably clear on my face but I made sure it contained no traces of amusement. "Don't be a fucking idiot! Tell them! Lay it down right now or I will, dammit!"

"That kiss did look pretty intense, from what Ludwig told me." Gilbert casually stated, slipping up at my side once again and teasingly running his filthy pale fingers through my hair, I almost blushed and seethed when they were getting close to my curl. "Antonio was the one whom told you to kiss him. But was the reason for this if you think about it?"

"Hey, I can't really explain why I was into it..." Antonio chuckled, as if kind of embarrassed. I rolled my eyes, he was acting so fucking weird today.

Was it due to the fact Gilbert and Francis wouldn't stop being the perverted bastards they were and trying to lure information about how he really feels about me out? Or were the three of them teaming up to fuck up my mind? I still don't know even as I write this, but let's just say that I won't put up with their actions at all!

"So you two aren't going to get together?"

A scowl contorted on my face and immediately turned to Gilbert looking a bit puzzled. "Why the hell do you want to know so badly? I don't feel anything for him, NOTHING! And what does it matter if he has some fucking strange and addictive interest in me? I couldn't possibly care any less but him or what he thinks!"

"That was specific..."

"ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME WANT TO KILL YOU...?"

"Relax, relax," The French bastard came over and restrained me from attacking Gilbert by grabbing my shoulders. I would have tried to fight him back, you know I wanted to because I detest being held back. Still, I thought he may try something... "Gilbert just likes to annoy people; that's his life summed up completely." I rose a brow and turned to glance at Gilbert, he just rolled his unusual red eyes and looked away muttering some choice words.

"Before you barged in, we had been talking about various people we've been interested in lately." Antonio intervened in the conversation, hopefully noticing that I was glaring at Francis as I walked out of his grasp before he could try anything disturbing that I don't want to describe. "Gilbert claimed that he doesn't need anyone, Francis is still working on getting that British guy to admit he's conflicted and really wants him, and I was about to respond."

"How could you have possibly heard each other through that music? I thought it was going to make the roof fucking fall in on us!"

"We were talking abnormally loud over the music, you happened to not hear us."

I sighed and turned away from the idiot. I could not stand to see him still smiling about all of this. However, I will admit that I did catch him slightly blushing at the parts about having feelings for me. Humph. I wonder if that's true...

And I bet you would wonder if it's reciprocated...well, here's your answer: NO WAY IN HELL.

"Then...what were you going to say before I burst in?" Everyone was silent for a few moments, I realized just what I blurted out and clasped a hand across my mouth in horror and disgust with myself.

As I said before, I don't care about that bastard at all! But the words...the words all tumbled out and off my tongue...I couldn't stop them! Neither Francis or Gilbert called me out on that, by some miraculous way, but I could see them smirk almost knowingly right out of the corner of my eye. I fucking hate those two...

Not so surprisingly, Antonio looked as if he was lost in fantasy-land again as his gaze settled on me and his eyes practically shimmered. "Do you really want to know~?"

"FORGET IT."

That was when I turned and walked out of that apartment as quickly as possible. I was finally out of the clutches and inappropriately roaming eyes of the school's biggest perverts, and avoided any farther humiliation by having to either answer truthfully or life about that damn question he just had to spring on me! I didn't once consider going back for the rest of the day or answering the bastard when he would call, because I didn't want to have to see him or hear from him for as long as I could manage!

…

I bet he thinks I was just being shy about the truth and couldn't answer...I bet he really fucking thinks that...knowing Francis and Gilbert, they probably will talk about that weird encounter to everyone around the school and I'll be on another wrong end of a damn rumor once again!

This time, I won't stand for it! If there's any suspicious talk going around the school tomorrow, I will be the first to hear and the first to crush it and bury in underneath the earth forever!

The rest of my day was spent lazing around the house doing nothing whatsoever...and plotting...This entry ends here because you don't want to know what I'm going to do to the three of those bastards after this encounter. Let's just keep it simple for now and say: they will not fuck around with me anymore.

_. . . . ._

To Be Continued

_. . . . ._

_**Wow, it's been a little while since the last update. Sorry, sorry, but life interfered as it always does.**_

_**But enough about that, I have a question for you readers: would you like to see Lovino SUCCEED in giving the Bad Touch Trio (yes, they're seriously going to be called it in future chapters as we fans do) in the next chapter, or should I go with plan B and have him ATTEMPT a few times before finally getting it right? I am asking this because I can't decide which to go with, please answer this in your review.**_

_**Well, read and review! Don't leave a poor girl hanging! (LOL, wait, what?)**_

_**~MidnightSakuraBlossom**_


	15. Entry 18

_**Everyone in the room, clap! I have returned! :D *I get cricket chirps and then total silence as a response* …D:**_

_**I know I've been away far too long. I haven't forgotten about the story at all, I was trying to plan out what kinds of things that I wanted to happen. And I must admit that I was very successful because I know know exactly what will happen all the way up to entry 19! Take that, writer's block! Okay, okay, I also admit I got a bit sidetracked after StormofyourDestiny and her girlfriend burst into the house one Sunday afternoon giggling and holding a DVD of Hetalia World Series...the dubbed version.**_

_**I have been secretly snitching it from SYD and watching it in my room. I died so many times, I laughed so many times, I almost feel ashamed of myself because I tend to stay with the subbed version on it only. The dub isn't half bad. XDDD**_

…

_***Raises white flag* Don't kill me for saying that. D:**_

_**Disclaimer: As much as I would LOVE to own Hetalia and it's characters...I don't. But someday, ooooh somedaaay...*Heads out to find a very good lawyer in case her attempts to take the series backfire and she gets sued***_

_**~MidnightSakuraBlossom**_

_. . . . ._

January 21st, Entry 18

Current Location: That empty and deserted classroom somewhere around 6:43 PM

Notes: A few pages back were filled with my plans to put some plans to sabotage Antonio, Francis, and Gilbert. And yes, a lot of them fucking failed. And after the discouragement, I'm not so sure this one will end well. But I can still say that we can only take a risk! After all that's happened these past few weeks, what the fuck do we have to lose?

_. . . . ._

Antonio,

It took a few days of failure and discouragement, but I think that I'm ready to cast my wicked method of sabotage on those three perverted bastards I deal with every damn day! That's right, it's all coming together, although I don't have high expectations. I can't say I ever have the highest confidence after a lot of failure in life, but this is, just as I stated above, is a huge risk we all have to take!

I have some time to kill before an ally in my plan enters at the estimated perfect time to strike, which will be at seven-twenty tonight at the school.

For the past few days, I tried so many times over to get all three of them back so that they could finally realize what it's like to be trapped in a living hell. God knows I tried. But every time, something or someone had to ruin it completely! The first time, I decided to strike all three at once by spreading some rumors...and that didn't work.

Because Feliciano, being the fucking idiot he is, overheard this not knowing who had spread them and tried to be the good guy and insisted to everyone they were not true. WHY THE HELL DID HE SIT BACK AND NOT DO ANYTHING WHEN I WAS ON THE WRONG END OF RUMORS? Oh, that pisses me off so much...!

Some of the mere things I had tried to do involved spreading rumors, unsuccessfully sneaking into their homes to steal things, and I once tried to rig one of their desks but the tool I used flew up and hit my left eye (I had lied on my bed holding ice to it for hours, and it still fucking hurts. I just decided to where my sunglasses everywhere so no one can see the puffy and dark appearance of it). And I did some other things too, but they are so damn embarrassing in hindsight...so they won't be mentioned now. If you want to know, assuming someone else is reading this against my knowledge, flip to some of the previous pages.

But now I'm at the breaking point. I am going to get extremely serious now, and I don't give a damn about what I have to do to put some chaos into their lives! You've no idea how edgy and paranoid they all make me feel!

Francis has always, always liked to flirt with blatantly. It's been this way for three years, I can't take it anymore because it's far from welcome and he just creeps the hell out of me with those horny eyes!

Gilbert is related to that annoying potato-loving bastard. Need I say more? Anyone that is related to him can go rot in the depths of hell for all I care.

Antonio...self-explanatory.

I could never begin to list the things that they have done to me. I could never begin to have the strength to even let it out because I doubt it'll help me. Nothing could ever help me anyway, and bottling up everything has seemed to work well – for fifteen years so far.

My new plot to get those three is as simple and yet flawless as I could manage. I didn't want to do it, but I had to get the help of Arthur. He happened to overhear me talking about my plans to myself during gym (which we were both ditching for some fresh air outside like we tend to do) and told me that he wanted in – if it meant messing with Francis. Apparently, he was getting especially fed up with his constant flirtation and purposely luring him into arguments.

Even if I don't like the guy, I didn't have much of a choice at the time. And I would need some help. So me and Arthur remained in school for hours, hidden in that empty classroom until everyone left. We managed to steal some keys to the classroom doors and the main ones from a lazy and careless janitor too.

So now we're sitting in here on boxes waiting out the time to strike. We haven't said much to each other because it's just awkward, he kind of intimidates me occasionally...it could be just something about British people. I don't know, they have a certain vibe that seems so different and not the kind of person to fuck with. And his eyebrows, they're so goddamn huge like caterpillars and are so impossible to miss if you're looking for him in a large crowd! The first time I laid my eyes on those, I almost screamed!

But I didn't. That would have made me seem pathetic.

I wonder if he thinks it's stupid of me to be writing in you. Just a thought. But if he does get the balls to comment on that, I'll probably just remind him that he is the same guy who knits, eats girly-decorated cakes, blushes and becomes weak when cornered by Francis, and goes home every night to soak in a bubble bath with scented candles. And I know all of this because you can't help but listen to that loudmouth Alfred blab to everyone about the annoyingly girly things that his maybe-friend does.

Then we would be even.

One good thing to all of this is that Arthur can sneak around great. I hate complimenting people like him, God knows it's so damn hard. But if it wasn't for his light steps and fast ninja-like moves, we would have never gotten the keys from the janitor. The guy may be lazy, but he was keen when it came to his hearing and sight.

Okay, so our plan is to vandalize school property and put the blame on the three perverted bastards. Sound easy enough? Not so much. Although this school has been around for years before me and Feliciano were even born, it doesn't have many special symbolism or landmarks that the idiots running this thing wanted to keep around for future generations.

What the school does possess is plenty of windows to break and walls to attack with profanity about how much it sucks. Honestly, I secretly contemplated writing cruel graffiti in the science room...but forgot about it after my stomach lured me to some lunch. Now we're actually going to fucking succeed and it's going to feel so good!

And not only can we damage the windows, and graffiti the walls, we also intend to finish things with a hell of a bang: we're going to work together (ew) to make big dents in the large statue of the school's founder outside. How's that for a plan?

We're almost ready to strike, we have everything that we need. I'm sure of that. Arthur brought a toolbox with him and I supplied some cans of paint and large brushes with a cheap price that morning from somewhere you fucking don't need to know about.

Now, I'm going to abruptly pause in the entry for now. Because time is ticking, and me and Arthur are going to make our move. Since I'm too lazy to rewrite the unnecessary information about the time and my location, Antonio, I'll just stop here and then pick back up, explaining the time and what shit went down.

Wish us luck, we're going to need any amount we can get.

…

As I write this next half of the entry, it's near midnight. I'm in my bedroom under the covers completely and writing this just in case Feliciano passes by after getting a snack for the night after dreaming about food and happens to try and sneak a peek at any of this. Right now, the damn idiot doesn't need to know what I've been doing for the past few hours.

Maybe I'll tell him later. Or maybe not.

All I can say is that I have finally succeeded, but I wouldn't say I'm grateful for Arthur's help. The both of us really don't like each other in any shape or form, and there's good reason behind it which I don't have to reveal right now, dammit. It's not time.

Here's what happened through and through:

At around say, seven-ten, we sprang into action. I closed you up and securely stashed you away into the bag I brought along before heaving it back over my shoulder. And Arthur did inquire about why I was even writing in that, but I simply told him to just fuck off. If he wanted to get Francis like I know he wanted, Eyebrows needed to stop starting arguments.

He did, in fact, mildly apologize because he apparently was so used to starting these things after spending too much time in Francis' company. I couldn't restrain a quick, smug smirk after he said this...because I noticed his cheeks redden and his gaze to shift away as if embarrassed to say aloud he was even IN his company.

You would have to see this for yourself. I can't explain it.

So we left the empty classroom and checked the halls briefly to ensure we were totally alone. Gazing around the hallway and second floor, the report we gave each other was acceptable. No teachers or janitors were still lingering in there. And the school was perfectly submissive to our vandalism antics. Fuck yes.

"Lovino, we need to decide which windows to break and what walls to draw on." Arthur had suddenly said to me, after bringing me to a pause as we stalked through the halls. And he...fuck, he made a good point.

I thought for several seconds, before coming to a conclusion and replying: "Let's break most of the windows on the first floor, some of the classroom windows, and even the big one in the principle's office. Then we take all of this paint and color the hell out of near every inch of the first floor's walls where everyone will see it after entering school tomorrow!"

"Good idea. Seeing as though Francis would be with Gilbert and Antonio – according to our stories – it's believable they would vandalize this much. That is three people, three crazy personalities, and it is overall easy to see three combining to do this much damage."

"I may suck at painting pictures, but being cruel and vulgar is something I'm good at." I mentioned, hoping to end the exchange so we could get back to our plans. It did end it, and we separated our ways – I walked off with a wicked grin down the dark halls with my cans of paint and brushes, Arthur went the other way with the toolbox.

I fucking hated having to admit my lack of painting skills. It's just so annoying when you've got a ditzy _fratello_ whom, yes, always keeps his eyes closed, and can paint and draw ten times better. No matter how much time I set aside for practice, nothing improves. Ever. So it was high time I released some rage onto those fucking annoying and so painfully blank walls of the school – A.K.A the prison of my life.

Besides, I've always disliked this school and it's high time I showed it what I thought. The best thing about doing something this brash and ridiculous was the simple fact that the three bastards would get blamed for it and no one, no one would ever know it was me...and Arthur.

And if you think I'm just acting up with some kind of ridiculous "inferiority complex", just shut the fuck up, I don't have that at all! I'm far from jealous, who the hell would be over Feliciano? Really, who?

But, getting back to the descriptions of what happened previously (I'm trying to stop scowling and my blood to stop surging like bad through my veins from even the mere mention of that "inferiority complex" which DOES NOT EXIST). I began to get off on a completely different topic...which...it doesn't...damn it, it doesn't matter.

The halls were darker than I had expected, I knew where I was going though. And once finding a clear section of all away from the lockers, I opened up the can and carelessly dropped the lid near my feet. Inside was some bright red paint. And next paint can contained some of the most darkest black pain you will ever see in your life. I didn't get paranoid that a staff member of the school may see me, I didn't care if anyone saw me. Yes, that would have ruined are plans to get back at the three bastards in our lives (my life). But I NEEDED to do this.

Sooner or later.

And so I did. It felt so good.

I dipped a brush into the can of red and swiftly maneuvered it along the walls, making the letters big and bold. The words harsh and vulgar. And eventually added black to underline for emphasis. It did feel so fucking good, to be able to release what I think of this prison I'm locked in for the rest of the school year at least until I graduate. I could say anything, and those three would be blamed for everything! Even if they argued they didn't, no one would bother to listen; that's the way it goes in this place.

I had to suffer rumors, Antoino...and the other two bastards could use some negative attention too. Maybe then that smiling, oblivious bastard will get an understanding of how I may have felt and never do anything like that again. Maybe he would become distant from me if we knew I did this all to him...and the other two bastards.

Oh, how amazing that would be.

...Right? Why am I feeling slightly down as I consider life without him?

Fucking stupid conscious, that's all it is. But this time, it won't restrain me from doing what feels and is necessary! I swear!

As soon as I was halfway finished quickly doing my work, the sound of two smashing windows could be heard. It was a loud sound, and yes, I actually flinched and near dropped my brush in the middle of painting a comment of: "**...Everyone here should realize what a fucking prison they're in...**" at the time.

"That. Was. Bloody. AMAZING!" I heard Arthur cry out in amazement from the science room. I had to smirk darkly at that time, he was probably getting a mental image of releasing some of that sexual tension and punching Francis when he broke those two windows (with what I later figured out was a hammer and the heavy box itself. The windows were really weak and generally crappy, that was how they broke easily).

I had to agree, silently, that this did feel amazing. It was the equivalent of releasing built-up fury from a few things that we're not going to go into right now. All that you need to know is this.

Arthur went on to break some more windows, I went on to graffiti the walls. And by the time we were finished and met up in front of that empty classroom, I pulled out my phone and noticed that it was getting close to eight.

We already did enough damage for the evening, neither of us told each other...but it was obvious we both needed to do that. And not just to get back at those bastards, we also needed to release our real thoughts about this damn school. Really, it is truly a prison in disguise.

I had painted a lot of comments across most of the walls, but didn't the lockers because the cracks in them would mess up the form. And this needed to be perfectly in place for the next day when they get "busted". You would have had to been there in the moment to get a general idea of what it looked like. Here's an example of some things I painted:

"**FUCK SCHOOL**", "**Prison is more appealing then this crappy establishment**", "**Me, Francis, and Gilbert left a little surprise for you last night! Haha, haha, where's your school appreciation now? - sincerely, Antonio**", "**Up with drugs, down with learning**", and especially "**We're living in the USA, aren't we? Try to turn us in, damn fools, but we technically have rights to say our true thoughts about this! - sincerely, Antonio & Gilbert & Francis**".

There were some others. And my horrible painting skills surprisingly came in handy for drawing crude pictures around the writing and underlining words for emphasis, stuff like that. I had turned to Arthur with an assumed satisfied expression on my face.

"How many windows did you break?"

"I was barely counting, the thrill of the moment was far too great. But...we can go check to make sure it was enough."

The both of us walked back through the halls and into some classrooms to check the broken windows. We passed my almost endless and very bold graffiti that I had a funny feeling would work out well tomorrow. There was no way those three perverts could talk their way out of it! Anyway, the only thing to mention is that we had an exchange on the way and as we were surveying the impact of our determination and fury:

"Let me guess...you must want to get back at Francis for all of the times he pissed you off?"

"Hmm? Oh...yes, actually. I feel more or less strange for acting so crazy, but that damn frog deserves something bad to occur in his life at least one. Bloody. Time." There was a short pause, Arthur took this moment to calm himself. He seemed to not feel right when he wasn't acting all proper and, well, stereotypically British. Stereotypes suck sometimes, I've found that out the hard way mainly due to the fact I live around them. "As strange as it seems, I do have a rebellious side that I try to restrain. Sometimes...especially right now and whenever I listen to heavy music, my proper act shatters immediately."

"Why don't you give in to it? It's actually fun to be rebellious, it means you don't let the problems that aren't on your shoulder go. You voice against bastards who try to invade your life. And it comes with the secure knowledge you don't give a fuck about what someone thinks."

"If I revealed this side of myself...my brothers would never let me hear the end of it. Our parents are...well, we have no idea where. So I live with them and they don't even realize I have this kind of side. Maybe it's because I don't want to be labeled by peers...or maybe it's just being who I want is a problem." We stopped walking on that note, as I seriously took in what he was actually sharing with me. And he turned to gaze at me curiously. "Lovino, do you ever feel this way?"

I wasn't sure how to respond to that...I could have lied and moved on. I knew I probably should have. But the things he told me had some kind of affect, I felt as though I could ALMOST relate.

But in the end, the shift in the mood had gotten to me. I was near a trance, lost inside of it.

"You're such a goddamn idiot if you think I'll blab personal information."

"Fine, you don't have-"

"...In my life, I can't remember one time I ever released any emotions or feelings I may or may not have. Because the world is so fucking cruel, I can't wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't see how my _fratello _does it and can manage surviving here!"

We arrived at the principle's office before I knew it, to break the last windows necessary after this exchange. I couldn't believe I had actually said this. I couldn't. Especially to the likes of him. Arthur shockingly didn't mention it again, as if reading my mind about the whole situation.

So skipping the useless details, the two of us took tools and damaged the windows in the principle's office. We watched with approval as they shattered into pieces and scattered around our feet and the floor. That's what these dumbass people get for making weak windows. A slight gust of wind could easily break through and I was awaiting the day that happened.

We went back into other rooms to ensure Arthur did a decent job. And as much as I hate to admit it, he did. Mostly all of those targets were cracked deeply or without any material and it was just open space for the night breeze to flow into. Remains littered the floors. And even the clear windows in front of the main doors were broken courtesy of Arthur's after-thought which seemed like a great way to wrap this up. He also mildly approved of the graffiti I spread around, although I felt somewhat self-conscious someone I barely knew and didn't trust in the slightest had to see my goddamn awful and nonexistent artistic skills. But we couldn't let him do that part of the plot because he would have used British English.

And we would be discovered for the following facts: Antonio's Spanish, Gilbert's German (claims he's awesome because he had Prussian ancestors. Which I think is just a lot of arrogant bullshit), and Francis' French. And really, it's obvious they would not use that form of English unless they just really wanted to tease and piss off Eyebrows.

After finishing up with breaking windows and spreading vulgarities, the final objective of the night was to attempt to vandalize the stupid statue of the school's founder. And although Arthur commented that he didn't approve of going to these extreme lengths, I merely reminded him in a moment of annoyance that he previously stalked through the school at night like a fucking ninja, snitched keys, smashed the crap out of several windows, and even confessed giving in to a rebellious side of him was one of the most exciting moments he's experienced in months.

And making noticeable dents and whatnot in a stupid statue of some dead asshole that didn't know the first thing about a good and strong school is overdoing it? I think not.

Whether it was grudgingly or not, Arthur still followed after me and we made it around the building pretty easily considering there was a grand total of ZERO security systems. And if there were, they obviously didn't work out like everyone thought.

The statue stood somewhat high. And basically, the founder was an guy who looked like he may have been in his late fifties at the time. Every detail wasn't very exact, I could tell by the very first glimpse of it the first day I ever laid my eyes upon the disgrace. Anyway, the guy was overweight and kind of tall, with short hair in a hideous style and wore a long jacket and pants. He was standing proudly clutching a book to his chest and the other arm was extending as if he was reaching out to someone. The color of this horror was silver.

Ever since I first got a glimpse of this statue, I hated it so fucking much. This asshole probably thought he had made a great decision when founding this school, but it's system is very fucked up and it doesn't work well. I hate everything about this place. Even some of the people who are forced to attend this prison.

When I reached into Arthur's toolbox and pulled out a hammer, I wasted no time in slamming it hopefully rough against the object that doesn't deserve to exist. But it didn't leave much of a mark, although I did scrape some of the material (I don't know what the hell it was made out of. All I can assume is that it was something cheap. Sometimes, the thought of this asshole as a cheapskate comes to mind and I'm pretty sure it's true).

"We need something more powerful than just the hammer." Arthur stated matter-of-factly after I attacked the worthless piece of crap too many times to count. He brought out the box again and began to browse through for anything that might work.

I would have argued, protested that I could have finally made it look disfigured and utterly unrecognizable if he had not interfered and made me lose concentration. But this was just denial, I secretly know I'm weak and pathetic at everything...sometimes I ask myself why I bother to continue with that any more. It's always hopeless.

Finally, after a long time, me and Arthur kept attacking the statue with various tools that were grasped in hand like deadly weapons. It didn't matter how much strength we combined and put into it, it didn't matter where we attacked. This would have been so much easier if I could have found some kind of way to get bombs and not be viewed as a terrorist for having them in possession.

Finally, we started to see some progress. As we attacked this worthless crap that took up space, Arthur pointed out after putting a flashlight against it that you could see noticeable dents and cuts. But I was far from satisfied.

It just wasn't enough. For the next few minutes, we kept up our determination and combined our efforts to break this crap and then blame it all on those three bastards. It didn't work, I was finally so pissed off that I hurled the tool right at the head of the statue. I made a noticeable slash across the face and then fell to the ground, I just managed to back up in time to not get hit by it.

But the results of that, it was nicely pulled off. Now the statue was vandalized whether it looked that way from afar or up close. Still, this crappy amount of work wasn't enough to satisfy and I still had a craving do to some more...work. Arthur didn't argue, my scowl must have worked on him like it's supposed to do to everyone but fails against Antonio.

My next idea was to toss some paint onto the parts of the statue we didn't get to destroy as much. This way, it would really piss off the principle and get those three in even more shit they couldn't free themselves from. It sounded so tempting, and even Arthur was brought under the spell and agreed once I shared the idea with him vaguely.

To build up the suspense, we both hesitated for a moment as he reached to the cans of paint and got one of the two brushes. I was at the red paint while England was ready at the black. I'm sure the both of us were smirking so fucking evilly at that point in time, much like I am right now as I write this.

"We do this on three...one...two...three..."

And after the above countdown we both did, paint of black and red was soon all over the upper part of the statue mixing together and leaving big streaks that were definitely noticeable from a distance. We even decided to leave the evidence behind by dropping the useless brushes and cans along the grass.

Taking one last look at our work, we approved of it completely. It was fan-fucking-tastic. You would just have to be there to see all of it, it was true vandalism at it's finest. And for being planned so shabbily (on Arthur's part, and no, I'm not trying to put the blame on him), it still worked rather well. Well enough.

Now really late, the both of us were tired as hell and knew we needed energy for the next day. When everyone crams into school and notices the things we/those three bastards did. It would be perfect! And even now, I'm getting a rush of energy as I think about what may happen to their sorry asses! Oh, good luck sleeping tonight, Lovino...

On the way out of the school, there was a period of silence where I wasn't sure what to say. It was somewhat chilly, I shivered and held my open jacket closer to me. A fashionable crimson one that Antonio constantly complimented me about (not like I've started wearing it more often because of that. Damn, you better not think I'm denying it!), hoping I wouldn't get sick again. The last time was fucking horrible.

Arthur walked alongside me, his arms folded across his chest and his eyes on the ground. At long last, he finally opened his mouth. Saying something which caught me off guard. "Lovino, there's something I'm curious about."

"Hmm?" I had looked in his direction, faintly wondering what he was talking about. We were, at that point, almost completely off the school grounds. "What's with this all of a sudden?"

"Don't think of me as a stalker for this; I have noticed the way you act around 'Brigida' on several occasions." That was when my shoulders tensed and I near bit my tongue. I'm sure Arthur didn't see me avert my gaze back to the ground as I walked. "Me and 'Brigida' are not strangers, we have been on good terms in the past although we don't talk often now. But I always happen to pass by and see you with her, the way you get tongue-tied and nervous..."

I didn't say anything. Heat flooded into my cheeks and my eyes screwed shut, the way he could just say all of this to my face...it was too embarrassing to have to hear it. I could barely admit it myself. Hell, it killed me to even write it here.

"I think we can all assume you're crushing on her. As apposed to that rubbish rumor about you and Antonio being together, that one didn't make sense considering you have never met before."

"So why haven't you told everyone the true side of the story, fucking know-it-all?" I countered, pissed now. I still couldn't meet those eyes no matter how hard I tried.

There was a smaller silence this time. But a silence all the same. We continued to make our way down the dark, barely-lit streets of the town and tried to not get lost.

Then Arthur stopped entirely on the sidewalk. I looked him over, puzzled for a moment and stopped too. He wouldn't look at me, he remained seemingly deeply interested in his shoes.

"Because I know how you feel in this situation." I blinked. Arthur met my eyes again, embarrassment written all over his face as he added, "F-Francis is the most perverted, disgusting, damn annoying bastards I have ever met in my life and that's why I have been planning to get back at him like we just did. Ho-however...sometimes..." His entire face went red, he folded his arms against his chest and the gaze fell right back to his shoes. "Sometimes I can't help but be attracted to him. I hate it so much."

"How is that relevant to me, dammit?"

"You, much like me, have a hard time sharing feelings with others. Not even family. And when it comes to that certain one we fall so far and have difficulties expressing and even admitting it."

"..."

"She's a pretty girl, strong too. I can see why you like...'Brigida'." I'm sure my face was near on fire and my hands were trembling. Finally, I was able to look back at his face to see him now looking serious. Too damn serious. I wondered what would happen next, and my guard rose high. "But there's something you need to know about her before you fall too far."

I took a daring step forward. If he was going to be a bastard and say something out of line and fucking ridiculous about her, I would be the first one to make a hopefully successful attempt to bash in his face.

"Hear me out: me and 'Brigida' have spoken to each other briefly at that cafe you work at. You weren't there, Antonio was. My table was very close to the counter and I could easily eavesdrop on Antonio and 'Brigida's conversation as I drank my coffee and tried to unwind." Arthur paused, probably a little alert at noticing how I was raising my guard. His damn unusually massive eyebrows furrowed and he went on, "I didn't want to be nosy, so I mostly tuned out. The tones were lowered and I could make out Antonio telling her something about condoms and asking what time. 'Brigida' exhaled a breath and then said she was thankful for him, she would skip school for a little while until things calmed down, and that she hoped her brother wouldn't be home too much."

"If you're trying to start something-"

"Lovino!" I glared on the outside, but I was intimidated on the inside. Arthur didn't seem hostile, his scowl even faded as he sighed in an attempt to sooth himself. "You don't have to be on edge, I truthfully heard everything word by word. And if you look at what we have, it seems like something is going on either between the two or with her and someone else. All I want you to know is that I don't approve of falling too far for her."

"Brigida isn't in some fucking evil plot!"

"I never said she was! Look, all I want you to do is consider getting over her and moving on to another girl, or guy, because you will only get hurt! And...I know how heartache feels, believe me..."

"Humph. Think what you want." I began walking away, my hands shoved into the pockets of my jacket and my head held a bit high, I wanted to ensure that the bastard realized I didn't give a damn about anything he said. "For your fucking information: I don't need to fall for anyone, and I have a pretty strong will when it comes to people. You wouldn't understand, knowing how easily you mold into the French bastard's hands."

"When it comes to pretty females, you probably don't have any control." The eyebrow bastard countered, from where he was standing. His house was in that area, so we were parting now. Thank God. "Or...maybe there's an attractive guy you would be homosexual for."

I said nothing else, I swear. I couldn't...because it felt like every muscle, all of my body had tensed up when he started saying all of that. He couldn't have won that exchange, I never would allow that to happen. Does the bastard even know he got me? That's something I don't know.

I walked back to the apartment, slipped in and briefly stopped to glare once noticing Feliciano and the damn potato-loving bastard asleep together on the couch right in front of me. Yes, you saw that correctly. Feliciano was fucking curled up and resting his head against his leg, a blanket thrown over him. And the potato bastard was reclining against the back normally, I would have loved to reach for a knife and stick that in his eyes...but I was far too exhausted to react in any way at the time.

Must have invited the bastard over, that fucking ditz, doesn't he realize how awful the situation is? There's no telling what he could have done to him all alone in an apartment together! Damn him...

I would go on ranting right now, but sleep is going to be needed for the big day when everyone comes into school to see the hell me and the eyebrow bastard caused. So I guess I'm just going to put the pencil down, hide you back under the pillow from Feliciano, and crash for the night.

_. . . . ._

To Be Continued

_. . . . ._


	16. Entry 19 Part 1 of 3

_**Yeah, so I had no idea what would happen if two guys teamed up to vandalize the school by breaking windows, painting walls with crude things, and screwing up a beloved statue of the founder, only to blame it all on three other guys and then everyone discovers the next day and the principle decides what to do. So this may not seem logical to any of you, but I had to come up with some way to move the story along. Just a warning!**_

_**Anyway, it should be mentioned that this story does take place in the States but in a small town either fictional for the hell of it or real. Anyway, it's a rather screwed up place as Lovino has stated on several occasions. The reason everything that happens here is fucked up, is probably due to being so different and unsual.**_

_**Enjoy the chapter! Let's see what happens in Lovi's life next...**_

_**Disclaimer: APH isn't mind. But I GUESS the Diary of a certain tsundere Italian character is?**_

_**-MidnightSakuraBlossom**_

_. . . . ._

Febuary 1st, Entry 19 Part 1/3

Current Location: The school library 1:00 PM

Notes: How many weeks has it been so far? Almost three? Damn if I know, but I have been through a few things. I haven't had the time to actually come and write it all yet. From watching Antonio, Francis, and Gilbert get a taste of my wrath, having Feliciano steal you and forget to return it (thus sending us both on a mission to recover it before the entire school discovered it), meeting some so-called old guy whom could pass off for thirty and enduring a one-sided talk with him, I haven't had the time to think about you...

_. . . . ._

Antonio,

Okay, so much has happened in these three weeks. I know I haven't written anything for a while, but this would be the reason why. Now, I have split up the current entry into three different parts because there's just too much to list all on two pages at a time. Don't fucking question it, just go along with it. That is, if you happen to be Feliciano, the tomato-loving bastard, or just some nosy bastard with a death wish in general whom happened to find this diary. You shouldn't have been able to at least, I hide this thing under the pillow, or sometimes the underwear drawer.

Anyway, to get to the point, it's about one PM and it's a not so enjoyable Monday. I fucking hates Mondays, they suck the fun out of life, I can't make the most of my life if I have to fucking dread school after a lazy weekend! I had a dream this morning, a strange one.

The dream left me curious of what would happen next, for most of the morning. I could barely concentrate on anything. See, I was in my room with my guitar, just zoning out really. Lightly strumming and making a soft melody. After some amount of seconds, there was a knock at the door which I tuned out to knowing it was probably Feliciano and he would leave in the next few minutes. Which, yes, no more knocking followed as I continued the melody and sung along to it off in my own world.

And then, the door opened up and...well...that was it. The dream came to a crashing halt when my damn evil other new alarm clock I bought three days ago after throwing the once current out the window, started going off at a ridiculous volume. The damn thing gave me a headache, I still can't figure it out and it took me a full minute to turn it off! Anyway, I can't help but wonder who would have been at the door in my dream and if they heard my singing or melody. It's not that I suck at THAT or anything, but I get self-conscious of it and rarely tell anyone I can play or sing. They would only laugh and jeer if they could hear it, I just know it. Damn people.

Still...who could have been on the other end of that fucking door? I get a chill as to try and think about it. A bad chill, sensing something less than appealing!

Well, the last entry I wrote, I detailed how I was so fucking fed up with the Bad Touch Trio jacking up my life, and then mentioned how me and Arthur vandalized the prison of a school and set it all up for the blame to fall on the three. And, since, I could not believe the results. I could not fucking believe them. Never would I have assumed things would turn out the way they did, hell, I didn't consider...!

Why don't I explain from the every beginning? Okay, so, this point is when I left the house the morning following our adventures in jacking up the school like there was no tomorrow: I left the house with Feliciano, trying to disguise my anxiousness to see the look on the entire school when they see the stunt we pulled on them all. But mostly those three bastards. I didn't care if the evidence was proven false and staged, didn't really take the time to think logically...perhaps the three would put up a reasonable argument they had no part in this whatsoever. You can shut your fucking mouth right now, if you're reading this against my knowledge whoever the hell you are, 'cause I know very well it was stupid! Damn!

Feliciano happened to question me on what I was doing that night. The next morning of course. But I simply retorted by asking him with a blank and all too knowing expression, what the fuck had he been doing to fall asleep with the potato bastard on our couch. Would you believe it? He had no reply to that! He was caught! And he obviously knew this, he reacted shyly towards the retort! Feliciano's cheeks lit up as red as those tomatoes Antonio raves about, they seriously did, and he smiled embarrassingly before focusing on the not so interesting ground. Can't believe I made him quiet for once. Surely, it was a memorable moment.

The rest of our walk was in silence. I could barely disguise the casual way I walked, or the way I softly hummed the tune of a song I was formulating with the guitar only. Being flustered as to think of anyone hear me song, much less hum, I felt self-conscious when the secretive asshole gave me a look of maybe approval.

But, all the pointless details aside, we arrived at school. The second we got a view of it's state, Feliciano froze up mid-step, a horrified look flashing across his face. The whole scene was fucking perfect after his usual-closed eyes snapped open in record time. Secretive asshole _Fratello_, he really had that shock to the system coming the moment he decided to be secret sweethearts with the potato bastard! Anyway, Feliciano was not the only one to make the scene genius.

Everybody, literally everybody – the principle, teachers, and student body were outside either talking frantically our surveying the damage me and Arthur, AKA Antonio, Francis, and Gilbert caused. I almost bit my lip to stop my evil smirk from adorning my face. And since I'm not much of an actor, I couldn't force a dramatic look of fright. So with a crap ton of difficulty, I remained passive and careless as usual. Which tends to be easy, I question why the hell it was so hard now!

This was how the scene played out:

"L-Lovino! Lovino, the school!" Feliciano started taking sharp intakes of air before turning to me and clinging to my arm in fright. "Something bad happened! Break in! Storm! Terrorism! Call the authorities!"

"Will you release my arm, fucking drama queen?" I hissed at him, violently pulling my arm out of his vice grip and backing up to get some space. Maybe it was cruel, but I don't give a damn. He had it coming and I still believe that! "Look, the principle's investigating this...horror. So get a fucking hold on yourself and don't make a scene for me!"

"But this could be serious-! Ve, I'm terrified!"

He promptly lowered himself to the ground on his knees – in front of every watchful eye might I add – and started mumbling prayers under his breath, hugging himself, trembling, and just making one of the most embarrassing scenes of the week for me. Although other events have topped this, I just gave anyone staring at us hateful glares.

"Lovino! Feliciano!"

The sound of that voice caught our attention. I was frozen up tensely in record time, while Italy dropped his dramatic moment (thank God) to stand upright and look on curiously. Brigida herself emerged from the crowding student body and made her way over to us. I won't forget the way she looked...damn...I had not seen for for several fucking days and it looked as if her flowing golden hair had gotten shiner, her body was curvier, and that skirt...

WHAT THE FUCK? DID I JUST WRITE THAT? I'M USING A PEN...!

Well, I can't erase that last part because I just HAD to be a thoughtless dumbass and use a pen to write out this entry. Now I must keep it hidden, there's no possible way to describe how fucking mortified I would be to have anyone I know somewhat read that...I'd seriously just never leave the house. Never. But, on the bright side, I didn't say that about the potato bastard or Antonio or someone unlikely like that. If I did, I would just skip the locking myself home. Rather, there would be a grave already ready with my name on the tombstone!

But, back to the description, Feliciano brightened up at the sight of her. He waved and shouted, "Good morning, Brigida! Ve~ it's so nice to see you after this time!"

Brigida returned his smile, I honestly hope she was just humoring him. But when I saw her smile, it was back to feeling all weak and even more useless. For a moment, I felt like I would do something humiliating like pass out like a goddamn idiot. But that, luckily, did not happen.

She shifted her attention to me, her expression of fondness as usual was all I needed to blush and get tongue-tied like a little fucking schoolgirl talking to her favorite music idol! I HATE IT when that happens! I have no doubt she thinks I'm stupid now, there's just no way she could believe I'm still a "stoic, careless, don't talk to me or I'll glare in your direction and tell you to go fuck yourself" type of person. At least, I want my reputation to remain this way...but it's been becoming a challenge since the first day I started this grade, or whatever.

"Ve! Can you believe what happened to the school?"

"I know, I was shocked to discover this...I've been feeling sick lately and then I recover long enough to return and notice this scene!"

"How come you've been out all this time? Is there something wrong?"

"Ah..." Brigida blushed deeply and averted her eyes, she looked as if she didn't know what to say to that question. For making her uncomfortable, I sent Feliciano an evil look. "Well...I...there's some personal things that have come up between me and my brother. Our relationship is changing and he keeps acting colder towards me. Antonio is trying to help me get through, and I'm grateful for him – but Lars would hate me forever if he knew what was happening."

This all sounded too weird. I was confused, thoughtful, and furious to know I was being kept in the dark. She was finally giving more information about her mysterious disappearances, but Antonio still was hiding something from me and then the questions about why he had gotten those condoms still haunted me. Something was going on, like Arthur said. But I can't put it all together yet, until I get enough information.

Brigida suddenly tensed up, she stopped talking completely. Me and Feliciano exchanged looks of alert as she turned a little pale. I was worried out of my fucking mind, I thought she would pass out! But then, I realized she was stronger than what she looked and she could handle herself. She snapped out of it and quickly bolted off into the crowds of people without saying a word.

And that was fucking weird. I stood on the tips of toes to get a better view over tall bastards in my way and could make out her going into the school and being chased by security who didn't want anyone inside yet.

Now Feliciano was even more terrified, he inched closer and had the nerve to hug me where everyone else could see. I was immediate in shoving him off, and then walking away towards the surrounding crowd of students in front of the principle.

Our principle is a short and somewhat overweight man who always looks stern and a hater of fun. Right in that moment, he looked no doubt pissed. His hair was graying and short, his eyes were piercing, and he wore dull blue suits. He was surrounded by two cops who were baffled by the vandalism. I wondered if Arthur was around, because I had to remind myself to swallow some damn pride and give a high five for a job well done. This was no doubt an epic moment of my life, but I fucking couldn't enjoy it too much without thinking about what could be going on with Brigida and why the Spanish bastard was involved!

I pushed through people carelessly until I was at the front. When the stressed out bastard with a constant stick up his ass noticed nearly everyone were paying attention, he decided to talk and try to defuse the confusion and chaos. Normally, I would have tuned out. But I happened to have one of the trio at my side – Gilbert. And I also noticed Antonio and Francis together way in the back, heh, at least they were listening and would get some cruel punishment! Maybe, I thought, they would be suspended forever!

"...As you can see, someone has infiltrated school property and caused quite the chaos. I believe this was done overnight, obviously. I assume just before the janitor's shift ended so the keys could be stolen right out of his own hands. As for the noteworthy damage: a lot of windows on the first floor, including some in my office, have been smashed and destroyed. Graffiti with cruel and senseless words of hate and mockery are streaked across many walls in all of their black and red horror." Everyone started murmuring at this point, he waved his hands to single everyone to stop before resuming his lame speech that I barely noted until the second half began. "Outside, the statue of this school's founder has been mistreated with foul dents, marks, and painted like a canvas! As the principle of this school, I must tell you I believe this was pulled off by some of the student body. I do not approve of this way to release emotions! Now, the guilty trio must come up here and explain their reasons..."

All eyes shifted to Antonio, Francis, and Gilbert, whom looked understandably and perfectly confused as they slowly went before the bastard of a principle we have. Everyone else either murmured or stared accusingly. I was smirking, I could feel my lips stretch and from one. I hoped no nosy bastard could see this...

"Written among the crude graffiti were signatures by you three. I must admit I am disappointed in all of you for choosing this way to release emotions and I do not think your families and friends will be accepting of your actions."

The three were so "busted" and so bewildered, this was fucking fantastic! And what made it better was the fact Arthur made his way through the crowd near me grinning evilly, I found that oddly hilarious but didn't laugh as I turned back to the action.

It serves the three of them fucking right to mess with Lovino Vargas! That was what I thought at the time, feeling smug and victorious. That I, for once, had succeeded to do something challenging and acted as what others would expect by my reputation I've crafted from dirt.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! We didn't do this!" Gilbert declared suddenly, his tone secure and pissed as he stared the principle down. Must be something about Germans to be intimidating in these moments or something. "Last night, I was sneaking into a bar...not wasting my time at this place with tools and paint!"

"I was pampering my stunning self at that time and preparing for bed! You can't possibly blame me!"

"I would never vandalize the school no matter how screwed up it is! You must believe me! I can't leave this country now, I feel as though I'm adapting better and my parents are God knows where back in Spain! They won't care!"

Our so-called, wonderful principle didn't look convinced of their – probably accurate – arguments of what they were doing during that time table. If anything, I had to control myself from making a wrong move by grinning obviously or bursting into applause. I had to keep cool and watch it all unfold as it should. But damn, it felt great to see work pay off!

"Written the walls were crude marks signed by you three. We've good reason to believe you're lying and were here last night on your crazy teenage outing."

I wish I could have seen the looks on their fucking faces. But all I can do is sit here and imagine that they were priceless: either enraged or bewildered. I was fine with either, as long as I knew they weren't gonna get let off the hook without an intense conclusion to this.

"Now, boys, you've only a few seconds to admit your actions." Oh, damn, his tone was so firm and void of any good humor. And I LOVED hearing that! It was the sound of those three haughty and too hot to handle bastards getting a head on experience of revenge and sabotage!

After what they did to me, they should get struck down this way! It was too fitting, they all had it coming sooner or later although I'm sure nobody expected me and Arthur to be the ones to carry it out – no one was looking our way.

Even though I wanted this to happen, I wanted a harsh verdict put upon them all, there was a weird passing feeling that overcame me when Antonio briefly turned to look at everyone else. His usual smile was not there, he looked troubled and irritated like he didn't know what would happen to him now. And looking at it, I didn't want this to leave any guilt. I do not get guilty. Never have I felt this.

Maybe there was a slight hint of it. B-but I don't think it was because he had s-some fucking ridiculous spell on me or anything like that! He just could bring anyone down with an expression like that! It was just contagious and I'm fucking positive the swooning girls that usually stared at him from a distance were all near crying that point.

So unlike me...I was unmoving and strong. At least...that's what I wanted to appear as.

Their time had passed, and the principle was royally pissed with their lack of response. He probably thought they would have either lied or admitted the truth, but they didn't perform either. I kind of wondered if they began to wonder if...someone set this all up to frame them. Fuck, I hope they didn't suspect me in that moment!

"Very well, you three," The principle was obviously irritated. He gave the fucking annoying trio a harsh and stern glare again. "Damaging school property is highly frowned upon. And I don't care what crazy teenage hormones have possessed you to do this, but you better step up soon and admit the truth. If nobody comes clean by next week, you three will be expelled before anything worse can happen."

Expelled...all three of them...I honestly wondered if I had been dreaming when I heard that. My eyes widened with delight and I could barely contain a gasp. It was just fucking perfect! At long last! All three of them would be out of my life forever and I could no longer fear being groped, harassed, or humiliated! The world could have not been in harmony any more than it was!

This was the first time I ever agreed with the principle about something...God, that was so damn weird to write. But oddly, it's true. And now I just hope word of that never gets out; I would never forgive myself!

"Expelled? Really?" Francis spoke up, horrified as how his tone of voice was. "I can't be expelled, I am so popular here! Besides, I am sure Arthur would miss me..." He turned to give Arthur, whom he could see with ease, a flirty wink. I almost threw up in my fucking mouth with disgust, and then almost snickered upon seeing Arthur look mortified.

"Too bad. You all should have considered the consequences before spreading such...vile action around school property and trademark objects! It will be time before we can put in new windows and scrub all of that paint off the walls and the statue..."

Then, before the crowd disbanded, Antonio stepped up and decided he would get a word in. It was just blah blah blah for me, but I'll mention what he said for the hell of it; "We didn't do this, we were obviously framed by someone! Let us gather the proof, and we will reveal the true victim by next week!"

Like I said, blah blah blah. Antonio was just kidding himself, he could never gather the proof someone framed him. Because me and Arthur would remain on the down low while things were hot. At first, I could have sworn there was a pang of guilt, fucking guilt. I cast this out immediately, however, before it could consume me.

There was not a chance in hell guilt would have consumed me! I had gotten the revenge I wanted and would soon have those three bastards out of my life because they could not return with actual proof someone framed them! The world was in harmony, and nothing could have possibly fucked up the situation now! Maybe Feliciano was just rubbing off on me, as he always wanted to do the right thing and freaked out and went into panic mode before admitting his deep dark secrets. Ugh. Pathetic, right?

So that's basically how the scene wrapped up. Nothing else noteworthy happened. Although it should be revealed that the principle what's-his-goddamn-name accepted that offer and the deal was on: if those three bastards couldn't gather genuine evidence they were framed, by the next week, they would be expelled for good with barely a chance of returning. I was not nervous at all, neither was Arthur. We both got exactly what we wanted and knew it. Okay, yeah, we were cocky. But I had to at least have one moment were I felt on top of the world and not pushed into the corner because of my own brother.

Classes resumed despite them being held in the "scenes of the crime". So everyone was just warned to avoid the glass and not get any fingerprints on the paint or the statue. Like I gave a damn about anyone screwing around with it anymore than we did, the plot was already in place and the hard work payed off.

And I believed I was safe from Antonio, but then he just had to come and pull a seat next to me at lunch. And if you're a fucking nosy asshole and you're wondering how this went:

"Lovi, something terrible has happened!" Antonio frantically told me once taking his seat next to me the table. While he silently panicked, I shifted my tray of crap closer to me and kept a passive face.

"Let me guess...you woke up this morning to find fucking gross acne on your face?"

"No! It's almost as terrible! Someone vandalized the school and set me, Francis, and Gilbert up!"

My eyes were set on the tray of...some fucking gross crap I still don't even know what it could have been. But the point is, I didn't crack and look at Antonio. His panic was all in his voice, I assumed those large green eyes were widened more, his hands were shaky, and that fucking annoying smile that tended to be present was not there for a change.

I wasn't about to interrupt him. Or tell the truth. This was all a part of the plan and I enjoyed sadistically taking it all in, thank you. Antonio luckily didn't notice I was barely caring, he still rambled like there was no off button. Damn, I WISH this bastard an off button.

"...I can't just return back home to Spain, it's not that simple! My parents just insisted I stay here and try live independently and I don't have anywhere else to go! I don't know where they could be right now! And I don't recall terrorizing the school with Francis and Gilbert, I was asleep dreaming about endless tomato gardens back home-"

I had enough of that soon. At first, being sadistic seemed fun. Now listening to him babble was just annoying as hell. So I thought on my feet and grasped my crumbled and clean napkin nearby, shoving it into his damn motormouth before he could barely say "home".

Antonio seemed to catch his breath, and he collected himself. He still sat there staring in confusion and trying to pull out the napkin. I almost cringed and looked around the room in paranoia; but no one else seemed to notice us sitting together, thank God! There was no way in hell I would have been able to withstand more homo rumors!

I sighed and slumped while he fished out the crumpled napkin, I wished I could have one of those every time he opened that mouth. Hey, everything he said was bullshit. Though I wonder why lately...I've been actually missing hearing that babble.

"Well," Antonio tossed the napkin behind him to the floor, shamelessly littering which was something that all the teachers bitched and whined about, he looked back at my awkward stare and smiled that same smile. The one were he closes his eyes in an attempt to be cute and his smile stretches from ear to ear. "I still have faith you will help me! Come on, Lovi, what do you say? Will you help prove me, Francis, and Gilbert innocent?"

"No..." My hands were folded on the table near the food tray. And my eyes were downcast as I spoke.

The silence surrounding us was thick. Neither of us said anything or moved an inch, the only thing that could be heard was the bickering and chattering around the room from others. And, yes, Alfred's excessive eating.

There was a pause of about thirteen seconds if one was keeping track. Not-not that I was. I just was shocked he could be silent for that long of a time.

At long last, Antonio wore a hopeless expression as he turned fully in his chair and grasped my upper arm. I bristled instantly as I hated his touch. Yes, hated. D-don't get the wrong idea.

I thought he would laugh off my harsh reply. Dismiss it with the wave of a hand and say that it was okay to be in denial and that it was cute, blah blah. But he never did. If anything, he was truly distressed and not quite as in control as he wanted to be. When I first decided to sabotage him (and the other two whom are equally high on my hate list), I thought I would get a lot of achievement from this.

I would get a satisfactory feeling, knowing I could finally make improvements in my life and maybe get some pride. Though I may seem like it, I don't have much pride. It was all robbed the moment I realized, for the first time, Feliciano was so much better than me at everything. Fuck, it doesn't mean I have an "inferiority complex"!

His reaction was, if not more, panicked than what it was earlier.

"Lovi, please, I can't leave...truth be told, I don't want to!" Antonio met my side glare. I could have sworn he purposely looked away for a moment, his cheeks inexplicably reddening as he went on to try and convince me to help him. "There's someone I couldn't possibly leave behind...if you know what I mean...don't you care what happens to an innocent victim like me?"

I knew exactly what he was doing. He was trying to put a fucking guilt trip on me! Okay, it may not seem logical now, but it made sense in the moment! He obviously, at that time, thought he could drag me into his hands and make me do whatever to get him and those two perverted bastards off the hook. But I did not let myself break and admit me and Arthur's actions, I did not snap and let myself become overcome with guilt.

And contrary to what you – whomever nosy bastard you are reading this against my knowledge – may believe, I finally took action and admitted my hate to him right there in everyone's earshot of he cafeteria. Anger was surging through my body, guilt tugged in my chest which I tried to battle, and my palms slammed onto the table before I arose from the chair and freed myself from his hands.

"DAMMIT, THAT'S JUST IT!" I yelled suddenly, not being able to control it this time. I could feel stares of everyone else burning into me, but I didn't pay much attention right then. In hindsight, I shudder as I remember those fucking stares. "I don't give a flying fuck about what happens to you! You and those other three bastards have made my life a living hell ever since you fell into it! Now, if you were to get your annoying ass out of my life FOREVER, it would be the best thing to ever happen to me! And, by the damn way, if you think I'm going to miraculously fall for you and your guilt trips, you're mistaken because I hate everything about you and have ever since we first met!"

I finished my rant that had been building up for so long within me. I was panting awkwardly by the end, and frozen standing over Antonio with a finger shoved into his chest. Damn, I don't know if I even meant have that crap I said...it just finally surfaced after this time and it should have felt amazing to get it out of my head (and you) and into the open.

But it didn't last long. Because I fully noticed how everyone was staring, paused in whatever they were doing before as their eyebrows quirked with obvious confusion. Even Antonio shared their expressions. This was the first time I ever exploded like that around this fucking dump of a school, and it was strange...I wanted attention sometimes though not as frequently as Feliciano...but this kind wasn't in the way I imagined. It felt too tense, and I felt like a freak show display. I could feel my heartbeat quicken and all my blood seemingly rush into my face. With nothing left to say, I fled the cafeteria and the school itself.

When I arrived back at the apartment, I went straight to my room and didn't once look back. I couldn't even imagine what would be said about me behind my back after that rant. I didn't consider returning back to face problems either...I ran from them like a fucking coward.

I didn't leave out the dreaded thought that everyone now thought I was a lunatic with no composure, could go off on a long rant with barely any breaths in between, and got pissed at the drop of a hat like a PMS-ing girl. I knew somewhere in the back of my somewhat doubting mind that my reputation as not giving a fuck and being composed and strong all the time was...gone...forever...I would be now thought of as weakling like Feliciano and-and have to be teased and tripped...ugh! I can't even go on with that mental picture!

. How was the rest of the day? Dreadful, fucking awful. I locked myself in my room and did generally nothing but lie around contemplating my next moves. I couldn't believe what turn this whole thing took. It was supposed to work out for me! Not backfire!

Crap, I can hear Feliciano's voice ringing through the apartment. He's saying something about dinner being ready...okay...that's a good reason to end this entry. I will write the next part of these...somewhat heavily connected ones of what has been going on in my absence. But that's after I eat.

_. . . . ._

_**Hello again~ I apologize greatly for the long wait! I've been slacking on the updates, but that may be a good thing because I have new fics I want to publish soon if I get the time!**_

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	17. Entry 19 Part 2 of 3

_. . . . ._

February 1st; Entry 19 2/3

Current Location: My bedroom 6:30 PM

Notes: So this is the second half of the entry. I had to take a long break because of fucking classes that happened and finally, once I got started, Feliciano bothering to tell me the food was ready to eat. Now, this once is going to mention another part of that crazy day; after class when I realized something...something terrifying about you after I had a weird moment with Feliciano.

...Damn it, I lost you again and me and Feliciano had to turn the school upside down in a hasty search. If you were capable of feeling, you would be fucking grateful.

_. . . . ._

Antonio,

Well, here's the second part of the nineteenth entry. Woo hoo. Yeah, whatever. I don't particularly feel like writing all of this down, but Feliciano claims he heard doing so will make you feel less locked up and relieved of stress.

I can't say I feel relieved of stress. I would be writing the biggest lie of the fucking year. As far as feeling less locked up, MAYBE it feels good knowing that someone can know this and they won't judge me or give me hell. You're only a journal bound by springs and paper, you don't have a conscious mind or the rights to claim what I am. Everyone else seems to think they can say anything and either build you up or destroy every cell of the being.

Maybe this...humph. Maybe this is why I shatter into pieces when I lose you. I feel like I've been thrown headfirst into hell once you're not at my side, under the pillow, or in the hands of some fucking obnoxious bastard (not naming anyone...yet.), it's all because I'm not ready to reveal anything I truly think or let anyone in on how messed up and twisted I see the world as. And I don't need therapy. I don't need anyone. All I need is something to vent into.

Well, maybe I should get to the story. Sooner or later, you'll have to know what happened. But I'll be repeatedly reverting from looking passive to scowling and that annoying blush on my face won't be going anywhere. Damn, I hate natural reactions.

The story picks up some time after I locked myself in my room that day. School was probably over by that time and I was still draped over my bed glaring at the ceiling because I knew that right above it was Antonio's living room. If he were there now, he would be sticking an ear to the floor and trying to eavesdrop inside to see if I'm talking about him to myself or if I'm doing something wild like jacking off.

My arms were folded as usual and my nails clawed the visible skin, I didn't rant under my breath despite being free to as he probably wasn't home. I just inwardly cursed and ranted, not having to actually let the world know about it.

I just didn't know what would happen to me after that chaos in school. I believed I would be free of Antonio, Gilbert and Francis immediately and it would feel fucking fantastic to no longer worry if I'll still have my virginity by the upcoming next day. But...for some reason, guilt had to attack me and take the best. I snapped again, something I told myself I wouldn't do for the sake of my reputation of not giving a damn.

For some reason, I became guilty when I encountered Antonio. I didn't want to feel this way, I fucking hate him and I barely know his backstory or why he is so forward when it comes to befriending me which is completely useless when nothing can open me up.

At the time, I didn't feel like coming out. I remained home for the rest of the day and I'm sure Antonio and Feliciano both were wrongly concerned. I don't fully know if they were or not, but I don't care. Because, what if I don't want anyone's sympathy?

It's interesting how you can sometimes want sympathy but later, fucking cringe at the thought or saying of it. Right now, I don't want or need anyone's and that's all there is to it.

Just before my bedroom door slowly opened up, I lied on my stomach ripping out pages of an old notebook from last year, this was before I received you from Feliciano randomly. I think I got it last January and had since attempted to draw random stuff inside. I didn't know why I haven't gotten around to ripping out almost every fucking page and then crumpling them. Absolutely no one should have seen them and because of that I won't bother to reveal what they looked somewhat similar to or about.

While I angrily ripped out one particular page full of scenery drawings I detested so much, Feliciano slowly peeked through the door. I knew this because school was probably over by that time and I looked up through my glaring eyes at his face.

Trying to not seem too ridiculous, I sat back up and glared at him from a side glance. "What are you doing here right on time? Shouldn't you be out somewhere with the potato-obsessed bastard you love so much?"

Feliciano hesitated for a moment, his gaze flickering to the floor as a guilty blush adorned his cheeks. However, he obviously forgot about that statement and took a few steps in. "I covered for you when the teachers asked why you weren't in class, Lovino. Um, I came home immediately after hearing the last bell because your disappearance has been bugging me."

"Yeah, well, it shouldn't matter." I deadpanned, staring at him with a pouty face. He didn't need to know I was mildly relieved he actually cared. He needed to think I was indifferent.

"But it does. And, if you're comfortable," Feliciano paused long enough to approach the bed. Without asking me if it was okay, he took a seat near me and tried to meet my wandering gaze. "Why did you leave so hastily?"

"You'll think I'm fucking stupid for admitting it."

"Ve? No, I wouldn't. You're not stupid."

"Humph..."

"Fratello...please tell me. Things have been so strange lately with the way I can't keep control around Ludwig, you've been as distant as ever, your sexuality is constantly leaning back and forth between bi and gay, and some awful person messed up the school and blamed innocent people...it's all too much at one time."

I could barely believe what he just babbled. The only thing I focused on was the fact he blatantly came out and said he thought my sexuality was hanging around gay and bi. What. The hell. Did he mean by that? What have I done to be labeled gay or bi? My actions around Brigida mean nothing, and I never was together with Antonio! So how could the sneaky bastard possibly sit there and say this to my face? If I could have, should the mood allow it, his face would have met the floor in an instant.

Something held me back. And although I can't remember why at the moment, I'm sure I was feeling too depressed about the turn of events and how crazy I reacted in front of nearly the entire school. Or, correction, the part of the school was generally meshes with my presence and the faces I have to look at every school day.

I don't think Feliciano could ever understand how I feel. Because life is shiny and happy for him, he never seems to openly wonder what could hurt him today or if he'll even live to see the sun rise. Seriously, how can someone live like that? Ever since I could remember, I've questioned how that's possible.

Despite the tense moment, Feliciano didn't give up and leave me alone. He seemed motivated to get me to talk, and he usually doesn't last long. I was stiff and radiating irritation with him as I kept my gaze off him. But he still had to be fucking determined and looked at me, ready at any moment for me to start talking.

I could tell he was surprised I didn't react violently when he stated that sexuality crap. Feliciano didn't say anything, but I'm pretty damn sure he questioned why I was acting different.

"I know it's hard, but you should open up about your problems. You know, I don't mind listening. I want to help, Ve, but you never give me a chance..." I still remained silent as he shifted around and then pushed himself to his feet. He smoothed wrinkles in his clothes and walked to the direction of the door. "Ve~ Let me know when you're ready to open up about your problems, Fratello."

Feliciano's hand softly grasped the knob, I bet he was doing it slowly on purpose and nothing more. To tease me and basically say he was ready for me to break down. This was all too much, not like I'd admit that with my mouth to the asshole.

He won that time. I raised my head and bothered to look in his direction. "If you want me to open up, fine, you better sit your ass down and don't laugh when I fucking do."

He seemed accomplished. Although Feliciano didn't give major signs of that. He quickly whirled around and casually walked up, taking a seat on my bedside. I could he was waiting for me to say something.

But I wasn't sure if I could admit everything without somehow blabbing about what me and Arthur teamed up to do to thee school. And I couldn't let Brigida slip into the conversation because he would sidestep the main topic and get to my "sexuality" problems. Humph, as if I've given any indication I like her or like a guy...

"I...don't know who fucked up the school, anyone could have simply busted in to blame it on those three bastards. Antonio, Gilbert, and Francis...damn..." I began. I was just lying through my teeth on the first part, trying not to feel the slightest amount guilty because Feliciano believed I was innocent. He inched a little closer, eager to hear me explain. "I barely know them, yet they continue to linger in my life and fuck everything up! A lot of stress comes from them, among other things I am not telling you – so don't bother to open your damn mouth, and I guess I snapped today."

Rather than saying anything right away, Feliciano gave me an opportunity to be silent for a moment and somehow find the words I wanted to say next. For once, his eyes were open and looking downcast as some mild looks of thought passed over. Did he really believe I was not behind the "attack of disrespect" on the school – dubbed by the science teacher of course. I don't know for sure, all I can say is I did assume he didn't suspect me. Is it normal to feel guilty when someone connected to you by blood is stupid and doesn't realize you did something dramatic and you can't spill the truth? Honestly...damn...I don't think that's happened before. For me anyway.

I found what I wanted to say next. My eyes turned away as did my head, I could feel my cheeks burn as if on fire when I mentioned, "When I snapped, I would have preferred it to be...I don't know...NOT IN A CROWDED PLACE. The image I've given myself of not giving a fuck and never showing true thoughts about something, that was once again shattered. Even though I guess it felt damn great to get it out of my head," I bristled during a hesitant pause, feeling his stare on me. I was hoping to God he wouldn't dare point out I didn't have to act so concerned about what others thought of me and my actions. "That doesn't change the fact I exploded for what seemed to be no fucking reason. And for some reason – laugh and I'll strangle you – I felt guilty about hating Antonio to help him out of his situation, and that's what makes it all the more embarrassing! God, what am I supposed to do now!"

Damn it, I could barely register in my head what I just mentioned to him. Feliciano wanted me to open up, I did just so he could shut his fucking mouth (which he's probably been soiling by putting on the potato-obsessed bastard's lips) and maybe...y-you know, j-just for once we could...have one moment where we get along. Don't laugh. I know where you live, whomever the hell you are reading this.

Despite that, I just cringed and positioned myself to a lying down position on the bed, my back to Feliciano. I couldn't force myself to look back at him, and there was fucking nothing else to say now that I admitted again how I felt. It only made me feel more self-conscious and it was goddamn awful!

It's really rough living a life where you're concerned what everyone thinks about you, you're suffering beneath it all because nothing good ever happens for you, and you put on a cover that you're so cool and don't give a fuck about anything. While you just want someone to hurt like you. I guess...this all describes my life. I didn't want to think it was true, but maybe it is. I would hate for anyone to read this, however, they don't need to know anything about me 'cause I don't believe anyone understands this situation.

"Lovino..." Feliciano seemed to still be gathering what he wanted to say. By his tone, I wondered if he was going to try and sooth my panic over what everyone else may think. I did not expect him to say this when deciding which way to take it; "I always wonder why you're so self-conscious. In the past, I've noticed moments where you unknowingly implied you were like that, ve, but it's become clear from that time those rumors of you and Anotnio going out were true."

"What the fuck are you trying to say?" I asked immediately afterward, not catching what he meant at first. Feeling like hiding myself from the rest of the world again, I collapsed forward into the pillow on my bed and a muffled groan of embarrassment followed.

I don't know how Feliciano was looking at me after that, if he was concerned or confused. Or fucking amused or careless. I could feel his eyes locked on me, and he never did leave like I expected him to. Why didn't he give up?

There was a soft movement on the bed, and I didn't have to lift my face out of the pillow and look up to know that Feliciano had climbed across me to the other side of the bed near me and was sitting there. I also knew this was true when I felt fingers gingerly go through my hair in a fucking lame attempt at being comforting. As he was the source of a lot of my problems and was too much of a dumbass to notice, I only bristled like a distressed animal or something and pressed my face closer into the material.

Screaming was appealing, but that would be saved for another time. When Feli wasn't anywhere around and I could voice how much he has to do with the stress and troubles I my life.

Finally, Feliciano relaxed and his fingers withdrew from my head. I could hear him comment, "Ve, it's kind of obvious to me now that you're too self-conscious. It seems like you think you have to have a certain image going, and nothing can break it. If anyone thinks you have sensitive thoughts, you crumble, right?"

I didn't say anything at first. My face was fucking set ablaze with heat as I gradually processed his belated observation and realized...damn...he was kind of right. Even in that moment, I was self-conscious and wanted to crumble into pieces and have them blown through the air so I didn't have to deal with it.

Mustering some lame amount of courage that I usually can never achieve, I turned my head to meet his face. I knew I must have looked pathetic in that time: eyes almost on the brink of tearing, my lips trying to remain their typical flat line, and my face looking as red as it felt. Feliciano's expression basically spelled out his thoughts, he was rather shocked by my appearance and reactions and still blindly concerned. I couldn't believe I was letting him see me like this...but he was the only family I could say I had and...yet I would have liked to take my fury out and just bash his face in because of how he had to point out the things I try to run away from – so I don't have to accept and live with the fact I'm so damn overly concerned about what the world thinks of a screwed up guy like me!

"I...don't care what they think of me." God, I was just lying through my teeth. He could sense it, I could tell by the way his expression briefly flashed to disapproval. I could feel my eyes stinging, I just wanted him to leave me alone to fall victim to emotions in solace...he wouldn't leave. "Stop looking at me that way, I swear, I won't hold...won't hold back a punch in your stupid face, Feliciano!"

It was at that time when Feliciano sat back up and then backed away. He got off my bed and stood there shutting up. I glared through stinging eyes, I finally sat up and was quick to wipe my eyes with my sleeve to ensure nothing had leaked. Luckily God must have been on my side, because no damn tears had trickled yet. And they don't need to. Because I do not cry in front of the world, that's what my room is for. Uh, th-that's...I don't cry often, don't you dare get the wrong idea!

Anyway, I got up myself and walked across the room to where my backpack lied. I just remembered that I needed to get out my books and you. When Feliciano left me alone to vent, I would curl up and spill what's hidden in my head. At least, that was what I intended.

I'm not sure if me and Feliciano got anywhere with our weird moment. Feliciano noticed I was desperate to tune out to him, he lowered his head and looked at the floor with mock interest, saying mostly to himself (was I intended to overhear?) that he would continue this another time. Should I have cared? No, but I wondered if he really would later. I was so close to breaking like fine China and didn't want him to see it though. So conflicted...

I wanted him to leave, he still stood there even as I turned by back and ignored his presence. So much more hasty than usual, my hands reached into the bag and pulled out those stupid books. I meant to grab you of course, the others were just a sneaky cover up. Feliciano didn't need to know I actually found use for that ridiculous gift of his.

I only pulled out an estimated seven books. Which was strange, because you made eight.

And that only meant one thing.

Right then and there, I could feel my eyes widen dramatically and a my hands clasp across my mouth, muffling a shriek of terror. You were gone, I lost you once again and God knows how that could have happened. I didn't know then, so I was beyond panicked.

"What? What is it?" Feliciano shouted with shock at my outburst, I could hear him throw himself across my bed and shakily land on his feet near me. My hands were trembling and my tongue twisting as I tried to think of what to say. "Lovino, what's wrong?"

"It-...it's...that damn diary you gave me back on New Year's day, it's GONE!" I managed to babble without shrieking again. But I couldn't say anything else, I was too shaken and panicked for words. My shaky hands reached up to my mouth and clasped over it so nothing else could come.

Feliciano didn't seem to understand my horror, but this time I can see why. He doesn't know of all the stuff I wrote in that thing, he doesn't know that the front page clearly states: PROPERTY OF LOVINO VARGAS, and that's the only thing. Anyone at our school would be tempted to read that after knowing it's mine! I knew that, I just did. Or, if they didn't read it, I feared I would be labeled as no better than a girl, and I didn't want anyone else to know of it's existence.

Only Feliciano and Antonio knew, the both of them sworn to keep it that way. I didn't want my personal thoughts to be carried across the school and posted for everyone to see! That's why their called fucking personal thoughts in the first place! Besides, then me and Arthur's actions would be revealed and the tables would turn on us – and those three bastards would be let off the hook. And, to finish this list of possible bad things, Brigida may see it and she would know why I act so stupid around her. She may suspect the ridiculous theory I...um...I...

BACK TO THE TOPIC. Anyway, Feliciano did react to this. His eyes actually snapped open for once and he stared at me, confusion and surprise visible with ease. "Ve? You really do write in that?"

I looked his way and glared sharply before snapping, "YES. Now fucking pay attention to the real problem! The diary could be anywhere – probably slipped out from my bag when I fled the cafeteria or something!"

"But what's so bad about that? If anyone finds it, they'll probably just take it to the lost and found and you could claim it tomorrow."

I couldn't believe how not panicked he was. Or was it just because I was the one thinking of all the horrible scenarios in my head and taking this too harshly? Whatever the case, I reached forward and grabbed Feliciano's shirt, freaking out and basically jerking him around.

"How do you know realize how serious this is? Damn it, it's horrible! You've no idea what kinds of things will happen to me if I show my face back in that fucking school when it's revealed of everyone! I'll be teased for the rest of the year, I'll be expelled, my reputation will crumble to oblivion, and I'll have to stay home every day and never have a life! AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS STAND THERE AND ASK IF I WRITE IN THAT?"

How could Feliciano believe someone would not read it? Everyone's so fucking nosy that it was likely to happen! I still can't get over how that could have happened with ease.

I was so not about to stand around and let my reputation deflate like a balloon in a span of few minutes. For once in my life, I was not about to run away from any problem thinking there was just no hope. Because I was convinced there was, as long as I put some of my speed to use. Yeah, I can ran rather fast when I absolutely have to – Feliciano often comments that I should do cross country at school, my motivation to run being someone telling me at the startling point that Francis or someone like that was chasing me and puckering his lips for a kiss. ...No comment. Too busy trying to get that mental picture out of my brain, and can someone remind me what Arthur sees in that creep?

Anyway, back to the storytelling. I was panicked mess of myself, pacing the floor very fast and loudly while babbling random comments of despair. Feliciano was silent, he stood there dumbly as if he truly didn't understand what was going on.

But I swear, after a paced the floor two times, I was ready to spring into action. My hand reached out and soon held Feliciano's arm in a tight trip. He was left being dragged out of the room by me, asking frantically what I was doing. All I could say was that we were going to pay a quick visit to the school to go over every section of the floor I walked across today until we found you.

My tone was serious and lowered, Feliciano didn't say it but I know he was probably shocked at how badly this situation affected me. What, he couldn't handle the fact that his brother was secretly a world-despising, insecure lunatic? Well, he would need to learn to live with this because it probably wouldn't be the last time he saw this side of me.

…

The both of us were soon sprinting down the sidewalks of the crappy town of which we lived in. My feet pounded the concrete and occasional dirt piles, Feliciano wasn't as freaked out as I was so his pace was so fucking pathetic that the only way he was able to move as by my hand clawing into and yanking his arm. It didn't occur to me that he would probably get a fucking gross bruise in the morning. Now that I think about it, I guess I feel slightly bad. This stays in you, Antonio, and will not be repeated by mouth.

Around, oh, maybe four or something like that...we arrived at the school. Once we passed beyond some tacky and utterly tasteless pedestals and a useless semi-high gate, we were on school territory. I released Feliciano immediately, the weakling fell to the grass clutching his arm and complaining under his breath. I didn't care what the hell he said, my eyes took in the entire view of the school from this distance, but I never saw you anywhere. At that, fear crept into my mind. I was prompt in shivering out of a natural reflex as I got mental images of faceless assholes laughing at me mockingly and tripping me whenever I passed by, and Brigida flat out rejecting me in front of everyone.

It...was...horrible...

I still shudder and curl up as to think of those fucking awful mental pics. It's like they just won't stop taunting me, even though I already have you thankfully back in my possession and you better be damn happy about it. Worse things could have happened...than what did. But we will get to that soon enough. All too soon. The big damn moment in which I would rather not tell anyone else by mouth and I can barely get by with writing. It's like my hand is hesitant or something.

We wouldn't really have to pick pathetic locks or steal keys from janitors like me and Arthur did that night. Because around this time, people are still here taking part in electives and the sports teams are practicing. It should be at least...five or six by the time they all leave for good. Anyway, I knew that this was our chance to scope the place while we could. More information was here.

We must have looked in every location I had been in that day up until I ran out like the spineless shell of a person Feliciano is implying I am. And damn it, my legs were aching by the time we stopped to catch our breathes, I guess I am in the fucking worst shape ever...and if I hadn't any motivation for putting my ass in gear, I probably would have been lying in bed thinking of ways to get that Ludwig bastard out of my _Fratello_'s life and blasting Evanescence music for the rest of the night. Anyway, now I'm going to explain the details of what happened when we basically turned the school inside out.

Nothing productive happened during that time, so I won't say much about it. Also, my fucking hand is cramping again; telling me to take a breather and rest it. I kind of agree on taking one though, writing by hand is always such a hassle for me. Anyway, I will say this...

Me and Feliciano intensively checked every place I had been. We checked out: the hallways, the science classroom, history class, literature, math, the upstairs case, the guys' bathroom on the second floor, and the lunchroom. I had been really annoyed, and even more so fucking terrified. By the time we finished looking under the remaining corner of the lunchroom, I slumped at a table and buried my face in my hands.

I just knew it was over. Everything that I ever built up to accomplish was teetering to the ceiling and ready to fall and crash into pieces. Now that you were nowhere to be found, it could only mean someone else took you and were either reading it at that moment and preparing to tell everyone they encountered like an untrustworthy asshole, or someone burst into the teacher's lounge place and were making copy's in the copy machine and were plastering them all over the freshly-cleaned lockers and walls.

And in the darkest times...I suddenly heard feet approach from behind. A voice cut through my thoughts of hopelessness and unbearable cruel happenings that were only in my head. "Lovino, we can't just give up on the search now. I know we will find the journal, there's just a feeling I have."

"Dammit, you don't understand!" I lashed out, immediately standing up from the table and harshly glaring into Feliciano's eyes very uncomfortably close. "Things don't always go the way you want them to! And any of these 'feelings' you have, they're all a source of fake hope you're projecting to distract yourself from the fact I'm fucking screwed!"

Feliciano was once again affected by my yelling. He didn't reel away too much, but I could tell there was the shifting of feet. I actually wasn't intending to lash out at that moment, for once, I think the fucking stress just built up. B-but don't think s-something like I was going soft on him...because he will get it later if I catch him so much as snuggle into the potato bastard's arms when he thinks I'm not looking! Yeah, he's gonna get a little more than scolding...the mental picture of that scene actually creeps the shit out of me, just throwing that comment out there.

Rather than giving up on trying to convince me, Feliciano took the chance to speak up once slightly recovering. "Ve~ I really don't think it's the end of the world if your diary gets read. People aren't that evil, and it's not like you're hiding some deep dark secret which would make a lot of people think you're insane." I released an unconscious hold on his shirt, which I barely even knew I had at the moment. I was kind...well...speechless then, unable to look him in his opening and fond eyes.

For a long amount of seconds, I remained silent and we stood there. I actually think guilt freaking washed over me in that moment, like it was getting to me and basically forcing me to want to confess some things. Like what me and Arthur did to the school and the three perverted bastards' lives.

For me, I don't have anyone to confess problems to. And even though I do have you to write in, I think guilt likes to be a bitch and freaking make you want to say it all by mouth rather than writing. At this time, I really did think Feliciano was the only nearby person whom could be a possible trustworthy target for that. Because, let's face it, I have no close relationships with anyone and Feliciano is family after all – whether I want to have it that way or, you know, not.

Would you believe that I came so close to confessing a few certain things on my mind to Feliciano? I. Fucking. Did. So. Close. Once I found myself with the ability to lift my head, I met those wide golden/brown eyes with a sparkle similar to my own. I opened my mouth, prepared to say something.

And then... "Feliciano? What are you still doing here?"

Me and Feliciano basically dropped the mode altogether and turned our heads to see Francis himself poking his head around the arch which led into the cafeteria. I was prompt in grimacing as usual upon seeing his stupid face. Feliciano, on the other hand, was fucking smiling and greeted him as if they were the best of friends.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" I asked bitterly, turning to Feliciano again. And although I was reacting with displeasure, it didn't seem to bother him at all apparently; he continued to smile like a retard.

"Oh, Francis participates in electives like learning various languages and stuff. Ve~ we talk occasionally, he's a pretty interesting guy to hang out with." Feliciano explained fondly, I couldn't help but bristle. Did he realize that he was talking and hanging out with the school's biggest pervert whom would fuck a cactus if it wouldn't prick his body? And where was I when they did all this?

I knew that Feliciano was probably concerned of him possibly vandalizing the school and all. He was to much of a sucker, he would believe the sky was dyed blue and was originally yellow if you told him that was from an old book. He didn't show the signs of being worried, but I could just sense this for some reason. I wondered if I should have mentioned right then...with Francis in earshot...that me and Arthur were the real suspects.

Except, I had pride in an unexpected moment. It meddled and made me seem like a jackass. Well, okay, I didn't do anything to give that theory to my _fratello _and the Casanova over there. Sometimes I have this collection of fake pride that I use to project the image of not giving a damn, but real pride almost never rears it's head. It's complicated.

Anyway...back to what I was saying earlier. Like I preciously stated, I am kind of skimming the details. Because paper and time are both limited, plus my hand has to be a pussy and tire out right now. Feliciano and Francis exchanged banter like a couple of BFFs, I was clearly annoyed, and our time was wasting like mad. At long last, something productive came forth and I will now explain how that went:

"Francis, I don't mean to seem like we're in a situation," Feliciano randomly piped up after him and Francis babbled stupidly about Russian grammar structure and Spanish phrases that were being taught in that language set up thing. "Ve~ We're, um, we're looking for something that Lovino lost earlier today. It's a big book with a black leather cover. Have you seen it?"

Hopefully, Francis wouldn't know anything about it. That was what I thought right then. Seriously, try to imagine a guy like him NOT being an asshole and showing it to everyone and revealing how much of a mixed up freak I am. He would so do that! I could not believe Feliciano didn't notice he was far from a person to trust with secrecy!

And the ways of higher power had to have things take a different route. Francis actually mulled the question over for a few brief moments, and then his answer was; "Let's see...yes...I did see that Belgian girl, Brigida, pick it up a few hours ago when I was leaving this room. But I think she may still have it."

...I felt like screaming right then. I didn't give in to the temptation, but I'm sure as hell my eyes were widened and I lost all color in my face with unspeakable horror.

While Francis asked suddenly why we were tracking down something as useless as a book, I reached for Feliciano's shirt sleeve and pretty much burst out of the cafeteria running for my fucking life with him behind stunned.

We must have looked really ridiculous at that moment. But I actually didn't give a damn in that time period because there were more important things to be worried about. Like Brigida reading you, and getting the complete wrong idea. I know I'm always going pathetically sweet on her, but did I really know what she was capable of doing? Any kind of scenario went through my head, wondering if she was the type to act friendly up close and completely turn against you with public humiliation in mind. I shouldn't have considered she could be that type of person, I knew it was so damn stupid...but I guess the stress just drove me over the edge. I was inches away from breaking if this horrible situation continued to drag.

We did manage to locate Brigida, to make a long story short. One of the girls she talks to a lot happened to be on her way to the gym for basketball practice or something, anyway, we asked if she knew where her friend was. And, it was like a desperate prayer answered – she was helpful and mentioned Brigida was outside near the fields. But...then majorly thick block of panic smacked me in the head when she added that she had been reading a book with a black leather covering.

I don't even want to know how horrified I must have looked. Feliciano must have really been convinced I believed the situation was serious with my looks, he worriedly tapped his fingers and then said goodbye to what's-her-name. He then told me we should hurry before anything terrible happens. Fucking finally, he realized why I didn't want to lose you, Antonio! It was about fucking time! We then avoided shattered glass of the nearby windows Arthur shattered the previous night and we burst out of the big doors as if the building decided to randomly combust.

…

My life was over and buried deep into the core of the earth. At least, that what was I thought when me and Feliciano plowed our way out of the school building and darted across the fields for sport events and whatnot and discovered Brigida. She was on a bleacher seat, you resting in her lap.

"Ve! There she is!" Feliciano announced to me with enthusiasm I did not possess. We were still a small distance from her, she obviously was too busy reading to notice we were there. "She probably hasn't gotten too far into it, I bet we can get it back with no fuss! Go on, Lovino...um...why are you still standing there?"

Feliciano approached me again, probably looking me over with confusion as I still stood there rooted to the spot with my face forever buried in my arms. I was cursing myself over and over again in my head, for being such a careless dumbass and always losing sight of you. I had the theory she was already pretty far into the journal, maybe now plotting to humiliate me in some terrible manner. Or something out of those insane scenarios in my head. I could feel myself turning so damn red and hopelessness wash over me. Was there much of a point in moving? Was there a point in still bothering to show my face in this school after all that's happened this year – and not even in the middle of it by the way.

I said nothing, so Feliciano decided to speak up. I expected him to sound full of hope, but he actually sounded a little more...mature and...serious. What. The. Fuck? "Lovino, it's not the end of the world. Okay, Brigida read the diary...but it's not a catastrophe and you're going to live to see tomorrow. If you won't go to her, I guess I'll have to and say something to embarrass you."

Did I ever expect to hear Feliciano say something like that? That choice of words or that tone? ...Not at all. He was actually making sense whether I was gonna admit it or not. My burning face was still resting in my trembling hands, I was still a wreck when he extended his hand to my shoulder and gave me nudge with just enough force to usher me forward. Basically, it was an indirect way of telling me to stop acting like a weak bitch and actually acquire strength for a change. I know he could never say that by mouth, so that nudge would have to do. You know, I still wish I could have managed to glare his way...even though it would have had no impact and he would have still smiled and tried to be supportive.

But I still had to choke out... "Do you really think I...?" I lifted my head by the end, turning to meet Feliciano's still-shut eyes basically burning holes through me. You know I looked like hell, I bet he thought that too. But he let me react with uneasiness and despair before replying.

And his reply was not with words. It was with letting his lips form a smile and then come close and place a hand on my shoulder, pushing me to the point of my feet beginning to advance forward out of natural reflex. Well, I guess words would have ruined the mood. But damn, I still think he could have given a compliment or something! He's always so limited with compliments when it comes to me, but not anyone else! Fuck, that burns me up to think about it...

But, sigh, I guess that's not the point. Back to the story, I was nervous as you could get and I couldn't hide the stunned look in my eyes or the red color taking residence all over my cheeks and ears as I approached the source of this drama I really shouldn't have to endure. Feliciano wasn't at my side, he remained at the original spot watching like someone at a sporting event and fucking smiling the whole time. What is with all of these bastards having to smile in the most unfitting moments?

After what felt like the longest fifty seconds of my life, I arrived at the second bleacher to the last. Brigida still sat there absorbed in you, and...it wasn't until I cleared my throat to catch her attention did she realize I finally caught her in the act. I couldn't be pissed at her though, I couldn't even snatch you away without mentally kicking myself at the thought of doing so.

"L-Lovino! I...what are you doing here?" Brigida stammered with shock, quickly slamming you shut and setting you over to her right in a fail attempt at concealing the presence. But I wasn't blind, I clearly saw you in plain sight. She looked up at me, eyes wide and alert. "This isn't...um...well, I guess it's basically what it looks like, huh?"

"You...read that?" I managed to ask, my tone not hostile like it had been with the Spanish bastard. I couldn't get pissed off at her no matter how hard I tried. My eyes locked on her, however, refusing to lose the contact after I managed to pull it off without acting tongue-tied and like a retard. She slumped and appeared guilty, I continued quietly and really mortified. "I really need to stop dropping things all over the place..."

"It's no big deal, I didn't even know it was yours until I began reading out of curiosity."

"So...how much have you read so far?"

"Up until the beginning of the entry next to the last one. I guess you could say I couldn't curb my curiosity."

This couldn't have been more awkward. Brigida kept her gaze to her feet, awkwardly trying to find the right words. She obviously didn't practice what to say in case she got caught "satisfying her curiosity". I was blushing intensely and finding it hard to meet her eyes after the seconds came and went. I was mostly safe, she didn't know what me and Arthur did just yet. Thank God. But, still, she knew a way too damn much! This was so horrible, I basically screamed in my head. I wanted to pinch myself, hoping this was just a sick and warped nightmare, but it was harsh reality I couldn't awaken out of. Dammit...

I just wanted to die right then, at least I wouldn't have to deal with any teasing or humiliation beyond that point. But God didn't want me dead just yet, he obviously had other intentions. True to what I've said in my own words before, everyone's against me.

My feet scuffed the ground, my fingers trembled as they rested across my arms on my chest, and my head was spinning. I couldn't quite find the words I wanted to say, it's like nothing would cooperate.

To my surprise, I found you being softly inching into my vision. When I raised my head, I could see Brigida wearing an unreadable expression as she handed you over. I stared like an idiot for the longest time until she nodded to signal her approval. Without a word, I quickly grasped you and you were clasped desperately against my chest with one arm. She could be seen briefly smiling with amusement at that, but then it faded just as soon as it came.

"Lovino, I never knew you thought that way about things...it's...kind of vivid." Brigida commented, meeting my eyes again. I could tell she was being honest, but the tormenting blush in my cheeks went hotter when I thought briefly that she may think I'm insane. Her next words convinced me otherwise; "You know, I only read this journal because I wanted to know more about you. You're always hiding among the crowd and doing your own thing. All this time, I've held a interest."

"You didn't have to find out in the worst way possible." I managed under by breath, barely loud enough for her to hear. I'm just assuming she did overhear, I clutched you closer and sighed. "If you wanna know the truth, I'm a messed up freak with the inability to blend in with society, someone who barely even knows himself."

"I never once thought of you as a freak." Brigida declared right away once those words left my mouth. I stared, speechless, but not totally convinced. She pulled her legs closer in vain to hide a smile on her lips. "Actually, I'm more interested than ever!"

Her smile was too contagious, it made me near swoon under it's powers. But, don't you fucking dare think I gave in and smiled back. I'll kill you somehow if you mock me. I just lowered my head and kept my eyes on the bleachers. "It doesn't make the situation any less embarrassing. You probably think I need to see a therapist or get a hobby to get my mind off you all the time..."

"You're wrong." She said firmly, strongly. Fuck, I can't help but be attracted to a tone of voice like that from someone. And yes, I just admitted that. I did not lose my sanity, I just gathered some nerve for one fucking time. "You're not crazy, you're just a complicated person. And you're just a tiny bit lovesick for someone whether you want to admit that or not."

...Now there was the teasing in her tone. I froze up, feeling reality crash down once she said the last part, my head whipped up to meet her gaze and I could feel my face burn like hell. She must have noticed my reaction to her comment, she crossed a leg over the other and acted kind of teasingly flattered. She also patted the bleacher on the right side of her, as if beckoning me to plop there and be embarrassed to fucking death some more.

What else could I do...but give in and uncomfortably sit near here? My head was spinning, my heart was pumping, and my fingers clawed you.

Oh God, I can't even begin to describe how fucking embarrassing that was. I knew that Brigida would have to jump to conclusions and think something utterly FUCKING RIDICULOUS like me actually...ugh...screw this, I can't even make myself lie anymore... What's this, you're asking if you're some nosy and cowardly bitch reading this against my knowledge? Am I actually breaking that promise to never fall in love with anyone and actually admitting to being sold to her? Humph...well...I...

...ANYWAY. I'm too worked up to actually say that right now, let's just get back to what happened, dammit! Brigida leaned against the bleacher and made a forced chuckle, I knew it was so fake. She could not lie to me. Something, I thought, was so suspicious.

"Right now, I feel so stupid." Brigida mentioned, gazing up at the sky and slipping her arms behind her head. She sounded kind of guilty, but her facial expression was serene. I knew there was something she was keeping under lock and key too. "All this time, I couldn't even figure out you liked me. I thought oyou were just overly shy and had social issues, but I pieced everything together after reading through the entries – which, by the way, I do apologize about."

I was already off the topic of you. Because, now that she all but stated I was lovesick for her, I couldn't stop myself from dwelling on that topic. I wanted to elaborate farther, establish some things, at least for now when I could somewhat get myself together long enough to speak like a human being toward her.

"Brigida, you're not stupid. I just couldn't...couldn't face the truth. I wanted to hide everything, so I lied to myself." I said below a whisper, burying my face in my hands again as the blush in my cheeks intensified again just to mock my uncomfortable feelings. What I said was no lie, I have lied many times inside you about not having a crush on her. They were all fake and flat. I fucking admit it. "I'm not good with emotions, okay? I'm fine one minute, pissed off another, thrilled for dark reasons another, until I reach the point of being calm all over again. I know I act so tough around everyone else in this school...I'm really a mess."

I was falling so low to admit these things. What choice did I have? Someone could have easily spilled these secrets, but I knew Brigida would have at least kept this to herself once I started opening up for a moment. I can't believe I didn't think so before. She was still staring at me, politely listening and not interrupting like I expected her to do – I expected her to laugh but she never did. Still, I was mortified to the point of it wasn't even noticeable on the charts. Looking at her now was impossible.

She must have noticed the way I wanted to sink into the earth and just get out of all of this. I didn't get a look at her, I couldn't even hold a gaze at that point so she continued to be the one to do so. Brigida also scooted a little closer, maybe centimeters, she craned her head somewhat to look at my face pathetically being concealed with hands.

"You actually do feel that way about me?" She asked. I noticed right away, she sounded like she had to make sure she heard my answer correctly. Like she couldn't react no matter what happened or something like that. It was highly suspicious.

Nonetheless, I held back a long sigh as I confessed, "Ever since I first met you...I guess I was too confused about everything and felt it would be too mortifying to reveal it to anyone."

"But you don't have to be mortified at all. I'm not going to tell anyone what you've said, Lovino. I promise."

Barely believing what she said, I lifted my head at long last and craned it to see her smiling face. That typical kitty smile she liked to present to the world, it's too fucking cute for it's own good that I couldn't help but feel like I was getting lost in a trance again. The only way out was for me to give a random, sharp smack to my burning cheek.

For a moment, there was silence between us. We glanced around at various uninteresting things like the vandalized statue of the dumbass founder of this school (now with that "do not cross" tape surrounding the "evidence"), the ground, and briefly at Feliciano trying to look like he was eavesdropping and humming a tune as he paced around. I took a deep breath during this silence as well, trying to calm myself down after so much panic and drama.

Don't you dare get the wrong fucking idea. Things weren't bright and happy just because I managed to get you back into my hands and I actually managed to open up to someone for once. Now, I had to be very careful and make sure I never revealed to anyone that I ever did like Brigida. Damn, I know she's beautiful and distracting...she's never going to be with me, so I'm just gonna have to move on and continue to lie to myself but not being capable of being attracted to anyone – those comments of Antonio didn't count, FYI.

Anyway, I tapped your cover kind of shyly. It was the thing which broke the silence. When Brigida's green eyes flickered to me, I mentioned, "I don't think it would ever work out between us. You probably like someone else." What Arthur blabbed to me about her, Antonio, and condoms came to mind in that moment. But she didn't need to know I was aware of that stuff now. "Besides, I've never really...you know...uh...this is a first time thing for me."

"I understand. Um...because there's someone else I kind of feel strongly about, it's been on the down low and only Antonio knows." Brigida replied, sounding a little secretive. She even lowered her voice to a soft whisper. I can admit I shivered to hear it, letting myself get lost in a trance and vaguely wondering how plenty of things would sound whispered by her in my ear.

Just thinking about it now...damn...wait! Okay, I have to stop rambling about that now because I'm feeling a strange desire to give that curl on my head a few yanks for a moment. And that's symbolizing something...

Anyway, I do wonder who this guy Brigida likes is. I don't think that she would go for someone of the same sex. When we left the bleachers and parted ways after this awkward confrontation, she brought my occasional comments of how good Antonio looked in the diary. And about how I blushed and reacted like a tsundere type when he tried to be nice. She mentioned she wasn't fully supportive of homosexual relationships, and would neutral if anyone she knew were in one. All I could do was react mortified at that, knowing very well that me and Antonio would never end up that way. A strange thing to mention is that she thinks acting lovey-dovey around another girl would make her feel uncomfortable.

I must say, whomever she likes is one fucking lucky guy and he should feel that way. He better treat her right, or else I'll plot his murder. Well, you know, I would actually...yeah, yeah, I know I'm getting off topic!

You know, I don't know why she didn't seem too shocked by the fact that I have been fucking infatuated with her for a few years. Wouldn't anyone normally be at least a little dumfounded or something? I couldn't but feel there was more suspicious stuff going on. For now, I really want to know who she likes and I want to know how long it will be before I can try and get over her.

It'll be one of the toughest things I would have to do. For the longest time, I was so damn certain that I could bury this crush deep down and then get away with denying it any time it was brought up. But in that moment as I left the school with you and Feliciano in tow, I felt really down. My gaze was forever locked on the ground and I never responded to anything Feliciano said about how he overheard everything and felt bad that I didn't get the girl. He also went on to say things like I was still big for being able to admit all of that stuff when I always locked everything up in my head or the diary and barely communicated with anyone like that.

At the same time, I was depressed and embarrassed. Not really the best combination, I remained that way for the rest of the night and days later. As I think about it now, I'm not over anything. And it could very well be while before I'm ready to confess anything else or at least try to forget about Brigida. **At least**, I keep telling myself, **she wasn't a bitch or anything. Brigida may have turned me down for some bastard, but she's still someone to admire.**

Dammit, I know I shouldn't still be thinking about her. It's stupid to hang onto these feelings, I should just throw them aside and start over. It's a hell of a lot better than keeping myself depressed and feeling lower than anyone else. Even though I still think of myself as a freak like I told her that day, but, that's beside the point.

When I returned home that night, I stopped in the living room and lied on the couch for a short while as Feliciano hesitantly ignored me and my problems and disappeared into the kitchen to make some dinner for us. I didn't want anything to eat, I just wanted to stop feeling ill and like kicking myself as if I made an awful mistake. There was no mistake, not stopping myself from falling head over heels for her was actually a damn interesting experience. And even though she may or may not have picked up clues as to how I was trying to deny I felt, she still hung around me and was helpful when her fucking bastard of an old friend spread rumors about us being together in that sort of way. I'm grateful for her, dammit. It's easy to admit when I feel grateful, but it's probably for the best if I do now.

At first, I lied on my back just staring at you in my hands. I had been there for at least six minutes, Feliciano was announcing that he was almost finished warming up some leftover food from the previous night and was going to set it out on the table. I barely felt like eating, but the aroma of homemade food floating through these crappy walls made me practically drool for it. Damn. It won.

You were placed onto the couch cushion a few inches away and I threw my legs to the floor and pulled myself to a sitting position. That was when I randomly looked back at you and saw something mysterious poke out from one of the end pages. All of the pages up to that point from the last entry I did were blank, so this caught my attention easily. And, fucking curiosity getting the best of me, I skipped through to the very end where a mysterious, pale yellow piece of notebook paper that looked like it was torn from said book was placed inside.

I swear, I must have reread that piece of paper at least ten times. Couldn't stop, I was way too dazed. And this was what it said word for word:

**Lovino,**

**I'm sorry for reading your diary against your knowledge. I haven't gotten to the latest entries so far, but I am a few ways into it. I was seriously against it, but curiosity forced me to go through.**

**For some time, I have wondered why you act so strange around me. Antonio finally told me that it's because you have a very strong crush on me but just can't accept it. Don't be mad, he just felt I should know. And, wow, I can't believe that's the reason. Look...I'm not sure how to react. In case we don't get to talk about this face to face, you should know that I don't think we can be together. I'm sorry. There's someone else I like, but he won't take a hint.**

**I never meant to drive you crazy or anything, I just never realized how you felt. And still, I wanted to get to know you better because I've got a vibe you and I can still be on good terms...if you aren't too mad. Really, you're a rather interesting guy. I bet you can be sweet underneath that attitude you give everyone else. Why don't you try smiling more often or something?**

**And, before I close this message, let me just try to convince you one thing. Don't think that you have to act tough or hide your true thoughts. Because doing that never helps anything, it only causes stress and pain if you go over the edge. Feliciano is there for you too, so don't push him away because it sounds like he really does care about you even if he can be somewhat of a ditz. See you around.**

**-Brigida**

Damn, I could still get a whiff of her scent on that note. I really shouldn't be focusing on that though. Anyway, I couldn't believe she actually took the time to write that out. But, this was before we encountered, so she obviously felt guilty about doing this before. I couldn't be mad at her no matter how hard I tried. In fact, I could have sworn my lips had briefly curved to a sad smile as I folded the paper back and placed it back inside you at the very back and closing you up with a mild thump.

When I turned around to go hide you back in my room, I found myself face to face with a thrilled Feliciano whom couldn't stop smiling at me as if I just told him a very wonderful piece of news about the world. He mentioned he read the note, he also grinned while shamelessly pointing out that I was actually smiling myself.

That was when I paid full attention to what my lips had turned into. Tracing over it with my fingers, I was horrified beyond all belief. I really was smiling...fuck...in front of Feliciano of all people whom could easily go yell it out to the world.

What else could I do but bolt back to my room with you in hand, too embarrassed to show my face back there for a long time. Once I arrived back, I yelled loudly at Feliciano to never speak of this again and the door was slammed shut so tightly it could have shattered into pieces.

Well, that ends the entry. My hand is basically numb, so, there's more to come in the next entry.

_. . . . ._

To Be Continued

_. . . . ._

_***Pokes head in and then awkwardly shuffles into the scene* Well, that update took awhile. Huh? I apologize so much, please don't send punches to the face through your computer...I would be holding my flag of surrender but I lost it yesterday. T_T**_

_**Anyway, I guess you could say that I've been quite the busy person. I have been working my ass off at my job and balancing college work with that, trying to cheer up SYD because of her girlfriend's extreme sadness over her dad's death, and catching up on reading manga. But I have also been writing chapters a lot like a madwoman. I think I finally am getting somewhere, hooray! Get out the booze and we'll get drunk!**_

_**...Okay, wait, I don't have any booze at the moment. *Awkward silence moment* Forget that idea. Anyway, I hope you found this to your liking. This does not mean that Lovino and Brigida will get together – he still is pining for her (but we already knew that despite his constant denial! ^_~) and she knows this but can't help but be sold to another. Their relationship, however, will be a little awkward for now and Antonio just won't know what the hell to do. This story will end up with eventual AntonioxLovino of course, but HOW will be revealed LATER. I actually liked having the little amounts of LovinoxBrigida, I like the couple and all. One of these days, I swear I'm gonna have to write something with that as a main pairing. But this story will be yaoi all the way, I hope you anticipate it as much as I do. I know you're smiling right now. *TSUNDERE ALERT* I'm smiling...on the INSIDE.**_

_**I'd love to see your comments and criticism, or whatever really, please read and review and have a good day~**_

_**-MidnightSakuraBlossom, your very late updater**_


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